Lizzie Borden and Her Cat

Crazy Cat Lady?

No, I’ve never been referred to as a, lady.

Yes, I have been known to be madly…antagonistic.

And, I have my fair share of CATS!

Perhaps, more accurately…I am a Crazy Cat Lesbian!

For myself, and others like me, Cats are a mystery that will never be completely solved.

For myself and others like me,

I have been pried awake from a dead sleep to…bitchy, always open, resting…eyes!

It is an unsettling feeling. Invisibly hypnotic emerald eyes, dilated and magnificent in color, from a darkened room, not seen but felt.

Like a scary movie where you know for certain something will be jumping out of creepy corner…and, time and time again, an un-containable scream.

Let us be honest…The Cat is out to get its owner. There are only two questions the Cat Lover should be asking herself:

Is the un-examined life really worth living…?

Why is my Cat such a bitch?

Well, I discovered through very little research (as I don’t believe in the whole…understanding is knowledge thing) that many of us suffer from being…Pussy Whipped!

And, like good Cat Lovers do, we down grade aggressiveness to being…feisty and unpredictable.

I took some ‘terms’ and posed them against my family of feline’s behavior:

-Does the Cat swat?

yes!

Does the Cat scratch on your great grandmother’s kitchen table that survived the ‘Great Depression?’

yes!

When another the Cat walks into the living-room does the first Diva…

growl, hiss, posture or pull her ears back?

yes!

Does the Cat stalk the Human as if they were…prey? Particularly if the dish is dry, the box is dusty, attention is wanted and/or they want to go out and maim little field mice!

yes!

Finally,

Does the Cat stick her ass in one of at least two faces, yours or the next door neighbor’s, balls have dropped, Tom Cat?

yes!

Can the Cat Lover…un-Bitch her cat?

no!

I took an online quiz to get to the bottom of this issue. Not really sure why. Being educated but lacking the depth of the Cat, I will never solve the mystery. But my the Cat…scored a 90! Just another item to add to the Bitchy Cat resume!

https://brainfall.com/quizzes/how-bitchy-is-your-cat/2c17s2/

Little known fact:

Lizzie Borden loved the Cat!

Lizzie and Emma Borden were among the top donors to animal-welfare groups in Fall River. In her will, Lizzie left $30,000 to the Animal Rescue League of Fall River. That bequest continues to help animals today.

Are YOU an Eco Friendly Pet Owner

“If I’m off the road and alone…I let him unload!”

That is my ‘earth friendly’ vow as a Pet Owner.

Now I get that shit in the street or snowbank is beyond gross.

**Anyone who calls what comes out of a dog’s ass end…poo!  Is not a true pet owner!

However, three quarters of the state I am in…is rural.  Rural, particularly compared to the trash driven streets of city’s such as, Boston or New York.  But here where the winter chill settles in and plays dirty…I prefer to think of my dog’s shit as…giving back to the earth.

New Hampshire has her ‘old fashion’ politically incorrect hippies, such as myself.  And, she has her L.L. Bean do-gooders who will say Poo Poo on my philosophy.  These well intention-ed, well dressed in earth-wares, persons most likely have the following list of do’s and don’ts when it comes to pet sustainability!

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  • How to Put a Handle on Dog Shit

You could walk all the way back to the car…about two miles as the crow flies.  Tie the bag nice and tight, place it on the floor of your Tesla, drive like a bat out of hell (because the smell is so bad), get a speeding ticket, run up to the second floor of your house to the ‘guest’ bathroom and flush the shit.  The shit that has turned to liquid from the heat of the car.

If you are willing to pay the price…there are water soluble bags for cat litter and dog shit.  This added expense will add to your feeling you have done your best to clean the earth of toileting issues.

  • Do It Yourself Homemade Pet Food

Organ meat is particularly tasteful to the Cat and the Dog.  And, just think of the joy you’ll have when you buy your first organ grinder.

