Humping!

A day at the dog park or rural trail can often poise a problem when encountering others with your dog/dogs:

Why does my dog hump? And, how can I get him to knock it the fuck off?

  • Like play fighting, play humping can be a completely normal and acceptable behavior between two dogs as long as it doesn’t upset one of the dogs. Some dogs play hump each other back and forth, and everyone is fine with it. Some dogs simply enjoy humping. Make sure to break it up if one of the dogs seems annoyed by the humping. Training may be useful in decreasing the frequency and intensity of play humping.
  • Sometimes it’s one intact dog humping a spayed or neutered dog. Females hump too, and it may or may not be sexual in nature. When a dog humps objects or people, it might be a form of masturbation. Having your dog neutered or spayed may help with the problem, but be aware that dogs may develop the habit of humping before they’re altered and continue it afterward.
  • Usually, however, dogs aren’t emulating mating behavior when they hump. Nonsexual arousal is more likely to provoke a dog to hump. It’s just a way for the dog to burn off energy or relieve stress. Some dogs bark, some run or jump, and others hump. This is normal for many dogs. If the behavior is frequent, training may help by redirecting your dog to another outlet for its excess energy.
  • Humping could be a sign of a urinary tract infection.
  • Neuter, neuter, neuter! This is a given! We are a lesbian household. Thus, every male has had a pediatric spay.
  • Catch the little shit in the act and shout, stop, down! Behave like the distressed and psychotic parent you are.

**Like that ever works

There are many embarrassing things I do…that I’m sure my dogs, secretly, abhor. Such as, calling them ‘sweetie’ in front of their friends at the dog park. Or, kissing them on the head in public.

My dogs hump! That’s right, I am the proud owner of humpy dogs. And, my own research explains exactly why dogs hump. Hump each other. Hump me. Hump other dogs. Hump strangers. Hump cows.

Dogs hump to get back at us, their so called, best friends.

http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/general-pet-care/low-cost-spayneuter-programs

Are YOU an Eco Friendly Pet Owner

“If I’m off the road and alone…I let him unload!”

That is my ‘earth friendly’ vow as a Pet Owner.

Now I get that shit in the street or snowbank is beyond gross.

**Anyone who calls what comes out of a dog’s ass end…poo!  Is not a true pet owner!

However, three quarters of the state I am in…is rural.  Rural, particularly compared to the trash driven streets of city’s such as, Boston or New York.  But here where the winter chill settles in and plays dirty…I prefer to think of my dog’s shit as…giving back to the earth.

New Hampshire has her ‘old fashion’ politically incorrect hippies, such as myself.  And, she has her L.L. Bean do-gooders who will say Poo Poo on my philosophy.  These well intention-ed, well dressed in earth-wares, persons most likely have the following list of do’s and don’ts when it comes to pet sustainability!

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  • How to Put a Handle on Dog Shit

You could walk all the way back to the car…about two miles as the crow flies.  Tie the bag nice and tight, place it on the floor of your Tesla, drive like a bat out of hell (because the smell is so bad), get a speeding ticket, run up to the second floor of your house to the ‘guest’ bathroom and flush the shit.  The shit that has turned to liquid from the heat of the car.

If you are willing to pay the price…there are water soluble bags for cat litter and dog shit.  This added expense will add to your feeling you have done your best to clean the earth of toileting issues.

  • Do It Yourself Homemade Pet Food

Organ meat is particularly tasteful to the Cat and the Dog.  And, just think of the joy you’ll have when you buy your first organ grinder.

Some say, seafood, oysters to be precise, adds to your furry friend’s sex drive.

  • Do It Yourself Pet Toys

One of the Cat’s favorite toys is my grandmother’s leftover curlers from 1962.  She also enjoys organic catnip in a dirty white tube sock that is knotted up.

I gave the Dog an old shoe years ago!  He loved it.  However, I found myself trying to teach him which shoe is new…and, which one is old.

  • Adopt, Adopt, Adopt

Of course, the most sustainable thing we can do for our health is, adopt a shelter pet.  It is proven that persons who love dogs live longer and happier lives.  The same has been hinted at about cats.   But the Cat is still out on debate on that one.

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A medium-sized dog has a carbon footprint of 2.1 acres, roughly twice the 1 acre for a gas-guzzling sports utility vehicle driven 10,000 kilometres  (6,214 miles) a year… cats occupy the same footprint as a small Volkswagon, while two hamsters equal the same emissions as a plasma-screen television.” – Darcy Matheson, words from her book Greening Your Pet Care.

Two dogs, five cats, leave the carbon, fecal covered, footprint of one melting New Hampshire snowbank mixed with mud…approximately, five feet high and ten feet wide.  Essentially it is enough fertilizer to fill the hole for your casket once the Cat kills you.

