Dykes to Watch Out For

I saw the Sign! And, oddly enough, it has bitten me in the ass many a time.

What sign am I talking about?

How a stereotypical middle aged lesbian steps out onto the earthy carpet…

What is the latest addition of androgonist wardrobe come from?

A slight blend of the fanny pack paired with the typically atrocious colors of…Croc!

I am not certain how I feel about this new way to carry dog poop bags in my shoes. That being said, Croc-beams and its introduction, led me to assess my ‘closet.’

How to Spot a Lesbian?

  • The obvious…Vagatarian t-shirt! Typical with sleeves cut off and stained with Mother Nature’s girth
  • Rainbow Converse and/or rainbow shoelaces **this is an obvious giveaway
  • Pantsuits! Sorry Hillary! That is just the way it goes.
  • Sporty bras under blazers! Sorry Elizabeth Warren!
  • Wallets with chains
  • Comfortable shoes! For example, work boots, sandals with dull colors, bare and dirty feet.
  • Flannel shirts with a hole where the nail gun shot through
  • Tattoo! Tattoo! Where is the Lesbian!
  • A pair of linen pants for summer weddings
  • A pair of dress shoes (as unassuming as a sedan) for fall funerals
  • Lots O Jewelry or none at all
  • A Wife-beater dyed pink because your wife washed it with her rainbow knit hat

This list is a small example of a small subject group! Myself and my wife’s closet. We are both well into adulthood so adjustments can and should be made!

Such as…

  • A pair of shoes that either latch or have Velcro. Easy enough to slip on and off
  • Karma bead bracelet. A sign to other lesbians, baby dykes, letting them know your vagina has been there done that. And, you are old and proud enough to wave it around
  • Cargo shorts with a shitload of pockets. Goddess knows…lesbians have a bad habit of picking things up off the road

Finally, and this is vastly important, the ‘wedding ring.’ A true sign of how far we have come. A reminder of how far we have yet to go!