So, what gives? ‘You say, tomato…I say, toma-toe…let’s call the whole thing off!’
My spouse and 73.6% of all partnered white lesbian households where there is one Capricorn and one Pisces, neither having similar hair color or synchronicity in musically taste: Show that cat and dog households can co-mingle.
Yes, cats have more neuro transmitters per snobby capita. However, dogs are larger in size and therefore, most likely just spreading their intelligence too thin.
Indeed cats seem to know that grooming is not just a last-minute ditch to be invited to sleep in the big bed. Cats just seem to know that bathing is not something you do in a sinkhole.
Known fact?
Help I’ve mixed my personality disorder with OCD…I named her, CAT!
All licensed and hoped to be licensed lesbian, transgender, bi-sexual, homosexual and heterosexual couples are aware that you cannot co-exist as a dog meet dog and/or cat meet cat household. Most enter into their perspectives relationships in the following manner:
‘Barley is my cat…I’ve had him since I was two years old…he is now 35 and I won’t give him up. He doesn’t bark, shit himself, eat his own vomit or request my presence while he cleans his pecker.’
‘No, you don’t understand, Mattie saved me when I almost fell into the fire pit while drinking Tequila and hunting crows…she ran over and threw herself down on top of me and smothered me with love. She was there when Ellen came out and barked with joy when Rosie went off the air.’
For Fact Sake:
Let’s examine the evidence
Cats have a sense of superiority akin to the cheerleader you hated in High School. They are aloof and generally travel to the beat of a psychotic introvert drummer. Felines no matter how you cut it, they are just pretending to be obtuse to who is smarter, better and/or above reproach…for that kind of behavior is below them.
Marriage is a bond between two persons. A bond that allows for growth, conditional and unconditional love. Marriage is learning to pick your battles. Marriage is my dog will have to live in the same household as your overly fed, narcissistic, anti-social, CAT!
Therefore, the ‘real’ facts between unionizing cats and dogs and marriage:
Allow for your spouse to have a cat that will live in the basement…for eternity! This cat has never aged, never set a paw on the first floor, does not accept your presence and is currently plotting your dogs demise!
Believe your wife when she states the following:
‘I honestly think that my cat sees dead people! She stares at the wall for infinite periods of time. And, she will occasionally, raise a paw to a shadow…as if she were greeting someone!’
**Also believe, there is now psychotropic medication for neurotic cats!
Do not argue with your partner…ever, ever, ever, about the fact that cats do not seem to know the notion of fun. Do not come home from a long enlightened walk in the woods with the dogs and say:
‘Honey, you should have seen them playing tag with the Gopher! Throwing it up in the air. Playing catch with it! Maiming it!’
Your long-term best friend with benefits, will look at your with disgust in her eyes and dread in her voice. She will tell you what a heathen you and your dogs are. She will also tell you…her cats play better, have more fun and enjoy life…far better than any canine. She will than bring up the story of how Prince, the pedigree pompous ass Persian, learned to use the toilet!
To be naïve is to own a bathroom without a plunger!
I ask, who really cares?
Is it the young adult who throws love around like a tit full of cellulite?
Is it the middle aged lesbian who is compulsively aware of her plight brought on by ignorance and therefore, abides by no rules?
Are people basically good?
And, what is love?
Some of the most important questions we will seek answers to…We will continue to search out…Our whole life…Only to come out emptied handed.
Driving amongst the pouring rain tonight, the moon hidden by the sick sense of astronimichumor Mother Nature bestows upon us from time to time. In the sweep of my truck tires and the sounds of Adele, a distant and somewhat comical memory came up to me and shook my hand.
My mother, bless her soul, years before the anti-smoking fashion became all the craze; had been accompanying me for a quick toke off a Marlboro Red in a vacant parking lot…one awful, over stuffed Thanksgiving.
As we coughed and spat and enjoyed our cancer stick. A car of unknown not made in America origin strolled by…on the back were these words stamped out in red, white and blue.
English: Marlboro cigarette in pack. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
MEAN PEOPLE SUCK, NICE PEOPLE SWALLOW.
Being a devout catholic who insists in finding the good in all of us, my mother stated, ‘how nice that is!’
I choked and hammered and hawed, ‘what do you mean, Ma? You mean that bumper sticker?’
She smiles from the inside out and states, ‘yes, isn’t it nice for people to promote such a thing? To get over your differences and swallow your words…I’ve always believed in that!’
