Sweetheart Like You

 

To be naïve is to own a bathroom without a plunger!
To be naïve is to own a bathroom without a plunger!

I ask, who really cares?
Is it the young adult who throws love around like a tit full of cellulite?
Is it the middle aged lesbian who is compulsively aware of her plight brought on by ignorance and therefore, abides by no rules?
Are people basically good?
And, what is love?
Some of the most important questions we will seek answers to…We will continue to search out…Our whole life…Only to come out emptied handed.
Driving amongst the pouring rain tonight, the moon hidden by the sick sense of  astronimichumor Mother Nature bestows upon us from time to time. In the sweep of my truck tires and the sounds of Adele, a distant and somewhat comical memory came up to me and shook my hand.
My mother, bless her soul, years before the anti-smoking fashion became all the craze; had been accompanying me for a quick toke off a Marlboro Red in a vacant parking lot…one awful, over stuffed Thanksgiving.
As we coughed and spat and enjoyed our cancer stick. A car of unknown not made in America origin strolled by…on the back were these words stamped out in red, white and blue.

English: Marlboro cigarette in pack.
English: Marlboro cigarette in pack. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

MEAN PEOPLE SUCK, NICE PEOPLE SWALLOW.
Being a devout catholic who insists in finding the good in all of us, my mother stated, ‘how nice that is!’
I choked and hammered and hawed, ‘what do you mean, Ma? You mean that bumper sticker?’
She smiles from the inside out and states, ‘yes, isn’t it nice for people to promote such a thing? To get over your differences and swallow your words…I’ve always believed in that!’
At the time, back in the good old not so far from today…days, good ole Ma had an answering machine. And, I knew without posing the question what the next remark would be from my saintly mother.
‘I think I’ll use that saying for a new message on my machine!’
It was then and there that the roles reversed themselves and got twisted up in the game of life and sex and right and wrong.
Gently and with a newly lit cigarette in hand, I explained the facts of life to my mother. A situation I have been able to avoid ever since. To this day I wonder, what would Father John have said, if he called upon my mother at home to possibly come in next Sunday to hand out the sacrament and only got the answering machine? What if Sister Pat phoned and inquired about the new Bingo machine that had been on back order for months?  What would her habit have thought of such a message?
Fun as it would have been in my own catholic girl’s do not start much too late, mentality. I had to burst my mother’s virginal bubble.
Tonight, though, while heading north of north. I smiled and thought, wouldn’t it be nice to feel that naivety again? To believe in the good that resides in all of us. To enjoy the love I have waiting at home with me. A partner who rises early and beds down at the crack of sundown. A lover who awaits me with open arms and a caring and comforting charm.
Thank Christ for memory it prompts the jaded edges of my composure to tread lightly when it is graced by the beautiful women in my life.

 

the Laughing Queen
There’s only one step down from here, baby It’s called the land of permanent bliss What’s a sweetheart like you doing in a dump like this ?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Emma Boil N Skip Wad 4 Christmas

Christ! For Christmas!

Miss Emma Boil

13 Annus Lane

Beaver Bush, New York

December 14, 2013

Dearest John:

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree.  What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised.

With deepest love and devotion, Emma

On the second day of Christmas…

xmas2

 Miss Emma Boil
13 Annus Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 15, 2013

Dearest Skip:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift.
Just imagine two turtle doves.  I’m just delighted
at your very thoughtful gift.  They are just
adorable.

All my love,

Emma

On the third day of Christmas…

xmas1

 Miss Emma Boil
13 Annus Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 16, 2013

Dearest Skip:

Oh!  Aren’t you the extravagant one.  Now I really
must protest.  I don’t deserve such generosity,
Three French hens. They are just darling but I must
insist, you’ve been too kind.

Love,

Emma

On the fourth day of Christmas…

Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (mu...
Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (musical) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Miss Emma Boil
13 Annus Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 17, 2013

Dear Skip,

Today the postman delivered 4 calling birds.  Now
really, they are beautiful but don’t you think
enough is enough. You’re being too romantic.

Affectionately,

Emma

On the fifth day of Christmas…

xmas4

 Miss Emma Boil
13 Annus Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 18, 2013

Dearest Skip:

What a surprise.  Today the postman delivered 5
golden rings; one for every finger.  You’re just
impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds
squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love,

Emma

xmas3

On the sixth day of Christmas…

Miss Emma Boil
13 Annus Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 19, 2013

Dear Skip Wad:

When I opened the door there were actually 6 geese
a-laying on my front steps.  So, you’re back to
the birds again, huh?  Those geese are huge.  Where
will I ever keep them?  The neighbors are
complaining and I can’t sleep through the racket.

Please stop.

