To digress;

RandomwordbyRuth...just another lesbian 4 Hillary!
RandomwordbyRuth…just another lesbian 4 Hillary!

“to stray off of something, to wander from a path, or to turn aside, etc.”.

As the smoke dissipated into the gray skies of New Hampshire, Thursday morn…I struggled with my steps.  The two dogs accompanying me?  Well, we all enjoy ‘quiet’ in different ways…

Recently, walking the old orphanage grounds…plots of land that have now become a new and improved shelter for those in hopes of finding recovery, my roots in sobriety have filled the earth.

Looking about, there is an ancient farm…still in running condition.  Buildings of brick and mortar that laid out the histories of forgotten children…circa, 1900 or so.  And, fresh faces of hope…Hope in kicking the horrible and nasty disease called addiction.

Even with the gods frowning down with rain and mist, I could not be persuaded from the mood I had found.

And, so…I digress…

Attempts at spirituality can be fleeting for anyone…if we were to be honest.  I remember thinking chastising my dogs for being…you guessed it, dogs…

“Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could bottle moments of clarity?”

As I turned the corner, towards a river, oh so cold, a Canadian Goose, took flight.  Really a sight to see.  Even the dogs took  in a moment of silence.

What have I been so frightened lately?

Had it been the powerful pain that continues to grow with every passing day.  Aches and ailments from playing too many sports.

I played semi pro softball in North Carolina, took one hit too many, defending a strange plate by my feet.

I guess, that is neither here nor there.  I wake in pain, I walk in pain, I live pain.

But this…I can walk through.  But this…I will take and make my own.

The true dilemma?digrese 1

Doubt!  Buddhist will tell you…there is no room for doubt.  So, okay, I will call it, I digress.

Of course, I need to digress.  Truth of the matter?  Recently, memories of past somewhat violent, homophobic events…have haunted me.  Urging me to question, who am I voting for?  Why is it so difficult for people to just love?

This really is not a political post.  Though it does tie into current day issues.

So many people have only just begun to accept my kind.  And, over the past week, I held them captive with the anger I had built over the past forty some odd years.

I texted a friend today, while watching the river flow, the birds scatter…

“Did you know lesbians of a certain age, do not always like gay men?”

When I had lived in North Carolina…I met a woman who told me she was a ‘separatist’!  Not being certain of what she had meant…and certainly intrigued by her ‘physique’…I played the follower.

…separatist feminists do not believe that men can make positive contributions…

Awful to admit!  But, indeed, for a very short period of time…I fell victim to conformity, prejudice and bias.

Today…the one political item?  Hillary Clinton…seemingly, hadn’t come out, in my opinion, soon enough, voicing her need for equality for all.

I sat in judgment.

How dare she?

Who else can I choose?


What was I thinking…supporting her?

Towards the end of my time out in the woods, today, I asked my Higher Power for assistance with my current situation.

Not for the shooting pain in the spine, not the stabs of knife like aches in my knees, not anything that would be obvious with a gait of discomfort.

I asked, simply, please help me to be less judgmental…more mindful!

We all adjust our beliefs, our soul’s purpose…from time to time.  It is called, doubt, it is called, self inventory, it is called whatever…I want it to be.

I didn’t dwell long in the ‘separatism’ crowd.  Didn’t feel right.  I had met so many gay men.  People dying from A.I.D.S.  And, those, helping to assist their friends to a dignified death.

It’s easy to fall victim to the ideas of others.  To not give much thought…until faced with important personal decisions.

Who am I to judge, HIllary, for taking time for perspective, and coming out of the closet…with the right decision?

The truth is sometimes what we want  it to be.  And, always, in the same place we last left it.
The truth is sometimes what we want it to be. And, always, in the same place we last left it.

Hey, Ricki

hey ricki 2

Hey, Ricki,

As I stood on the marble floors, staring up at the gothic figures of New Hampshire history, many repetitive thoughts filled my flawed mind.

Of course, as a writer, you cannot get rid of those thoughts.  Constant ideas, the beating of compulsive thinking, as though, it were a living being.

Funny, as I write this, I am close to tears.  Not close enough to be noticed.  But I know who they are…those wet droplets and I hide them close to my soul.

Glancing to and fro, waiting for HIllary Clinton, endorsing her with my presence, seemingly wanting her to come and sign that little document…filing for the New Hampshire primary.

hey ricki 4

Currently, the heart is beating beyond extension.  

I have always volunteered.  Attempted to help those around me.  In some way, in some form, with some respect.  

By chance, during the A.I.D.S., epidemic, the 80’ and the 90’s, I assisted many brave souls to find dignity…Pride in a world that had discarded them.  

Odd, as I searched the crowds yesterday, I noticed, young, young and even younger, L.G.B.T., people.

