Are YOU an Eco Friendly Pet Owner

“If I’m off the road and alone…I let him unload!”

That is my ‘earth friendly’ vow as a Pet Owner.

Now I get that shit in the street or snowbank is beyond gross.

**Anyone who calls what comes out of a dog’s ass end…poo!  Is not a true pet owner!

However, three quarters of the state I am in…is rural.  Rural, particularly compared to the trash driven streets of city’s such as, Boston or New York.  But here where the winter chill settles in and plays dirty…I prefer to think of my dog’s shit as…giving back to the earth.

New Hampshire has her ‘old fashion’ politically incorrect hippies, such as myself.  And, she has her L.L. Bean do-gooders who will say Poo Poo on my philosophy.  These well intention-ed, well dressed in earth-wares, persons most likely have the following list of do’s and don’ts when it comes to pet sustainability!

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  • How to Put a Handle on Dog Shit

You could walk all the way back to the car…about two miles as the crow flies.  Tie the bag nice and tight, place it on the floor of your Tesla, drive like a bat out of hell (because the smell is so bad), get a speeding ticket, run up to the second floor of your house to the ‘guest’ bathroom and flush the shit.  The shit that has turned to liquid from the heat of the car.

If you are willing to pay the price…there are water soluble bags for cat litter and dog shit.  This added expense will add to your feeling you have done your best to clean the earth of toileting issues.

  • Do It Yourself Homemade Pet Food

Organ meat is particularly tasteful to the Cat and the Dog.  And, just think of the joy you’ll have when you buy your first organ grinder.

Some say, seafood, oysters to be precise, adds to your furry friend’s sex drive.

  • Do It Yourself Pet Toys

One of the Cat’s favorite toys is my grandmother’s leftover curlers from 1962.  She also enjoys organic catnip in a dirty white tube sock that is knotted up.

I gave the Dog an old shoe years ago!  He loved it.  However, I found myself trying to teach him which shoe is new…and, which one is old.

  • Adopt, Adopt, Adopt

Of course, the most sustainable thing we can do for our health is, adopt a shelter pet.  It is proven that persons who love dogs live longer and happier lives.  The same has been hinted at about cats.   But the Cat is still out on debate on that one.

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A medium-sized dog has a carbon footprint of 2.1 acres, roughly twice the 1 acre for a gas-guzzling sports utility vehicle driven 10,000 kilometres  (6,214 miles) a year… cats occupy the same footprint as a small Volkswagon, while two hamsters equal the same emissions as a plasma-screen television.” – Darcy Matheson, words from her book Greening Your Pet Care.

Two dogs, five cats, leave the carbon, fecal covered, footprint of one melting New Hampshire snowbank mixed with mud…approximately, five feet high and ten feet wide.  Essentially it is enough fertilizer to fill the hole for your casket once the Cat kills you.

#RandomWordbyRuth

 

 

 

12 Step Program for Animal Lovers

  1.  We admitted we were powerless over our 4 legged (sometimes 2 legged, sometimes finned, sometimes…winged)friends-Our lives had become nothing but lint rollers and poop bags…Our lives become ungovernable.58942_main._ac_sl400_v1534258030_
  2.  Took as the gospel that  these Prima Donas, in fur coats, could restore some sanity to the our atheistic lives.
  3.  Made a stupid decision to volunteer at the local animal shelter, turned our wills over to the Cat and our life insurance policy…to the Dog, as we understood him/her.
  4.  Made a ‘hanging on by a thread’… and cowardly moral inventory of: flea treatments, pet E pedicures,  haircuts, heart-worm pills, dog toys, dog bones, homemade in New Hampshire Cat Nip (organic)…Cat Hotel with wall to wall carpet, Cats in the Kitchen Goldie Lox Chicken and Salmon Recipe Au Jus wet cat food.  Sat down on the Cat’s Wexler Bed, Mid Century Modern ($349.00)…and, cried.il_794xn.1780191748_2anu
  5.  Admitted to Golden Hound and Bastet, and at least Betty White or Peta…the exact nature of our crazy cat lady and Dog is my Co-Pilot, behavior.
  6.  Were entirely ready to have St. Francis, Bastet or Golden Hound…encourage our dotting, eccentric, fanatical, ways.
  7.  Humbly asked Them to stop dragging us about by the short-hairs.
  8.   Made a list of all non animal lovers (shallow mortals, as I like to call them) we had harmed and became willing to make them cat sweaters for x-mas.
  9.  Made direct physical contact to animal abusers…wherever possible, and neutered/spayed them…with a dull knife.
  10.  Continued to take personal inventory of chewed gym shoes, tattered bra, nested on down jacket, steak n cheese sub with bite marks in it, fish tank with paw prints, shredded toilet paper and missing pens.page_1
  11.  Sought through Me time with the Cat or Dog, walks in the woods, tracing the curves of whiskers, belly rubs and chin scratches…to improve our conscious contact with Golden Hound, St. Francis and/or Bastet, as we understood Them.
  12.  Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, WE try to the carry fur on our clothes and the smile in our hearts,  to other struggling Animal Lovers, and to practice these principles when meeting new 4 legged friends…we see on the street.
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Dogs kind of default to making friends unless provoked. Cats seem to default to making enemies unless convinced otherwise. -Perry Kilpatrick

In Search of America

Charley doesn’t have our problems. He doesn’t belong to a species clever enough to split the atom but not clever enough to live in peace with itself. He doesn’t even know about race, nor is he concerned with his sisters’ marriage. It’s quite the opposite. Once Charley fell in love with a dachshund, a romance racially unsuitable, physically ridiculous, and mechanically impossible. But all these problems Charley ignored. He loved deeply and tried dogfully. It would be difficult to explain to a dog the good and moral purpose of a thousand humans gathered to curse one tiny human. I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quick and vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts

Travels with Charley

 

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A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike.  =Steinbeck

Everything I Learned in Cat School

  1. To completely understand humility…I must first try to pat a cat
  2. The Cat obviously knows exactly what my faults are and I will be treated bernieaccordingly
  3. I will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats
  4. Cats are like a thing of beauty, strength, and grace that lies behind…a poor attitude
  5. In the dark all cats and all women are beautiful
  6. There are no dog houses for cats
  7. Beware the Cat hater
  8. Mostly, a cat is a cat and that is that
  9. The Cat will wait until you clean the ‘cat box’ before using it
  10. puff daddy
    When rats infest the Palace a lame cat is better than the swiftest horse.

Prayer to Bastet

  1. No one will have other gods…but me
  2. Thou shall maim, either in spirit, mind or body.  I will however only castrate owner or prey.  Leaving all in my wake to only wish were dead.
  3. Thou shall provoke my human friend to take the Lord’s name in vain.
  4. Honor myself.  No matter the ‘silly’ name my mother and father give me.
  5. I will cat around as many of the days I shall live.
  6. Thou shall encourage my brother (the dog) to covet the neighbor’s cat.
  7. I promise to idolize all false idols: cat toys, bread ties, balled up socks and…kitty can’t cope, catnip sacks.
  8. I shall remember and keep meal time as, anytime I want it.
  9. I must not give false evidence against the joys of sleep.
  10. I must encourage others to be envious of me.  Envious of my charisma, physical features and I don’t give a shit attitude.