Slumming with Gump in Franklin

 

...let's use caution fighting monsters...we may elect a few in the process!
…let’s use caution fighting monsters…we may elect a few in the process!

 

I look at these slum down and dumb down places:

Detroit, Somwhere Else, Missouri!  Madison (You bet Your Fuckin’ Ass) County, North Caroline. Stephen Kingland, Maine…Etc., etc., etc.

I look at these nowhere to go but down towns and I think of my Slum City, Franklin, New Hampshire!

We are a milled out, meth totting and welfare slinging dot on  the map. If Franklin were a person…It would be that person who intentionally wore dirty underwear  to an accident.  It, She, We, would be the STD that there is no cure for!

It is elect or re-elect a city councilmen month. Yeh, fuckin’ ha!

I'm not aware of too many things...I know what I know...If you know what I mean!
I’m not aware of too many things…I know what I know…If you know what I mean!

I suppose it is elect a Prick for Hire in the above down and out, afore mentioned towns.  See  this is  the point where the lines on the mirror and the lines on the faces of those who vote get  blurry!

I don’t think these slum towns want to  get out of their own ugly cousin way.  I know Franklin doesn’t!

We elect the same wide collar, polyester plaid suit, drinking Diet Coke…year in and year out.  I’ve been to the budget meetings and they remind me of a New Year’s celebration I went to when my late grandmother, bless her soul, had been stuck in the local Better Off Dead, home.

Detroit, Upper Maine, the Appalacha’s, it doesn’t matter.  These are towns/states you’d be caught dead in.

Franklin?  Well, these council Men, talk a good game.  Increase police patrol with policemen we don’t have because we cut the budget.  Beautify Daniel Webster’s birthplace though we are dirt poor and no one has ever heard of the man.

Through all the hoop la…There is Charles, call me, Gump, Cournoyer!  When Charles is in charge animal control is best handled with a pistol and a shovel.  Drinking on the job is great and promotes good karma with the John Deere, topless hunter Men!

What I don’t like about Gump?  He is exactly what the higher taxes and fancy suits are trying to eliminate:

My good old boys, call me, BUBBA
My good old boys, call me, BUBBA

Local Politicians that need a place to stay ever third Tuesday of the month because the wife, the girlfriend and/or the boyfriend can’t stand ’em.

Honestly, Gump believes the following…And, I would go to his grave believing so:

If it ain’t white, harass it!  If it can’t be bribed or strong armed move it to the town-line.  And, it’s Adam and Eve…Not Adam and Steve.

Gump and his cronies need a flushing. A good double plunge into the commode.  No other way to get rid of that kind of ignorant shit!

 

Ugly’s taking Sexy Back!

April 5th 2014

the Good, the Bad and the VFW
the Good, the Bad and the VFW

User’s information guide and/or tourists redneck bucket list currently is Franklin New Hampshire:
Along with this step by step instruction kit you will also receive a penicillin shot for any little virus you may have received while visiting. As well as, a year’s subscription to the community channel currently located at 10- WFSH-Where Franklin Shit Happens.
In this the biggest little Junkyard in the world: a tourist can find more than they purchased at the welfare office.
Down on Central and Main or somewhere close to there is the newly constructed and still under O.CE.A. lock down, M.M.M (Museum of Meth Mayhem).

Lick it an Stick Inspections done here!
Lick it an Stick Inspections done here!

This  little sugar shack has been established in honor of our fallen antagonist the underwear dealer. This young man took procuring and producing Meth to new heights by constructing a mini lab in his underwear. Invention is the mother of necessity, as the Po’ folks say.
Another little known landmark? The Daniel Webster Birthplace! Who is Daniel Webster? Damn if anyone knows but his fuckin’ statue is everywhere.

Franklin motto: If you didn’t have any bad habits when you came into town you’ll get them while you’re here!

Northerner's take sides from the middle
Northerner’s take sides from the middle

“I live in a sexy town. The uglier the better” one Mr. Dick Spay states with affection.

Dick goes on to give a little ‘behind’ the scenes look at the town for our viewers.
‘Lesbians, queers, drag queens, Baby Mommas and Bar Flies! All you can eat and see on a Tuesday afternoon at the Smokin’ Dragon. What other town can boost three head shops in a block radius, a pawn shop and a down and out tattoo parlor?Why it’s the small businessmen that keeps this little Tea Party going. Just ask the councilmen with his hand in your pocket. Heard once a description to beat all ’bout this hole…’

Driving into Franklin is like biting down on a long cut wad of wintergreen Skoal after brushing your teeth with dollar store brand cinnamon toothpaste.

the best thing about coming is knowing you've got to go
the best thing about coming is knowing you’ve got to go

Of course, Dick forgets to mention the ACME Staple company out by the Franklin Falls. Just ’bout every half-breed in this place has been hit by staple fever.

