Tragedy strikes small towns everyday. Bodies dredged up from the river. Someone’s mother having had one too many wild nights. Children needing a transplant and the only comparable donor is an Uncle who does not believe parts r just parts. Yet, there is a humourous light on the horizon. Everyone shout, ‘back in the U.S.S.R…..you don’t know how lucky you are!’ Today in, Anywho, Wherethefuckarewe, God Bless this Mess, America, I am allowed to hold hands with my spouse of many years in public and only received a handful of scuffs and glares. Today, I suppose the gay community should deem itself lucky.
Yo, Mother Russia what have you got to say for yourself:
…law passed with near unanimous support by Russian lawmakers and signed by President Vladimir Putin in June. It bans the “propaganda of nontraditional sexual relations” and imposes fines for providing information about the gay community to minors.
Guess Mother hasn’t had her morning cup of octane grade Vodka yet! Let’s have a check in with our correspondent down south of the Mississippi line:
‘Anita? Anita? Anita Bryant are you there? Come in!’ Yes, well it seems Anita has found another Russian defector seemingly going unnoticed as, Phil Robertson from the financially prudent and trailer park ladden series, DUCK DYNASTY!
“…a man’s ass can’t compare to a woman’s vagina!…”
Thank you Phil for setting us straight on what is deemed ‘beautiful and loving’ in a redneck’s eyes.
Phil did receive a huge like from a huge fan: Sarah Palin
“I can see Russia from my kitchen window and I know they hate those ‘Gays'”
In the midst of these domino effects readying the world for more humanly decay, is a lone bright star.
Billie Jean King! As a child of the eighties, Billie had been the era’s Ellen. Fortunately, Billie has not sold out and devoted her life to giving prizes to a public that not too long ago would have strung her up by her tennis shoe laces.
Don’t Boycott the 2014 Olympics set to take place in Sochi! Send every light in the loafers, rainbow studded, rugged and fleet of foot gay and lesbian you can find.
Who’s leading this pack of gender benders? Ms. Billie, of course. This woman scared the shit out of many snot faced kids. Not by her simple ‘I am who I am’ attitude but by her prowlness on the court.
She still looks like she could kick some ass. Simply put Russia you have been checkmated with a big old lesbian…there should be an Olympic medal for that.
Though we are proud of Ms. King’s representation of the LBGT community. It is important to note that many Russians when drinking Vodka and eating Potato Stew and thinking about those ‘gays’…can become violent with and ugly. God only knows they are ugly enough without bouts of misdirected anger.
Therefore, we should send Billie off with an oldie but American goodie:
Billie, don’t be a hero, don’t be a fool with your life
Billie, don’t be a hero, come back and make me your wife
And as Billie started to go she said keep your pretty head low
Billie, don’t be a hero, come back to me