the Tree Hugger Almanac

the Tree Hugger Almanac

Live a little...hug a tree without a face mask!
Live a little…hug a tree without a face mask!

October 25, 2014

Today, in our Nation’s capital a New Hampshire woman who prefers to remain nameless has contracted the disease Poison Oak while a hugging tree.  Several by-standers stated that whilst in route to the largest manmade dildo monument south of New Jersey; the unidentified woman was witnessed making nice, nice with a large, our tax dollars paid of it, Oak tree.

Security Guards from the Port O John Museum…’set to be unveiled next August’ were seen removing the old hippie with sanitary seat covers and old tree limbs.

the government is lost in it's own translation
the government is lost in it’s own translation

An unidentified Metro employee, who shall remain nameless, stated having heard the following statement:

The wacked out bitch was here for the National Nationalization of the Legalization of Marijuana March on the side steps of the stairs that lead up to the Museum of the Department of Agriculture building…She’d hit the pipe one too many times and now she’ll have to pay for it!

 

Also, in the not news today,

the Non Accredited Never Heard of ‘Em before, Institute of Mundane activities has suggested the following enterprises to reduce stress:

1. Participate in a weekend Scrapbook Convention

If the media were a circus...they'd be clowns by now!
If the media were a circus…they’d be clowns by now!

2. Attend an A.A. conference

3. Become a member of the local Stamp Collector’s Guild

 

Lastly, of note…some music!

The commission of Honorary Pedophiles (the ones that seem like they could be, act like they could be and stand on street corners like they could be) has wired a list of contenders for their groups anthem!

Neil Diamond and his rendition of ‘Girl You’ll Be a Woman Soon’

Gary Puckett and the Union Gap with their lovely tune ‘Young Girl’

and

Bruce Springsteen’s ‘I’m on Fire.’

 

 

###the Tree Hugger Almanac…when ya’ own the information…you can bend it all you want!

 

editor’s note:

Undisclosed and un-named and to remain nameless sources have just announced that the above mentioned Oak tree has been placed in quarantine…No family members have come forward to claim the tree.

 

 

Staying Politically Incorrect

Oh, to be an Obama Mama!
Oh, to be an Obama Mama!
Listen ... Rape is a polictically volatile top...
Listen … Rape is a polictically volatile topic (5:08 PM, Aug. 26, 2012) …item 2.. GAWKER — Unmasking Reddit’s Violentacrez, The Biggest Troll on the Web – Reddit had already exploded in outrage. (OCT 12, 2012 5:00 PM) … (Photo credit: marsmet451)

Dear Mr. Obama…
A resentment shared is a resentment cut in half. Or, so I am told. Therefore, I am going to shit in someone’s Cheerio’s and piss in someone’s Wheaties if this problems persist:
Name: Ruth Bowley
Supporter record: blanket blank blank blank
2013 Membership: Pending

If you want to help us respond quickly and forcefully to Republican attacks on President Obama’s agenda, it is CRITICAL that you renew your membership in the next 24 hours.

Here’s why: National Republicans just had their BEST April fundraising numbers in over a decade. If they top us this month, we are in real trouble. At last count, we need 17,000 more donations by tomorrow’s FEC deadline to keep pace. That means, we need you to step up:

Ruth, donate $3 or more and your gift will be matched!
Thank You for your support-
Democratic Headquarters.

My response is this:
I walked, and I kept track because I make Howie Mendel look normal when it comes to OCD, up and down the mean country back roads of Shot Gun Cities, New Hampshire: 475 miles
I called, approximately, 4,552 1/2 persons. The 1/2 accounts for the small child who would not put Mommy or Daddy on the phone.
I shook hands more often than my overly sanitized body would care to admit.
I kissed the asses of politically bothersome and overly upright Democrats and believe you me…there are snobs on both sides of the aisle.
I am sure that the late nights, the early mornings and the meetings with twenty-something go getters at the local Big Office in the Sky…Concord New Hampshire, doesn’t seem like much. However, if you are a tree hugging, anti social, belligerent liberal such as myself…making nice nice has never been a description passersby would label me with.
The skinny, long and short hair of the whole mess?
I’ve given enough. I realize I am just an email on a list. There is no shinning star next to my name but I will put it as nicely as a lovely centurion put it to me…after I called her in the campaign’s best interest last year for the tenth time.
“Hasn’t that bus left yet? When are those damn money hungry politicians going to be out of our fair state?”
Sincerely,
Ruth, you’ll forget my name come tomorrow, Bowley

...vote for Hillary she doesn't miss a thing!
…vote for Hillary she doesn’t miss a thing!

p.s.
In actuality I voted for Hillary and I still believe she got screwed but hey, who am I to hold a grudge?