Back in real time, I know one thing to be true, in regards to homosexuality…As an addict, in recovery, over the past 20 years…I have lost so many friends to addiction, a deadly disease, cunning, baffling and powerful.

Not so odd, Ruth, you may be thinking to yourself.  

Well, strangely enough, at the age of 48.  With all those years of sobriety coming and going.  The ten years I spent with society’s disposable group, the A.I.D.S., victim, still trumps all.  More souls went to rest in that decade than my lifetime of going to funerals.

Ricki, a beautiful man, talented musician, lover of the arts, an advocate to the death…of equal rights for all.

Upon Ricki’s death bed, he one single request,

‘Please have my family scatter my ashes over Mount MItchell.  I want to fly…’

For a man of 89 pounds, skin and bone and heart, his words rang out to all…who knew the ‘reality of the situation’.

What I knew?  As a handful of Ricki’s friends knew…but didn’t have the heart to say…

‘Ricki, we tried contacting your family…they don’t want anything to do with you and your dirty little disease!’

Not an uncommon response.  We heard it daily.  As those around us died.

Ricki died not two days later.  Many gathered at Mount Mitchell.  None of which were his family members.

2015-11-09 12.42.56

I came home last night, asked my best friend, my lover, my wife,

‘Of the three choices, mental health reform, women’s rights or equality?  Which would be the very first reason for voting a particular candidate into office?’

She said, as I knew she would,

‘Mental health…why, what would be first for you?’

I told her my dilema…

As of late, with homophobia still rampant, but certainly not akin to what I and others like me, endured 30 plus years ago.  With equality for individuals still somehow debatable.  I think of Stonewall, Harvey Milk, and yes, Ricki.  Certainly centuries have past, decades before my generation, where gay people and transgenders, have endured more than what I’ve seen.  And, so on and so on, I guess that’s how it goes when you are thought of as different or in the minority.

My answer to my spouse,

‘I don’t know.  I want a woman in the White House…I want you to get the help you need.  But honestly, I have to stand strong to the original fight…’

There had been more conversation…

But I won’t bore, you the reader, with that.

It has come to light…As with Obama, and others, Hillary Clinton, only relatively…recently, came out in support of my kind of people.

I do not take voting lightly.  I haven’t since my partner had her disability payments cut…several years ago.  And, I don’t have to tell you who was in office than.

I guess, it concerns me, as it should…

Am I voting for someone, knocking on doors, badgering people on the phone…for a cause because ‘it goes against the grain of the good ole boys?’ or ‘am I just doing what I always do…bucking the establishment?’

I left Hillary…half way through her speech.  I had to.  I needed sometime to think.  Think of Ricki, wonder if he was watching, pondering,

‘Hey, Ricki, what would you do?

As a small child, I don’t know, 7 or 8, I watch, ‘Hello Dolly’, 38 times!  And, that was back in the day, when there had been no recording device.  Just 3 channels and a constant search for Barbara Streisand.

Was I secretly thinking, I am truly a gay man in love with show tunes?


Do not ask me why, I had an enormous crush on the Jewish Diva with a killer voice.  Honestly, I still do.  Let us not forget, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

However, my mother never asked,

‘Do you have a crush on her?  What gives?’

There had, I am certain of it, never been a thought in my mother’s mind,

‘Is my daughter gay…I should offer her support.  Let her know…she is not alone.’

Today, in this age of openness, I believe the conversation, would have gone differently.

So many have lost their lives, for me to have what I have, as a strong gay woman.  I would be doing all them…particularly Ricki…a disservice, if I did not give my decision deep thought.

Hey, Ricki

Where have you gone

Are we no different

What could have been wrong

Crooked frames upon the wall

MIrror images of a world made small

What will happen of this lot

The Milks, the dreamers…

those everyday beauty seekers

Help us all

Help us all take the pain from the wall

Help to all who refuse to fall

walked a thousand miles  Just to slip this skin.
walked a thousand miles
Just to slip this skin.

RandomwordbyRuth Spam n Ham

Hey, Have A Rainbow Day: pink for sex, red for life, orange for healing, yellow for sunlight, green for nature, blue for art, indigo for harmony, and violet for the human spirit.
Hey, Have A Rainbow Day: pink for sex, red for life, orange for healing, yellow for sunlight, green for nature, blue for art, indigo for harmony, and violet for the human spirit.

To write…one must be able to read!

Back from the abyss, RandomwordbyRuth Spam n Ham…Holiday edition:

Dear RandomwordbyRuth,

Hi, it’s Viviana! Do you remember me?

We were friends in childhood, I lived not far from your house!  I remember when you used to write those

crazy love letters!  It’s great that I’ve finally found you!

You can reach out to me on my homepage: virus4thecomputernyou.org

P.S. I know I’ve changed a little, but I still love you! 😉

Viviana and/or ReGINA-

Most certainly…we did not grow up in or near the same town.  Most certainly…we did not attend the same Mass at St. John the Purist Roman Catholic Church.