At the time, back in the good old not so far from today…days, good ole Ma had an answering machine. And, I knew without posing the question what the next remark would be from my saintly mother.
‘I think I’ll use that saying for a new message on my machine!’
It was then and there that the roles reversed themselves and got twisted up in the game of life and sex and right and wrong.
Gently and with a newly lit cigarette in hand, I explained the facts of life to my mother. A situation I have been able to avoid ever since. To this day I wonder, what would Father John have said, if he called upon my mother at home to possibly come in next Sunday to hand out the sacrament and only got the answering machine? What if Sister Pat phoned and inquired about the new Bingo machine that had been on back order for months? What would her habit have thought of such a message?
Fun as it would have been in my own catholic girl’s do not start much too late, mentality. I had to burst my mother’s virginal bubble.
Tonight, though, while heading north of north. I smiled and thought, wouldn’t it be nice to feel that naivety again? To believe in the good that resides in all of us. To enjoy the love I have waiting at home with me. A partner who rises early and beds down at the crack of sundown. A lover who awaits me with open arms and a caring and comforting charm.
Thank Christ for memory it prompts the jaded edges of my composure to tread lightly when it is graced by the beautiful women in my life.
There’s only one step down from here, baby It’s called the land of permanent bliss What’s a sweetheart like you doing in a dump like this ?
I ask, who really cares?
Is it the young adult who throws love around like a tit full of cellulite?
Is it the middle aged lesbian who is only aware of the plight brought on by ignorance and therefore, abides by no rules?
Are people basically good?
And, what is love?
Some of the most important questions we will seek answers to our whole life through and in the end, come up empty handed.
Driving amongst the pouring rain tonight, the moon hidden by the sick sense of humor Mother Nature bestows upon us from time to time. In the sweep of the truck tires and the sounds of Adele, a distant and somewhat comical memory came up to me and shook my hand.
My mother, bless her soul, years before the anti-smoking fashion became all the craze; had been accompanying me for a quick toke off a Marlboro Red in a vacant parking lot…one awful, over stuffed Thanksgiving.
As we coughed and spat and enjoyed our cancer stick. A car of unknown not made in America origin strolled by…on the back were these words stamped out in red, white and blue.
English: Marlboro cigarette in pack. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
MEAN PEOPLE SUCK, NICE PEOPLE SWALLOW.
Being a devout catholic who insists in finding the good in all of us, my mother stated, ‘how nice that is!’
I choked and hammered and hawed, ‘what do you mean, Ma? You mean that bumper sticker?’
She smiles from the inside out and states, ‘yes, isn’t it nice for people to promote such a thing? To get over your differences and swallow your words…I’ve always believed in that!’
At the time, back in the good old not so far from today…days, good ole Ma had an answering machine. And, I knew without posing the question what the next remark would be from my saintly mother.
‘I think I’ll use that saying for a new message on my machine!’
It was then and there that the roles reversed themselves and got twisted up in the game of life and sex and right and wrong.
Gently and with a newly lit cigarette in hand, I explained the facts of life to my mother. A situation I have been able to avoid ever since. To this day I wonder, what would Father John have said, if he called upon my mother at home to possibly come in next Sunday to hand out the sacrament and only got the answering machine? What if Sister Pat phoned and inquired about the new Bingo machine that had been on back order for months? What would her habit have thought of such a message?
Fun as it would have been in my own catholic girl’s do not start much too late, mentality. I had to burst my mother’s virginal bubble.
Tonight, though, while heading north of north. I smiled and thought, wouldn’t it be nice to feel that naivety again? To believe in the good that resides in all of us. To enjoy the love I have waiting at home with me. A partner who rises early and beds down at the crack of sundown. A lover who awaits me with open arms and a caring and comforting charm.
Thank Christ for memory it prompts the jaded edges of my composure to tread lightly when it is graced by the beautiful women in my life.
When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace To make you feel my love.
When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.
I know you haven’t made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I’ve known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.
I’d go hungry; I’d go black and blue,
I’d go crawling down the avenue.
No, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love.
The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
The winds of change are blowing wild and free,
You ain’t seen nothing like me yet.
I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn’t do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love
TheCertifiablyTRUERavingsOfASectionedPhilosopher: Don't be afraid to think you might be a little 'crazy'. Who isn't? Check out some of my visualized poems here: https://www.instagram.com/maxismaddened/
