12 Step Program for Animal Lovers


  1.  We admitted we were powerless over our 4 legged (sometimes 2 legged, sometimes finned, sometimes…winged)friends-Our lives had become nothing but lint rollers and poop bags…Our lives become ungovernable.58942_main._ac_sl400_v1534258030_
  2.  Took as the gospel that  these Prima Donas, in fur coats, could restore some sanity to the our atheistic lives.
  3.  Made a stupid decision to volunteer at the local animal shelter, turned our wills over to the Cat and our life insurance policy…to the Dog, as we understood him/her.
  4.  Made a ‘hanging on by a thread’… and cowardly moral inventory of: flea treatments, pet E pedicures,  haircuts, heart-worm pills, dog toys, dog bones, homemade in New Hampshire Cat Nip (organic)…Cat Hotel with wall to wall carpet, Cats in the Kitchen Goldie Lox Chicken and Salmon Recipe Au Jus wet cat food.  Sat down on the Cat’s Wexler Bed, Mid Century Modern ($349.00)…and, cried.il_794xn.1780191748_2anu
  5.  Admitted to Golden Hound and Bastet, and at least Betty White or Peta…the exact nature of our crazy cat lady and Dog is my Co-Pilot, behavior.
  6.  Were entirely ready to have St. Francis, Bastet or Golden Hound…encourage our dotting, eccentric, fanatical, ways.
  7.  Humbly asked Them to stop dragging us about by the short-hairs.
  8.   Made a list of all non animal lovers (shallow mortals, as I like to call them) we had harmed and became willing to make them cat sweaters for x-mas.
  9.  Made direct physical contact to animal abusers…wherever possible, and neutered/spayed them…with a dull knife.
  10.  Continued to take personal inventory of chewed gym shoes, tattered bra, nested on down jacket, steak n cheese sub with bite marks in it, fish tank with paw prints, shredded toilet paper and missing pens.page_1
  11.  Sought through Me time with the Cat or Dog, walks in the woods, tracing the curves of whiskers, belly rubs and chin scratches…to improve our conscious contact with Golden Hound, St. Francis and/or Bastet, as we understood Them.
  12.  Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, WE try to the carry fur on our clothes and the smile in our hearts,  to other struggling Animal Lovers, and to practice these principles when meeting new 4 legged friends…we see on the street.
dr.seuss-what-pet-should-i-get
Dogs kind of default to making friends unless provoked. Cats seem to default to making enemies unless convinced otherwise. -Perry Kilpatrick

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