As I wake, I pull my right leg up, smooth it and calm it with the placement of rough, but well intention-ed, work hands. I bend it to a 85 degree angle. Great! Two more degrees than yesterday.
The rest of the story….? Not much different than others who suffer with chronic 9 plus pain…daily, hourly, moment to moment.
I am a N.B.C., as many New Englander’s are. I honestly believe…most of us come crying out of the womb…look at the up coming Nor’easter, in July…and quickly learn, well at least, I am not old enough to shovel yet.
Many years ago, I witness the birth of the bumper sticker; Breath in Breath Out. Or, ‘Just Breath!’
In the depth of shallow recovery and not quite on the eve of my physical destruction, I playfully wept at the sticker and asked…
‘Really? Where is the Goddess? Why isn’t she afoot?’
Through the teachings of the Buddha. Through the teachings of Bill and Dr. Bob, and through, my ability to learn new ways…I’ve managed to put ‘spiritual cynicism’ aside.
My body is but a vessel…My spirit? My soul? Is not my pain. My pain is not my mind. I can, when in the pit’s of pity, believe all three are one in the same…but they are not.
And, indeed, when I listen to my breathing. When I spare it from external attachments…the feeling is irreplaceable.
The aching, tormenting, pain? It is still there. But the mind? Is lucid and clear and ready to learn.
Those people who conceive of a self see it usually in one of several ways. They think of the body as the self, or of the self as having a body, or they see the body as part of the self, or the self as included in the body.
But in all those ways the feeling of “I am” is never abandoned, for people do not see the arising and falling and the way of conditions but regard the body and self as solid entities.