Cordially,

Emma

On the seventh day of Christmas…

Bad Santa

  13 Annus Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 20, 2013

Skip:

What’s with you and those crazy birds?  7 swans
a-swimming. What kind of terrible joke is this?
There’s bird shit all over the house, and they
never stop with the racket.  I can’t sleep at
night and I’m a nervous wreck.  It’s not funny.
So stop sending me all these birds!

Sincerely,

Emma

On the eighth day of Christmas…

xmas6

Miss Emma Boil
13 Annus Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 21, 2013

Pecker Head:

I think I prefer the birds.  What am I going to do
with 8 maids a-milking?  It’s not enough with all
those birds and 8 maids a-milking, but they had to
bring their cows!  There is shit all over the lawn
and I can’t move in my own house.  Just lay off me,
smart ass.

Emma

On the ninth day of Christmas…

Scrooge

  Miss Emma Boil
13 Annus Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 22, 2013

Hey!  Shit 4 brains,

What are you?  Some kind of sadist?  Now there’s 9
pipers playing.  And boy, do they play.  They’ve
never stopped chasing those maids since they got
here yesterday morning. They cows are getting upset,
and they’re stepping all over those screeching
birds. What am I going to do?  The neighbors have
started a petition to evict me.

You’ll get yours in Hell,

Emma

On the tenth day of Christmas…

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Miss Emma Boil
13 Annus Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 23, 2013

You Rotten Bastard,

Now there’s 10 ladies dancing.  I don’t know why I
call those sluts ladies.  They’ve been messing with
those pipers all night long.  Now the cows can’t
sleep and they’ve got the diarrhea. My living
room is a river of shit.  The Commissioner of
Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why this
building shouldn’t be condemned.

I’m sicking the po po on you.

From the Bitch .

On the eleventh day of Christmas…

xmas5

Miss Emma Boil
13 Annus Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 24, 2013

Listen!  Needle Dick,

What’s with the 11 lords a-leaping on those maids
and ladies. Some of those broads will never walk
again.  Those pipers ran through the maids and
have been committing sodomy with the cows.  All
23 of the birds are dead.  They’ve been trampled
to death in the orgy.  I hope you’re satisfied,
you rotten, vicious swine.

Your worse nightmare,

Emma

On the twelfth day of Christmas…

 Law Offices
Boehner, Dick and Weiner
the Watergate Hotel, Room 666
Foggy Bottom, Washington D.C.

Merry Christmas graffiti

December 25, 2013
Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 12
fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to
inflict on our client, Miss Emma Boil.
The destruction, of course, was total.  All
correspondence should come to our attention.
If you should attempt to reach Miss Boil
at the Betty Ford Clinic, the attendants have
instructions to shoot you on sight.  With this
letter please find attached warrant for your
arrest.

Cordially,

Boehner, Dick Weiner

Watched You Fall

 

Watched you Fall

No, I am not like you

you in your being of correctiveness

it's such a weary feeling
it’s such a weary feeling

the fake courtesy

when you've been stealing from yourself
when you’ve been stealing from yourself

the righteousness on which you insist.

 

All wrapped up in the mundane

I am not found fetal like nor am I kind.

I am what is dark, dismal and blind.

 

wishing the world away
wishing the world away

 

 

 

Forget the hidden diary

the closet and the unopened bottle of desperation

I don’t believe in forgiven indiscretions

I am not made of any specific social direction.

I come hot and run suddenly cold

blaming someone else
blaming someone else

I am all the power you mistakenly forget to posses

I am burden and I am bold.

 

i watched you fall
i watched you fall

Lying ever in an awakened state

I will not call on you

but forever await.

the Frosty Mug

Cover of "Thelma & Louise"
Cover of Thelma & Louise

As an aspiring alcoholic…my life’s ambition had been to drink one big ass mother fuckin’ over the top frothing at the rim beer…at the Frosty Mug, Concord New Hampshire.
I had heard stories about the ‘Frosty’. Women tough as nails and ten feet tall and bullet proof. A mean cross between Tina Turner and Louise from Thelma and Louise.
I waited and waited and waited my turn at the door. The age of twelve had gone by. I could reach the counter at the Chichester Family Store and Fish Emporium. Mouth ridden by truck driver’s past there had been no issue with my procuring a sac of Mad Dog 20/20 and a treasured pack of Camel’s non filtered…only Turkish blend. None of that domestic bullshit.
Sweet sixteen and never been kissed. Fondled, manhandled and otherwise, hitting all the bases with runners on…I took my first hit of acid whilst carry the blood of Christ to the Altar in parochial school.
Still my want. My desire to be the ‘gal you wouldn’t want to take home to meet your blind and deaf mother’ rode me hard. It kicked my wantonly zealous need for desirable trouble like the curve that took Jimmy Dean.
Seventeen came, edgy and risky and impoverished by good thoughts…I tossed my bad ass ways into the pond of ill repute to see how far I could ride the train.
The door creaked open with a noise only screaming pigeons give off…while in the middle of mating. The ‘Frosty’ had been clad in Marlboro red smoke and worn savory leather. A nod from a Hell’s Angel who had been holding up the foundation of the old building had been returned with the ever so cool nod back and ‘whas up?’
Somehow between here and there in my life of living vicariously close to the edge of death I had learned the harder you are the harder it is to fall. My chip, shoulder-high, and my ego, made of brass balls, lead me to a far end of the world seat with leftover ejaculations from the night before.

