Have a very lesbian, Christmas N a gay, New Year



Miss Dot Boil

13 Kissing Ball Lane

Beaver Bush, New York

December 14, 2015

Dearest Ruth:

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree.  What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised.

With deepest love and devotion,


On the second day of Christmas…


 Miss Dot Boil
13 Kissing Ball Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 15, 2015

Dearest Ruth:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift.
Just imagine two turtle doves.  I’m delighted
at your very thoughtful gift.  They are just

All my love,


On the third day of Christmas…

 Miss Dot Boil
very lesbian xmas 313 Kissing Ball Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 16, 2015

Dearest Ruth:

Oh!  Aren’t you the extravagant one.  Now I really
must protest.  I don’t deserve such generosity,
Three French hens. They are just darling but I must
insist, you’ve been too kind.



On the fourth day of Christmas…

Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (mu...
Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (musical) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Dear Ruth,

Today the postman delivered 4 Calling birds.  Now
really, they are beautiful but don’t you think
enough is enough. You’re being too romantic.



On the fifth day of Christmas…


 Miss Dot Boil
13 Kissing Ball Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 18, 2015

Dearest Ruth:

What a surprise.  Today the postman delivered 5
golden rings; one for every finger.  You’re just
impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds
squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love,


very lesbian xmas 1On the sixth day of Christmas…

Miss Dot Boil
13 Kissing Ball Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 19, 2015

Dear Ruth Wad:

When I opened the door there were actually 6 geese
a-laying on my front steps.  So, you’re back to
the birds again, huh?  Those geese are huge.  Where
will I ever keep them?  The neighbors are
complaining and I can’t sleep through the racket.

Please stop.



On the seventh day of Christmas…

Bad Santa


Miss Dot Boil

13 Kissing Ball Lane

Beaver Bush, New York

December 20, 2013


What’s with you and those crazy birds?  7 swans
a-swimming. What kind of terrible joke is this?
There’s bird shit all over the house, and they
never stop with the racket.  I can’t sleep at
night and I’m a nervous wreck.  It’s not friggin’ funny.
So stop sending me all these birds!



On the eighth day of Christmas…


Miss Dot Boil
13 Kissing Ball Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 21, 2015

Cum Stain:

I think I prefer the birds.  What am I going to do
with 8 maids a-milking?  It’s not enough with all
those birds and 8 maids a-milking, but they had to
bring their cows!  There is shit all over the lawn
and I can’t move in my own house.  Just lay off me,
smart ass.


On the ninth day of Christmas…


  Miss Dot Boil
13 Kissing Ball Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 22, 2015

Hey!  Shit 4 brains,

What are you?  Some kind of sadist?  Now there’s 9
pipers playing.  And boy, do they play.  They’ve
never stopped chasing those maids since they got
here yesterday morning. They cows are getting upset,
and they’re stepping all over those screeching
birds. What am I going to do?  The neighbors have
started a petition to evict me.

You’ll get yours in Hell,


On the tenth day of Christmas…


Miss Dot Boil
13 Kissing Ball Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 23, 2015

You Evil Bitch,

Now there’s 10 ladies dancing.  I don’t know why I
call those sluts ladies.  They’ve been messing with
those pipers all night long.  Now the cows can’t
sleep and they’ve got the diarrhea. My living
room is a river of shit.  The Commissioner of
Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why this
building shouldn’t be condemned.

I’m sicking the PoPo on you.

-From Your Sworn Worse Enemy-



On the eleventh day of Christmas…


Miss Dot Boil
13 Kissing Ball Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 24, 2015

Listen! Twat!,

What’s with the 11 lords a-leaping on those maids
and ladies. Some of those broads will never walk
again.  Those pipers ran through the maids and
have been committing sodomy with the cows.  All
23 of the birds are dead.  They’ve been trampled
to death in the orgy.  I hope you’re satisfied,
you rotten, vicious swine.

Suck my left tit,


On the twelfth day of Christmas…

 Law Offices
Boehner, Dick and Weiner
the Watergate Hotel, Room 666
Foggy Bottom, Washington D.C.

Merry Christmas graffiti

December 25, 2015
Dear Madam:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 12
fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to
inflict on our client, Miss Emma Boil.
The destruction, of course, was total.  All
correspondence should come to our attention.
If you should attempt to reach Miss Boil
at the Betty Ford Clinic, the attendants have
instructions to shoot you on sight.  With this
letter please find attached warrant for your


Boehner, Dick Weiner

NOT…Lesbian gifting!

This just in:
New lesbian repellents…great for a stocking stuffer and/or offered along side a slightly peeled banana!

the Kissing Balls...what an odd concept!
the Kissing Balls…what an odd concept!



‘A lesbian in the bush…is far better than two lesbians in the hand!’


This season...warm a nut or two!  It's as good as, a mouthful of joy!
This season…warm a nut or two! It’s as good as, a mouthful of joy!

Marriage: A four sentence minimum



A four sentence minimum?


Me: Hey, Sweetie, I’m home!


You: I don’t mean to rush you but we have to get the frig in an hour.  Oh, yeah, the toilet is dying, one of the dogs has bad bottom and the cats had a shit fest in the litter pan last night!


Me: …So, what’s for dinner?


…After all you’re the one who turns me off
You’re the only one who can turn me back on …

Norah Jones




Upper Middle Class? Fed, wed and Bred!

I hate the word homophobia –Morgan Freeman
I hate the word homophobia –Morgan Freeman (Photo credit: See-ming Lee 李思明 SML)

The causes that seem just to anyone my age are pretty simple: keep upper middle class America fed, wed and bred.  Give to any organization that has cute puppies.  I’m not sure about puppy mills; those websites sure have some real cute puppies, LOL!  Don’t see the harm in them; all the dogs are well taken care of in the pictures.  Oh, yeah and the other important thing we need to take care of, our mental health.

I suppose that would make a good start to my application for grad school.  Me thinks that those are all issues that Mr. Obama should address.

Originally, I had wanted to vote for Romeny.  Father Floyd told me once, ‘Ambien Grace, if you get someone in the White House who makes his own money…we’ll all make money!’

Course he has a job in math or economics or business.  And, usually, he spouts his words of wisdom from his overstuffed leather recliner while drinking an imported beer and grading papers.  Romney looked good on paper; well dressed, cute wife and he wanted to cut welfare.  The homosexuality, abortion and Mormon thing aren’t really big issues.

Homosexuals scare me, I had been raised a homophobic.  Abortions aren’t really a concern because I want to have lots and lots and lots of babies on a ranch while taking pictures and playing with butterflies.  Mormons?  I had to look that term up.  Turns out it’s not a term at all.  It is some form of religion.  I ask you, why would people be so concerned about a religion that takes place in Utah?

I voted for Obama in the end.  My girlfriend encouraged me to look at his stand on things.  I didn’t.  But I voted for him just to shut her up.

Wheeling around the mean streets of Concord, the upper end, near the fancy houses, by my parent’s abode, in my deceased grandfather’s car, talking to Beckett Couvillion the third, killing time until Mother Theresa gets home and cooks me dinner: I wonder about those poor souls who missed the boat in school.  The kids on grants, scholarships and whatnot, how are they surviving?

Shit, almost a year out and things look so bright for me I have to keep the shades drawn in my attic room.  No real job, no real future, no real connection…perhaps, the National Guard is looking for leaders.  I have never been real good at leading but I’m doing a great job at being a follower.