Edgy

Plummeting to a gravel road.

Cascading city on wheels.

Eighteen wheeled miscreants.

Playing heavy metal solos to the articulation of my heart.

An infinitely booming question begs…

ON what is this sense of impending doom…fed?

Arguments with tension’s gods?

Or, shall I remain ‘fetal with anxieties odds?’

 

Punch drunk breaks of acceptance and it’s dawn…

Amass along my daily way.

Leaving me fetal at vanities reflection.

A righteous temptress would slay such a transgression.

Yet, I am but one woman.

Grasping at restless overgrown weeds with my shaky hands.

Adult!

However, infantile. I am.

A victim to panic’s potion.

Often found at wit’s end.

Frequently unaware of which commotion that will set the wheels of fear…

into motion.

 

 

 

Panicked to be Free

I stagger around in my thoughts…as if an open book

as if a locked attic with no key and skeletons that wish to be free

My panic sets in whether day or night

In small snippets I remember the daffodils, the farmland, the rebirth, the light

In small, form fit spaces…this is where the head and the heart fight

I assume nature is alarmed, possibly having already panicked years before

Perhaps, the reason for a locked attic door

Don’t Panic

To me…there is the possibility of

fear…

fear of what is known

fear of the unknown.

To me…there is the possibility of…

strange thoughts submerged in routine.

Always an angst devil looking over my shoulder…misinterpreting what I mean.

A heart so full it reaches into the throat.

Tranquility resides nearby…but never takes off her coat.

Panic, panic, say what?

Don’t panic, don’t panic…

the only words that I can breathe.

I look inward to a wild rose bush with thorns…

the beauty does not relieve.

G.A.D.

Though I have been told…I am wonderful at small talk; I am trembling on the inside.  The chips on my shoulder provide me with enough distance from others.  And, my smirk, is just an incentive towards personal space.

I have generalized anxiety order.  I know that I am not alone with this.  But in the middle of full blown jitters and racing thoughts…I am alone in a crowded room.

hello-my-name-is-anxiety

7 Things People With Generalized Anxiety Disorder Wish Others Would Stop Saying

“Stop thinking about it.” Don’t you think if it was that easy I would not think about it? It maybe easy for you, but as a person with GAD I have to practice the coping strategies I’ve learned in therapy. And sometimes I can’t even do that. So telling me to not worry simply does not cut it.

“Everyone feels anxious.” Yes, everyone feels anxious, and it is completely natural. Anxiety actually pushes us to get things done, but when your anxiety stops you from being able to function, guess what? That’s a problem.

“I’m stressed too.” Not to discredit your stress, but you are certainly discrediting ours. What you do not understand is that we have a hard time controlling our thoughts, and whether you realize it or not, no matter how small it may seem to you, our anxiety tends to maximize everything.

“I know how you feel.” Unless you have GAD you do not know how I feel, so please stop saying that you do.

“You need to calm down.” When people suffer from GAD, there are times when his/her anxiety is through the roof and it takes me time to calm down. It is always a three-ring circus going on in our heads. That advice is like telling someone who is sick to stop coughing. So no, we cannot calm down right now.

“You are doing too much.” (Translation: “You are being dramatic.”) Thank you for your words of comfort. We know our thoughts can be irrational at times, but that is how our brain works. Can you imagine 1,000 tabs on your computer are opened, and you cannot stop new tabs from opening? Well, that is how we feel. Just because our disorder is invisible does not mean it is not real.

You worry too much.” Yes, we worry too much and we know that, but if you have not figured it out by now, we cannot control it. Telling us we worry too much does not help. We were already worrying about 50 things prior to this unnecessary statement, and now we are worrying about worrying.

T-Kea Blackman

 

 

One Toke Over the Pain…Sweet Jesus!

Due to age, injury and heredity…I have degenerative arthritis.  It is what it is.  Everyday for me is a ‘act as if day.’

Act as if there is no pain.  Act as if the zen like walk outside isn’t, on occasion, interrupted by searing pain.  Act as if…all the pain medication…produces relief.

Yet, Big Pharma, and, the doctors would rather see me on chemicals to which…we really do not realize what their repercussions…will be.

Further still, when I inquire about the healing use of medicinal marijuana…I am just encouraged to keep on popping!

Jim Belushi is far from the first celebrity to get into the legal pot game. Stoned luminaries like Willy Nelson, Snoop Dogg, Tommy Chong, and the Marley family are selling pot with their names on it in multiple states across the country, but Belushi’s doing something different. These other celebrities have simply created a brand that they then license to pot farmers, whereas Belushi is actually growing the pot on his own property, often with his own hands.

Belushi started slowly, first with a small medical grow three years ago and then transitioning into a full recreational farm with multiple outdoor and indoor gardens. He’s been selling his carefully curated set of strains for two years but only recently decided it was time to put his name on the label. Pot shoppers in Oregon can now buy weed from Belushi’s Farm.

I caught up with the former Saturday Night Live (SNL) star by phone a few weeks ago. The actor and musician’s voice was hoarse from singing at a community party he throws on his farm every year. We talked about what it’s like growing legal pot, working with David Lynch, a vape pen of his that’s been making the rounds in Beverly Hills, and how he thinks medical marijuana could have saved his brother John Belushi’s life.

Do you think if medical marijuana was around then it could have helped him?

I think what we know about marijuana today, if we knew in the ’70s, a lot more people would be alive, including my brother. Danny Aykryod said, ‘If your brother John was a pothead he would be alive today.’

The medicine of marijuana will help prevent the collapse of families. I came from a collapsed family and the trauma of John’s death, you could imagine, and I’ve always been in search of family because of it. And this family of marijuana cannabis people is a terrific family. They’re all being led by the plant.

But the wellness of cannabis is not just for Alzheimer’s, headaches, anxiety—it also enhances the sound of music. It sparks creativity. It enhances the taste of food. It enhances the touch of your lover’s skin. It also gives you euphoria, a sense of joy, and a higher consciousness. So there’s wellness all across.

lester black/thestranger.com