The Canine Home Companion has recently been made aware of a new/old online social predator. This animal has been seen disgracing such sites as; Twitter, Facebook and the ASPCA!
Your local dog catcher is offering a reward for the apprehension of these creatures.
the Bog’s, as seen above, is just one of many ‘cute dogs’! He has been known to defecate on unsuspecting lawns while kicking dirt in his owner’s face. Typically the dirt kicking, the breaking of expensive family heirlooms and the embarrassing scenes of misbehavior at the vet’s office, are all products of a narcissist with a dangerous need to live life one day at a time.
These ‘cute dog’ photos have been known to produce bad images of Chihuahua’s in baby bonnets. They have aroused the urge to put our needs behind others. Most alarmingly, cute pet pictures have induced the proprietor into believing there is someone out there who can make everything alright at the end of a shitty day.
The mission of Canine Home Companion is threefold:
First, decrease the vulnerability of pet owners who watch ASPCA commercials, with sad Sarah McLaughlin songs, by exposing them to such classics as; War and Peace, Pet Cemetery and America’s Serial Killers volumes 1 to 10.
Second, develop an online hotline- 1-800-END-CUTE. This phone service will provide rapid, effective and ugly online prerecorded messages,
‘You aren’t cute…And, your mother dresses you funny’
‘Licking my face only ruins the make-up and causes pimples!’
‘Stop looking at me with those big brown eyes! The Grinch has big brown eyes!’
Third, the Canine Companion hopes to enhance and educate the online public via Dog Owner Rehabs, Kibble withdrawal detoxification centers and sites with nothing but 24 hours of political ads!
These predators may seem adorable online but once they have entered your home and your heart…You will realize that they are only there to love you.
Call the Canine Companion today and help keep cynicism alive.
Next week, a one on one interview with cats who live in the closet! Why they are there? And, what do they hope to prove!