And, with a 90 percent assurance…You were not standing next to me singing John Denver songs during folk group rehearsal.

I may have met you later in life…when I did a stint at rehab.  Course, I had been detoxing and don’t remember much of anything!


Act now…and we will throw in a Monica Lewinsky collectible…Made in America toothpicks!  Stamped with an image of Old Glory…Perfect for getting those nasty unmentionables…out of your mouth!


Thank you…Democratic Party and it’s new Hillary Web store!

Currently I have given my time, money and pride to let your kind throw this party!  Well, folks, as far as, I’m concerned the party is over!  Honestly, the last item you liberals should be totting is…something to wipe your face with once you’ve had too much to drink!  You really might want to consider the toilet paper industry…it seems that most politicians have been talking out their asses…far too long.


Dear Random

Nice day.
We are a supplier for stone products in China, including granite, marble and natural stone etc. We have our own quarry, factory and shipping agency. Besides, we have quarry for G603, and in November, our company decide to have the last promotion for G603 products, the details are as below.
a) This will be the last promotion in 2014, so please try to take this valuable chance.
b) The delivery time will be 0 days, as long as you place the order, we will arrange the shipping for you at once.
c) The more you buy, the more money you will save for yourself. ( the discount for each one container is as following)
I will look forward for your inquiry
Best Regards
Dick Chissel
I do not need rock!  I don’t know anyone in the market for rock.  For the longest time…I thought rock had been free.  Just like the sun, the snow and the rest of the environment!
Perhaps, your company should get together with the Hillary store and put together a set of Pet Rocks!  One of Hillary, one with Monica with a cigar in her mouth and one of the Bush family sitting ’round an oil drum!

What’s your Member Status?

Ruth Bowley

This is the FINAL NOTICE of your member status before tonight’s fundraising deadline.

Answered President Obama’s call-to-action?

Suggested Support: $5.00

Since Boehner’s Republicans voted to sue President Obama, we’ve been working non-stop to back up the President with an UNPRECEDENTED level of support on the biggest fundraising deadline of the year.

That means we need to hit 5OO,OOO grassroots donations backing up President Obama since Boehner’s lawsuit. And we need to do it by midnight.

We’re almost there — but right now we’re coming up 17,947 short. And since we can only count donations that come in before midnight towards the goal, now is the time to act. Listen, this could make or break us right here.

Ruth — Can you step now to put us over the top?


Chip in $5 immediately >>

Chip in $35 immediately >>

Chip in $50 immediately >>

Chip in $100 immediately >>

Chip in $250 immediately >>

Or click here to donate another amount.


DCCC Membership

Dear Mr. Obama and/or Poor Slob in Need of Money-

I want to thank you for the constant, insistent and ham fisted emails that have clogged my inbox and slowed my browsing speed to a stand still.  First your wife asked me for money.  Then you had Paul Rudd pestered me…’Hey, Ruth can you spare a c-note?’

After that the big guns came…Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and your dog, Bo, joined in:

President Obama needs you!

Obama is getting sued and we need you!

I’m pleading with you…donate and help Obama today!

Apparently the lack of response on my part, which was my way of being polite, has not sunk into your first African American President head.

Bogie 4 President
Vote 4 Bogie…Sink or Dog Paddle!

My dog, Bogie, has two floors to manage and himself.  We have seven cats that on occasion…act like the Middle East, Russia, Ukraine and/or the Texas border towns nearest those pesky aliens!  For example, one cat avoids the truth…none of the other cats like her.  She is an ass and knows it.  Another cat, Towanda, believes the sun sets when she tells it to.  She pays homage to no one. Her tyrant behavior causes others in the house to believe she is in need of medication and some sort of behavioral therapy…As well as, confession twice a day for the rest of her life.

Bogie, is not a smart dog.  He tries but to be honest…We think of him as our little disabled child.

But when a cat fight breaks out in our land of misfit girls and boys, Bogie will Forrest Gump his way into unchartered cat territory and attempt to keep the peace.  Sometimes this is with force…bad breath and barks that sound like a turkey being run over by an eighteen wheeler.  Sometimes he will use decorum, offering a kiss to the women and a slap of the paw on the back to the boys.

Sir, I am sorry you are broke.  I really am.  But Bogie has more presence and back bone than the oval office janitorial chief’s of staff.

The entertainment portion of your tenure in office has been quite stunning…And, boy, don’t we all wish we could be Katy Perry’s number one fan.

The obesity problem that you and the Missus seem to obsessive over.  You know…America is fat.  Let’s feed our kids nothing but carrot sticks and tap water…Seems trite in comparison to the fact that those fats kids are eating up the publicity America’s poor should be getting.

