April 5th 2014
User’s information guide and/or tourists redneck bucket list currently is Franklin New Hampshire:
Along with this step by step instruction kit you will also receive a penicillin shot for any little virus you may have received while visiting. As well as, a year’s subscription to the community channel currently located at 10- WFSH-Where Franklin Shit Happens.
In this the biggest little Junkyard in the world: a tourist can find more than they purchased at the welfare office.
Down on Central and Main or somewhere close to there is the newly constructed and still under O.CE.A. lock down, M.M.M (Museum of Meth Mayhem).
This little sugar shack has been established in honor of our fallen antagonist the underwear dealer. This young man took procuring and producing Meth to new heights by constructing a mini lab in his underwear. Invention is the mother of necessity, as the Po’ folks say.
Another little known landmark? The Daniel Webster Birthplace! Who is Daniel Webster? Damn if anyone knows but his fuckin’ statue is everywhere.
Franklin motto: If you didn’t have any bad habits when you came into town you’ll get them while you’re here!
“I live in a sexy town. The uglier the better” one Mr. Dick Spay states with affection.
Dick goes on to give a little ‘behind’ the scenes look at the town for our viewers.
‘Lesbians, queers, drag queens, Baby Mommas and Bar Flies! All you can eat and see on a Tuesday afternoon at the Smokin’ Dragon. What other town can boost three head shops in a block radius, a pawn shop and a down and out tattoo parlor?Why it’s the small businessmen that keeps this little Tea Party going. Just ask the councilmen with his hand in your pocket. Heard once a description to beat all ’bout this hole…’
Driving into Franklin is like biting down on a long cut wad of wintergreen Skoal after brushing your teeth with dollar store brand cinnamon toothpaste.
Of course, Dick forgets to mention the ACME Staple company out by the Franklin Falls. Just ’bout every half-breed in this place has been hit by staple fever.
An aside commentary for a moment:
Shit this town is sexy. It is dirt on grunge on white boy gone gangsta’. I walk into the Good Gandhi Store…I’m famous. Everybody in a wife beater knows my name. And, for a worn out and hung up wet 47-year-old Lesbian to be a sex symbol?
That’s saying something.
Lesbians are loved in Franklin. The men? Well, better than porn two women together. The women? If she’s paying…she looks just as good as any man.
Definition of Franklin: the not neutered well hung male Pitbull in landform.
Most tourists traps offer this:
Four star hotels, four star restaurants and five hundred-dollar hookers. But what Most traps don’t get is this:
Franklin lays it’s self down like a woman who you’ve been trying to catch for years. Just out of reach. A hand’s off gesture given underhanded-ly with the wink of her eye.
The chase is on via hidden walkways covered over in moss. The road traveled is dark, dank and dusky. Kinda horrifying-ly turning the watcher on at every turn of the dial.
Franklin is what the Heartbreakers meant solemnly to all of America:
She was an American girl raised on promises….
God it’s so painful when something that’s so close
Is still so far out of reach
…after all she was an American Girl
Franklin New Hampshire a cut price town in a low budget land!