Say, What

Things I know I could have said…when high:

You Can’t Let Dick Control Your Life

Thank you for evoking memories, particularly of days gone by. *BBC

You can’t just let nature run wild. *Walter Hickel, former governor of Alaska

I have opinions of my own-strong opinions-but I don’t always agree with them. *President George Bush

Even though there may be some misguided critics of what we’re trying to do, I think we’re on the wrong path. *Ronald Reagan

We don’t have to worry about endangered species-why, we can’t even get rid of the cockroach. *James Watt, former secretary of the interior

I didn’t intend for this to take on a political tone. I’m just here for the drugs. *Nancy Reagan on Just Say No!

Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours. *Yogi Berra

If gays are granted rights, next we’ll have to give rights to prostitutes and to people who sleep with St. Bernard’s and to nail-biters. *Anita Bryant

I was under medication when I made the decision not to burn the tapes. *Richard Nixon

I feel my best when I’m happy! *Winona Ryder

Billie Don’t Be A Hero

1977 Shopping bag against Anita Bryant
1977 Shopping bag against Anita Bryant (Photo credit: blacque_jacques)

ANITA BRYANT SUCKS ORANGES
ANITA BRYANT SUCKS ORANGES (Photo credit: spike55151)

Tragedy strikes small towns everyday.  Bodies dredged up from the river.  Someone’s mother having had one too many wild nights.  Children needing a transplant and the only comparable donor is an Uncle who does not believe parts r just parts. Yet, there is a humourous light on the horizon.  Everyone shout, ‘back in the U.S.S.R…..you don’t know how lucky you are!’ Today in, Anywho, Wherethefuckarewe, God Bless this Mess, America, I am allowed to hold hands with my spouse of many years in public and only received a handful of scuffs and glares.  Today, I suppose the gay community should deem itself lucky.

Yo, Mother Russia what have you got to say for yourself:

Vladimir Putin - Caricature

…law passed with near unanimous support by Russian lawmakers and signed by President Vladimir Putin in June. It bans the “propaganda of nontraditional sexual relations” and imposes fines for providing information about the gay community to minors.

Guess Mother hasn’t had her morning cup of octane grade Vodka yet!  Let’s have a check in with our correspondent down south of the Mississippi line:

‘Anita?  Anita?  Anita Bryant are you there?  Come in!’ Yes, well it seems Anita has found another Russian defector seemingly going unnoticed as, Phil Robertson from the financially prudent and trailer park ladden series, DUCK DYNASTY!

“…a man’s ass can’t compare to a woman’s vagina!…”

Duck Dynasty joins Chick-fil-A

Thank you Phil for setting us straight on what is deemed ‘beautiful and loving’ in a redneck’s eyes.

Phil did receive a huge like from a huge fan: Sarah Palin

“I can see Russia from my kitchen window and I know they hate those ‘Gays'”

In the midst of these domino effects readying the world for more humanly decay, is a lone bright star.

Billie Jean King!  As a child of the eighties, Billie had been the era’s Ellen.  Fortunately, Billie has not sold out and devoted her life to giving prizes to a public that not too long ago would have strung her up by her tennis shoe laces.

Don’t Boycott the 2014 Olympics set to take place in Sochi!  Send every light in the loafers, rainbow studded, rugged and fleet of foot gay and lesbian you can find.

Who’s leading this pack of gender benders?  Ms. Billie, of course.  This woman scared the shit out of many snot faced kids.  Not by her simple ‘I am who I am’ attitude but by her prowlness on the court.

From the "Battle of the Sexes" tenni...
From the “Battle of the Sexes” tennis match featuring Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs at the Astrodome in Houston, Texas. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

She still looks like she could kick some ass.  Simply put Russia you have been checkmated with a big old lesbian…there should be an Olympic medal for that.

Though we are proud of Ms. King’s representation of the LBGT community.  It is important to note that many Russians when drinking Vodka and eating Potato Stew and thinking about those ‘gays’…can become violent with and ugly.  God only knows they are ugly enough without bouts of misdirected anger.

Therefore, we should send Billie off with an oldie but American goodie:

Billie, don’t be a hero, don’t be a fool with your life
Billie, don’t be a  hero, come back and make me your wife
And as Billie started to go she said  keep your pretty head low
Billie, don’t be a hero, come back to me

Read more:  Paper Lace – Billy Don’t Be A Hero Lyrics | MetroLyrics