Tea Party?  We beat them!  I thought we got rid of those bags in the harbor years ago.  Need I remind you…The beverage of choice in the United States is coffee!  Even Bogie knows that!

In ending, and in around about way, just stop writing.  I’ve printing off all your emails and handed them to Bogie to shred.  Yet, another job he is qualified for!

What I would like to ask is that you not want for money from others…But donate to your local Humane Society…It appears to me those ‘cats and dawgs’ would do a much better job of running the show.

Thank You-

Ruth, don’t write me anymore, Bowley

What to wear if your government shuts down

Governing Personal Emergency Management


To Whom it may concern:

I am a true believer of the ‘randomwordbyruth’.  I know this is off topic but what would you wear to a dinner at the Arm A Getting club ?  I have a short black leather mini skirt and a tidy white blouse.  Would that be too hopeful?

Thanks B 4 Hand-

Ophelia Fanny


Dear Randomwordbyruth

Before you set out to purchase a coat it is always important to consider the purpose of that coat and most importantly acknowledging the fact that when someone looks at you the first thing to get their attention is your coat.


Thank You for your time-

Follower of the Word


Dear F-ing Stupid

Next time I read a post I hope it doesn’t disappointment me as much as yours did.  I know it was my choice but honestly ‘who cares about the rights of those freaks…the drag queens, the cross dressers and the ‘should be put on an island and left to play with themselves’ homos!


God Bless You and Yours

Angry Asshole


Governing Personal Emergency Management

Dear Randomwordbyruth or White Whoppie or rbowl….

How long does it take latch hook the fifty states?  What if I leave Puerto Rico out?  And, possibly,Alaska?  My cousin who recently fell into a sinkhole had been ready to tell me…however, the authorities say we may never see him again.

Piss Off-

Sassy Pants




Dear Fans-

It is so hard to find good help these days.  But research shows that in the year 2020  we should find ourselves afflicted with Political Autism.

Therefore, latch hooking, yellow journalism and/or being angry assholes will serve to have proven what many of us have known all along:


In the year 2525

If man is still alive
If woman can survive
They may find

In the year 3535
Ain’t gonna need to tell the truth, tell no lies
Everything you think, do, and say
Is in the pill you took today

In the year 4545
Ain’t gonna need your teeth, won’t need your eyes
You won’t find a thing chew
Nobody’s gonna look at you

In the year 5555
Your arms are hanging limp at your sides
Your legs got not nothing to do
Some machine is doing that for you

In the year 6565
Ain’t gonna need no husband, won’t need no wife
You’ll pick your son, pick your daughter too
From the bottom of a long glass tube

In the year 7510
If God’s a-comin’ he ought to make it by then
Maybe he’ll look around himself and say
Guess it’s time for the Judgment day

In the year 8510
God is gonna shake his mighty head
He’ll either say I’m pleased where man has been
Or tear it down and start again

[youtube_sc url=”http://youtu.be/yesyhQkYrQM”%5D

In the year 9595
I’m kinda wondering if man is gonna be alive
He’s taken everything this old earth can give
And he ain’t put back nothing

Now it’s been 10,000 years
Man has cried a billion tears
For what he never knew
Now man’s reign is through
But through the eternal night
The twinkling of starlight
So very far away
Maybe it’s only yesterday

In the year 2525
If man is still alive
If woman can survive
They may find

In the year 3535
Ain’t gonna need to tell the truth, tell no lies
Everything you think, do or say
Is in the pill you took today …


Addendum number 23 set forth this day, the last day of the rest of politcal life October something and something.:

The government has decided to take it’s balls and go home.  Recess is over and there will be a short break after a quick message from our sponsor-

[youtube_sc url=”http://youtu.be/N_1jkLxhh20″%5D

It is obvious that when the United States and her elected officials tell us what to do…we should jump.  Therefore the following list has been issued by the current ‘men and women’ of the Outhouse on Pennsylvania Ave.:

1. If a disaster were to strike.  Please call 1-800-good-bye!  Leave your name, phone number and a brief message.  Someone will get back to you within five to seven business days.

2. Plan ahead death is inevitable.  A good sturdy off shore bank account is suggested.  As well as, a South American prostitute and a can of baked beans along with a Swiss Army knife.

3.Please, please, please, do not panic.  Plan to carry at least one prescription drug and two or three disposable cell phones.  Big Brother will still be able to track you and the Big Pill manufacturers keep America running.

4. This is the end or at least until tomorrow.  When 9 out of 10 U.S. citizen’s will wonder what happened the last time the government shut down.  Wasn’t there a Clinton around then?

* Most importantly, during these, the dark days of too much ‘Mom, Joe the republican didn’t like my idea in school and now he won’t give me my Obama button back’ remember to ‘put your head between your legs and kiss your Assets good-bye!’