An aside commentary for a moment:
Shit this town is sexy. It is dirt on grunge on white boy gone gangsta’. I walk into the Good Gandhi Store…I’m famous. Everybody in a wife beater knows my name. And, for a worn out and hung up wet 47-year-old Lesbian to be a sex symbol?
That’s saying something.
Lesbians are loved in Franklin. The men? Well, better than porn two women together. The women? If she’s paying…she looks just as good as any man.

Definition of Franklin: the not neutered well hung male Pitbull in landform.

Live free or just get by
Live free or just get by

Most tourists traps offer this:
Four star hotels, four star restaurants and five hundred-dollar hookers. But what Most traps don’t get is this:
Franklin lays it’s self down like a woman who you’ve been trying to catch for years. Just out of reach. A hand’s off gesture given underhanded-ly with the wink of her eye.
The chase is on via hidden walkways covered over in moss. The road traveled is dark, dank and dusky. Kinda horrifying-ly turning the watcher on at every turn of the dial.
Franklin is what the Heartbreakers meant solemnly to all of America:
She was an American girl raised on promises….

God it’s so painful when something that’s so close
Is still so far out of reach
…after all she was an American Girl

 

Franklin New Hampshire a cut price town in a low budget land!

...remember it ain't yours until you've pissed on it!
…remember it ain’t yours until you’ve pissed on it!

Daydreams in a Small Town

mother and her nature
mother and her nature

Franklin New Hampshire?!!!! Well, that is my small town! It is commonly referred to in my house of horror as, the ugly cousin no one dare talk about it. It is down trodden, back of the woods and displaced with disposable persons who can’t seem to catch a break.
That being said…Franklin is also amongst my top places to visit, lay my weary head to rest and make small but semi important talk with the locals.
Formally a factory town this central of the middle of Where the Fuck Are We New Hampshire, burg, comes complete with meth labs, hookers in flannel and an Elk’s club, a Moose Club and a VFW all within walking distance of each other and the local high school.
Strangers to this strange town often find themselves confused and no confusion isn’t implanted in our water supply, with the slight and mostly undetectable difference between night and day. In other words, if the High School is being let out…one might think that the bars were closing down…that is untrue. Those ‘ridden hard and hung up wet’ souls without soles on the bottom of their feet are in actuality our future generation.
I happen to be born in a small town…it is considered the elitist of the political wanna be cities…often referred to as, the capital of our fair and environmentally friendly state, Concord New Hampshire.
I no longer like Concord. I know longer like Portsmouth. I know longer like New London or Hanover, NH. They are off my Christmas list. That is if I believed in giving into a holiday that promotes the reckless use and abuse of spending money we don’t have.
My new favorite, Franklin, has all I could hope for. I have a mechanic that works out of his garage and offers free tows if I buy him a pack of cigarettes. I have another friend who has taken the time to show me how to load and shoot a rifle. And, for the most part, I am a complete minority amongst these disposable persons for I am gay. The most attractive facial feature to this sloppy seconds town? They could care less what I do, who I am and where I come from. We are all the same bozo’s riding the same bus. These is something to be said for a working class town…it works and it has class.

organically original
organically original

Well I was born in a small town
And I live in a small town
Prob’ly die in a small town
Oh, those small communities

All my friends are so small town
My parents live in the same small town
My job is so small town
Provides little opportunity

Educated in a small town
Taught the fear of Jesus in a small town
Used to daydream in that small town
Another boring romantic that’s me

But I’ve seen it all in a small town
Had myself a ball in a small town
Married an L.A. doll and brought her to this small town
Now she’s small town just like me

No I cannot forget where it is that I come from
I cannot forget the people who love me
Yeah, I can be myself here in this small town
And people let me be just what I want to be

Got nothing against a big town
Still hayseed enough to say
Look who’s in the big town
But my bed is in a small town
Oh, and that’s good enough for me

Well I was born in a small town
And I can breathe in a small town
Gonna die in this small town
And that’s prob’ly where they’ll bury me