Today, in our Nation’s capital a New Hampshire woman who prefers to remain nameless has contracted the disease Poison Oak while a hugging tree. Several by-standers stated that whilst in route to the largest manmade dildo monument south of New Jersey; the unidentified woman was witnessed making nice, nice with a large, our tax dollars paid of it, Oak tree.
Security Guards from the Port O John Museum…’set to be unveiled next August’ were seen removing the old hippie with sanitary seat covers and old tree limbs.
An unidentified Metro employee, who shall remain nameless, stated having heard the following statement:
The wacked out bitch was here for the National Nationalization of the Legalization of Marijuana March on the side steps of the stairs that lead up to the Museum of the Department of Agriculture building…She’d hit the pipe one too many times and now she’ll have to pay for it!
Also, in the not news today,
the Non Accredited Never Heard of ‘Em before, Institute of Mundane activities has suggested the following enterprises to reduce stress:
1. Participate in a weekend Scrapbook Convention
2. Attend an A.A. conference
3. Become a member of the local Stamp Collector’s Guild
Lastly, of note…some music!
The commission of Honorary Pedophiles (the ones that seem like they could be, act like they could be and stand on street corners like they could be) has wired a list of contenders for their groups anthem!
Neil Diamond and his rendition of ‘Girl You’ll Be a Woman Soon’
Gary Puckett and the Union Gap with their lovely tune ‘Young Girl’
Bruce Springsteen’s ‘I’m on Fire.’
###the Tree Hugger Almanac…when ya’ own the information…you can bend it all you want!
Undisclosed and un-named and to remain nameless sources have just announced that the above mentioned Oak tree has been placed in quarantine…No family members have come forward to claim the tree.
TheCertifiablyTRUERavingsOfASectionedPhilosopher: Don't be afraid to think you might be a little 'crazy'. Who isn't? Check out some of my visualized poems here: https://www.instagram.com/maxismaddened/