Love Thing
Love Thing (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Glancing about tugging on a made from the Argue’s Farmhouse Hard Apple Cider, noting the meanness in the eyes that never connected and the Patsy ClineI Fall to Pieces‘ tune playing on the jukebox…I took my very first deep breath. My virgin sigh of relief, per say. I had finally found my home in the world. A notch above the shit that rides in on a cowboy’s heal after a hard night of cow tipping and just a notch below being ankle high in peanut shells and spilled comfort, Southern Comfort that is.

 

I fall to pieces
Each time I see you again
I fall to pieces
How can I be just your friend

You want me to act like we’ve never kissed
You want me to forget, pretend we’ve never met
And I’ve tried and I’ve tried but I haven’t yet
You walk by, and I fall to pieces

I fall to pieces
Each time someone speaks your name
I fall to pieces
Time only adds to the flame

You tell me to find someone else to love
Someone who’ll love me, too, the way you used to do
But each time I go out with someone new
You walk by and I fall to pieces

(I fall to pieces)
Each time someone speaks your name
(I fall to pieces)
Time only adds to the flame

Original cover of the 1961 studio album, Patsy...
Original cover of the 1961 studio album, Patsy Cline Showcase, which featured her hits from that year, “I Fall to Pieces” and “Crazy”. The cover (and name) were changed following Cline’s death to the more-familiar version seen today. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You tell me to find someone else to love
Someone who’ll love me too, the way you used to do
But each time I go out with someone new
You walk by and I fall to pieces

Mean People Suck

No doubt in my mind where you belong.
No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I ask, who really cares?
Is it the young adult who throws love around like a tit full of cellulite?
Is it the middle aged lesbian who is only aware of the plight brought on by ignorance and therefore, abides by no rules?
Are people basically good?
And, what is love?
Some of the most important questions we will seek answers to our whole life through and in the end, come up empty handed.
Driving amongst the pouring rain tonight, the moon hidden by the sick sense of humor Mother Nature bestows upon us from time to time. In the sweep of the truck tires and the sounds of Adele, a distant and somewhat comical memory came up to me and shook my hand.
My mother, bless her soul, years before the anti-smoking fashion became all the craze; had been accompanying me for a quick toke off a Marlboro Red in a vacant parking lot…one awful, over stuffed Thanksgiving.
As we coughed and spat and enjoyed our cancer stick. A car of unknown not made in America origin strolled by…on the back were these words stamped out in red, white and blue.

English: Marlboro cigarette in pack.
English: Marlboro cigarette in pack. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

MEAN PEOPLE SUCK, NICE PEOPLE SWALLOW.
Being a devout catholic who insists in finding the good in all of us, my mother stated, ‘how nice that is!’
I choked and hammered and hawed, ‘what do you mean, Ma? You mean that bumper sticker?’
She smiles from the inside out and states, ‘yes, isn’t it nice for people to promote such a thing? To get over your differences and swallow your words…I’ve always believed in that!’
At the time, back in the good old not so far from today…days, good ole Ma had an answering machine. And, I knew without posing the question what the next remark would be from my saintly mother.
‘I think I’ll use that saying for a new message on my machine!’
It was then and there that the roles reversed themselves and got twisted up in the game of life and sex and right and wrong.
Gently and with a newly lit cigarette in hand, I explained the facts of life to my mother. A situation I have been able to avoid ever since. To this day I wonder, what would Father John have said, if he called upon my mother at home to possibly come in next Sunday to hand out the sacrament and only got the answering machine? What if Sister Pat phoned and inquired about the new Bingo machine that had been on back order for months?  What would her habit have thought of such a message?
Fun as it would have been in my own catholic girl’s do not start much too late, mentality. I had to burst my mother’s virginal bubble.
Tonight, though, while heading north of north. I smiled and thought, wouldn’t it be nice to feel that naivety again? To believe in the good that resides in all of us. To enjoy the love I have waiting at home with me. A partner who rises early and beds down at the crack of sundown. A lover who awaits me with open arms and a caring and comforting charm.
Thank Christ for memory it prompts the jaded edges of my composure to tread lightly when it is graced by the beautiful women in my life.

 

When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.

I know you haven’t made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I’ve known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I’d go hungry; I’d go black and blue,
I’d go crawling down the avenue.
No, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
The winds of change are blowing wild and free,
You ain’t seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn’t do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love

into our life a little levity must fall
into our life a little levity must fall