Say, What

Things I know I could have said…when high:

You Can’t Let Dick Control Your Life

Thank you for evoking memories, particularly of days gone by. *BBC

You can’t just let nature run wild. *Walter Hickel, former governor of Alaska

I have opinions of my own-strong opinions-but I don’t always agree with them. *President George Bush

Even though there may be some misguided critics of what we’re trying to do, I think we’re on the wrong path. *Ronald Reagan

We don’t have to worry about endangered species-why, we can’t even get rid of the cockroach. *James Watt, former secretary of the interior

I didn’t intend for this to take on a political tone. I’m just here for the drugs. *Nancy Reagan on Just Say No!

Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours. *Yogi Berra

If gays are granted rights, next we’ll have to give rights to prostitutes and to people who sleep with St. Bernard’s and to nail-biters. *Anita Bryant

I was under medication when I made the decision not to burn the tapes. *Richard Nixon

I feel my best when I’m happy! *Winona Ryder

Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked Cat

I was walking down the street when out of the corner of my eye…I saw a pretty little Calico cat approaching me.

She said, ” I never seen a Crazy Cat Lady, who looks so all alone. Could you use a little Bitchy company?

If you can pay with the right Seafood Sensation(dry mix)your evening will be nice. But if you can’t stick ‘meow’ up your ass and send me on my way!”

As the Lesbian Crazy Cat Lady, I said, “You’re such a sweet young kitten. Why do you become so unpleasant in your vainglory?”

She looked at me and this is what she said,

“Oh, there ain’t no rest for the wicked! Frisky’s Delight doesn’t grow on trees. I got my groomer to pay for. I got several litters to feed. There ain’t no Calico love in this world for free!”
Not even fifteen minutes later after walking down, Abandoned Alley: I saw the shadow of Tom Cat, creep out of sight. And, then he swept up from behind. He put a mark(a lifting of the leg and a strange smell) on me.

He made it clear he wasn’t looking for a ‘cat fight.’

Tom said, “Give me all your female felines. I want their love not your life. But if you try to make a move…I spray again, twice.”
I told him, “You can have my spayed female, she’s had a hysterectomy. And, she is a well known bitch.”

I gotta ask, “What made you want to live this kind of life?”
Tom said, “Oh, there ain’t no rest for the wicked. Getting laid is money that doesn’t grow on trees. I got birds to haunt. I got several Baby Momma’s with mouths to feed.”
Well now a couple hours past and I was sitting on my couch. The day was winding down and coming to an end. And so, I turned on the TV. And, I flipped it over to the news… what I saw I almost couldn’t comprehend.

I saw a pedigree’d Maine Coon, in cuffs, she’d taken too much of the nip. She’d staggered over her rhinestone collar and had just one quote to the cops:

“I got the Cougar down the street. I got Big Bill to pay. We are all the same…there ain’t nothing in this world for free!”

Nothing More…Nothing Less

Nothing more whimsical than wild turkey’s in the evergreens

A dog’s stubby knees

Frisky felines pretending to be sweet

Heifer’s that refuse to take a seat

Laugh Over Tears

Valerie Harper passed the other day. Yup! Two bouts with cancer. Ten years later…she was with us. Until a few days ago.

Cancer kills! I get that but…comedy, laughter and giggles…heal.

I had a ‘friend’ ask,

‘Why so upset over Valerie Harper? She was 80 after all!’

Why so upset?

I grew up in a home filled with hate, bigotry, judgment and punishment. That is just what it is! However, out of one of the two television stations worth damn; on Saturday afternoons, I watched comedy.

This world we live in, particularly in these horrible times, I would rather laugh then cry. Valerie Harper’s death was not unexpected…the depth and death of her comedy? Missed by those of us that needed a little more…funny in our lives.

Masking the Beast!

Inside a serene natural grocery store in Mill Valley, California, Dr. Jen Gunter is scowling at the women’s health aisle. “What’s wrong with the way the vagina smells?” she scoffs, looking over the topical wipes, creams, and washes promising to resolve undesired aromas. “There are no products here to make balls smell better.” Gunter whips […]https://www.motherjones.com/media/2019/08/wellness-goop-jen-gunter

Dr. Jen Gunter Wants to Protect Your Vagina From Gwyneth Paltrow

Someone needs to come up with a Patchouli/THC spray…and then, I’ll be interested!