Applying for Ganja

Pot Smoker Needed:

20-stoner-canon.w512.h600.2x
Marijuana is fuel for a creative mind. Fuck this prohibition. -a.k. kuykendall

The D.E.A., is currently receiving applications for the above mentioned job.  Please note below job requirements –

-Persons must be able to lift a minimum of an ounce

-Persons should have no known allergies to Saran Wrap baggies

-Persons should be able to hold their breath for at least…10 seconds

-Persons should be acquainted with a variety of lighters

i.e. Mini Bics, wooden Matches, gas stove tops

-Persons should be willing to eat two half gallons of Heavenly Hash and 5 Super Sim Jim’s within a half an hour

**Felons may apply:  As most of America’s petty pot growers/smokers, are in jail or have been at one time or another

***Overtime is required as the worker may, for prolonged periods of time, forget what they were are supposed to do next

DEA looking for a Houston contractor who can burn Thousands of pounds of pot

The contractor must be able to burn at 1,000 pounds of marijuana per hour and for a minimum of eight consecutive hours per day.

HOUSTON — The Drug Enforcement Agency has been flooded with phone calls since we first reported they are looking for a Houston-area contractor to burn pot and other seized drugs.

There are special requirements for the job. The contractor must be able to incinerate various items like papers, cassette tapes, bulk marijuana, pharmaceuticals, and other incidental controlled substances.

he contractor must be able to burn at 1,000 pounds of marijuana per hour and for a minimum of eight consecutive hours per day.

While the contractor will need to do their own background checks and drug tests, the DEA says they reserve the right to conduct their own background check on the contractor’s personnel.

The DEA also requires that the contractor have their own closed-circuit cameras, and they observe the right to access the video to make sure the evidence is being properly destroyed.

Townie Folks Lore

the Anti Driver

Damn this traffic jam, how I hate to be late, it hurts my motor to go so slow.  Damn this traffic jam, time I get home my supper'll be cold, damn this traffic jam.
Damn this traffic jam, how I hate to be late, it hurts my motor to go so slow.
Damn this traffic jam, time I get home my supper’ll be cold, damn this traffic jam.

1. What is the maximum damage I can do on my parent’s insurance?

a. shit load

b. text to find out more

c. ask your BFF

d. too much is never enough

Well I left my job about 5 o'clock, it took fifteen minutes go three blocks,  Just in time to stand in line with a freeway looking like a parking lot.
Well I left my job about 5 o’clock, it took fifteen minutes go three blocks,
Just in time to stand in line with a freeway looking like a parking lot.

2. What do the solid lines on the highway mean?

a. go as fast as hell…you now own the road

b. you are free to unfasten your seatbelts and perform daily grooming maintenance

c. the state of New Hampshire has poor taste when it comes to color schemes

d. doesn’t really matter because it is all about you anyway

3. When you drop your phone and your fat-free Latte from D n D which should you pick up first?

a. call Jerry Springer he would know

b. OMG the phone of course!

c. the phone first, text your BFF and have them bring you another Latte

d. All of the above

Now I almost had a heart attack, looking in my rear view mirror,  I saw myself the next car back, looking in the rear view mirror,  about to have a heart attack, I said,  damn this traffic jam
Now I almost had a heart attack, looking in my rear view mirror,
I saw myself the next car back, looking in the rear view mirror,
about to have a heart attack, I said,
damn this traffic jam

4. In what direction should you face when poising for your driver’s license?

a. to the right similar to your mug shot photo

b. ask your A.A. sponsor

c. no matter…you can photo shop it

d. none of the above the NSA has your photo anyway

6. Which of the following is most likely to get you into rehab:

a. blaming the meth lab in your trunk on your baby daddy

b. pretending that you are a blonde

c. mixing Molly and Jim Beam and his friend’s Smith & Wesson

d. nothing rehab is for quitters

In ending the state of New Hampshire would like to welcome all new driver’s at the wine and liquor outlets located within driving distance from the DMV.

Now when I die I don't want no coffin, I thought about it all too often.  Just strap me in behind the wheel and bury me with my automobile.
Now when I die I don’t want no coffin, I thought about it all too often.
Just strap me in behind the wheel and bury me with my automobile.
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