Some say, seafood, oysters to be precise, adds to your furry friend’s sex drive.

  • Do It Yourself Pet Toys

One of the Cat’s favorite toys is my grandmother’s leftover curlers from 1962.  She also enjoys organic catnip in a dirty white tube sock that is knotted up.

I gave the Dog an old shoe years ago!  He loved it.  However, I found myself trying to teach him which shoe is new…and, which one is old.

  • Adopt, Adopt, Adopt

Of course, the most sustainable thing we can do for our health is, adopt a shelter pet.  It is proven that persons who love dogs live longer and happier lives.  The same has been hinted at about cats.   But the Cat is still out on debate on that one.

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A medium-sized dog has a carbon footprint of 2.1 acres, roughly twice the 1 acre for a gas-guzzling sports utility vehicle driven 10,000 kilometres  (6,214 miles) a year… cats occupy the same footprint as a small Volkswagon, while two hamsters equal the same emissions as a plasma-screen television.” – Darcy Matheson, words from her book Greening Your Pet Care.

Two dogs, five cats, leave the carbon, fecal covered, footprint of one melting New Hampshire snowbank mixed with mud…approximately, five feet high and ten feet wide.  Essentially it is enough fertilizer to fill the hole for your casket once the Cat kills you.

#RandomWordbyRuth

 

 

 

Lahsuniya

Mischievous with a swagger…in and between, the last march.

Desire’s Siren…immortal as the young pretender.

Fawn speckled by pure ivory…

Flippant and tolerant…stained glass

A mystery deliverance bathed by indifference…toward favoring the past.

Infinitely disciplined, her head held high.

I find myself sardine-d…in a Cat’s Eye.

Merged, paw to whisker, in her maleficent mind.

Time after promised time,

I feel I may go blind.

Not an innocent victim

We, I, devotees of tail chasing and scorners of notion’s kind.

All the ages passed, Golden, Roaring and alike…

Nature breaks through the eyes of a cat -Irish Proverb

have swam into the fathomless lake.

Only to chance a glimpse into

shades of glory and lashes…a flutter.

If only to partake…’how far is heaven?’

A Cat’s Eye.

 

That’s Mrs. Crazy Cat Lady…to You!

Crazy Cat Lady explains her ‘neurosis’ to the ‘cat!’

Want me to love you in moderation?
Do I look moderate to you?

Want me to love you in moderation?
Well, who do you think you’re talking to?

I’ve never made it with moderation.  No, I’ve never understood…All the feeling was all or nothing.  And, I took everything I could.  Can’t hold it back. I can’t take the tension.  Oh, I’m trying to be good!
Want me to love you in moderation?
Well don’t you know, I wish I could.

Florence+the Machine

 

Pet Names

As an adoption manager at a local animal shelter, I ‘fostered’ many left behinds.  Cats that were deemed too old.  Dogs that did not play nice with others.  Kittens with no mothers…the list goes on and on.  With that said, our little family consists of two dogs and five cats.

And, just like my childhood, you’ve done something wrong, Ruth Marie Bowley., name..blah, blah, blah, my animals have several ‘nicknames.’

Bogie, Bogart, dickwad, peckerhead, bastard child…100_0541

Mattie, Matilda, Mrs. Sloth, Piglet, Slo Mo.the dogs 1

Pork Chop, Porkie, Diva, Queenie.

secret-2

Stella, Stell, Stella Stella Accapala.imageedit_72_8040243744

Polly-Anne, Bitch, Poll Poll, Meanie

Bernie, Bern Master, the Bern, Monster, Stud Muffin

Puff Daddy, P – Did, Puff Pussy, Bae Bae.

To me, these are terms of endearment that generally, have no relevance to what my pet looks like.  I was treated to several ‘strange’ nicknames, as a child.  But I knew they were sometimes given with love.  As is what I hope my animals believe I am offering to them.  Even when they have misbehaved and I’m not happy with them.