#RandomWordbyRuth

 

 

 

12 Step Program for Animal Lovers

  1.  We admitted we were powerless over our 4 legged (sometimes 2 legged, sometimes finned, sometimes…winged)friends-Our lives had become nothing but lint rollers and poop bags…Our lives become ungovernable.58942_main._ac_sl400_v1534258030_
  2.  Took as the gospel that  these Prima Donas, in fur coats, could restore some sanity to the our atheistic lives.
  3.  Made a stupid decision to volunteer at the local animal shelter, turned our wills over to the Cat and our life insurance policy…to the Dog, as we understood him/her.
  4.  Made a ‘hanging on by a thread’… and cowardly moral inventory of: flea treatments, pet E pedicures,  haircuts, heart-worm pills, dog toys, dog bones, homemade in New Hampshire Cat Nip (organic)…Cat Hotel with wall to wall carpet, Cats in the Kitchen Goldie Lox Chicken and Salmon Recipe Au Jus wet cat food.  Sat down on the Cat’s Wexler Bed, Mid Century Modern ($349.00)…and, cried.il_794xn.1780191748_2anu
  5.  Admitted to Golden Hound and Bastet, and at least Betty White or Peta…the exact nature of our crazy cat lady and Dog is my Co-Pilot, behavior.
  6.  Were entirely ready to have St. Francis, Bastet or Golden Hound…encourage our dotting, eccentric, fanatical, ways.
  7.  Humbly asked Them to stop dragging us about by the short-hairs.
  8.   Made a list of all non animal lovers (shallow mortals, as I like to call them) we had harmed and became willing to make them cat sweaters for x-mas.
  9.  Made direct physical contact to animal abusers…wherever possible, and neutered/spayed them…with a dull knife.
  10.  Continued to take personal inventory of chewed gym shoes, tattered bra, nested on down jacket, steak n cheese sub with bite marks in it, fish tank with paw prints, shredded toilet paper and missing pens.page_1
  11.  Sought through Me time with the Cat or Dog, walks in the woods, tracing the curves of whiskers, belly rubs and chin scratches…to improve our conscious contact with Golden Hound, St. Francis and/or Bastet, as we understood Them.
  12.  Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, WE try to the carry fur on our clothes and the smile in our hearts,  to other struggling Animal Lovers, and to practice these principles when meeting new 4 legged friends…we see on the street.

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Dogs kind of default to making friends unless provoked. Cats seem to default to making enemies unless convinced otherwise. -Perry Kilpatrick

National Pet Day 2019

Vanity: the original hate crime

There are many things I’ve always wanted to know about my animals.  Such as, why did you eat that, how did you get yourself in there, when hell freezes over, you’ll love me, and…where on earth did you get that thing that looks like an over cooked bat?

For national pet day, I gathered my brood and announced, there will be a new and improved, sheriff in town.  Everyone just turned and walked away, as is typical.  Therefore, I went on-line to find out…WTF is wrong with these animals?

-Cats don’t typically meow at each other—that’s a communication tool reserved for their humans. According to Science of Us, in a 2003 study, researchers at Cornell University recorded meows from 12 cats in five typical scenarios; when they played the meows for humans, the people who either had cats, interacted with cats, or liked cats were far more successful in deciphering the scenario. According to the lead author, Nicholas Nicastro, cats are very good at changing their vocalizations depending on the situation: The 7 a.m. “feed me” call, for example, is longer and has more energy in the lower frequencies, while the “adopt me” meow at the local shelter is shorter and equal in low and high frequencies. After millennia of working together, each species has managed to figure out what the other one wants.

-Goldfish have a reputation as short-lived creatures, but given proper care, they can live as long as 30 years in captivity. The oldest captive goldfish ever recorded was won at a fair in 1956 and died in 1999 at age 43.

-Many dogs have a condition nicknamed “Frito Feet,” in which their feet smell little bit like corn chips. As Matt Soniak wrote in a Big Question on this site, this has to do with the kind of bacteria found on a pup’s feet, and “could be due to yeast or Proteus bacteria. Both are known for their sweet, corn tortilla–like smell. Or it could be Pseudomonas bacteria, which smell a little fruitier—but pretty close to popcorn to most noses.”

-One survey found that 81 percent of cat owners let their felines sleep on the bed, compared to 73 percent of dog owners.

-According to the ASPCA, around 2.7 million shelter animals are adopted each year.

-One of the biggest differences between human behavior and cat behavior is the way we approach social interaction. Humans thrive off of establishing and maintaining relationships; we like to talk, touch, and make eye contact with one another. We interpret a lack of social interaction as something negative.

Cats, on the other hand, do not feel a particular need to engage in interactions that do not interest them. Their ancestors were somewhat solitary animals, and they generally did not communicate through sounds. Cats feel no obligation to constantly show their affection, even to their guardians! Your kitty isn’t being rude or spiteful, or even trying to ignore you; they just don’t feel like hanging out right now.

-Dogs receive more olfactory information about the environment with their head outside than inside the car, according to Robin Foster, Ph.D., research professor of animal behavior at the University of Puget Sound.

“The air being forced into the dog’s nose may intensify the odors,” Foster told The Dodo. “Even a dog who can’t get his head out the window, he will spend a lot of time sniffing at a gap in the window – probably gathering real-time intel on the current location.”

 

Thus, my ‘intel’ tells me…

Ride with the window down in the middle of winter.  Wait until my cat comes to me…before I fawn over it.  Adopt, adopt, adopt!  It is far better to lay down with the ‘cat’ than the stinky dog!