Never Straight

I understand my darkness may never go away.

I carry it as a shadow…everyday.

Little is the fluctuation between the fair hair and the red skin.

Yet, there is no difference between the thin.

The thin line between love and hate.

My road is forever rocky…never straight.

Sista from Another Mother

What is going on in our world?  If I were traveling abroad…I would be ashamed and embarrassed to call myself, American.  Throughout history, it is apparent that diversity has had it’s adversity.  Yet, the year is 2018!  And, though we are a nation that has been built on assorted characters from a crayon box…Here we sit.  Pondering how adults can bully other adults.  How we can elect officials into office that have obvious trails of hatred…leading to their government paid position.

It is time to take a stance beyond refusing friend requests on facebook!

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Kansas Republican vows to send ‘lesbian Indian’ Democrat back ‘to the reservation’

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 Kansas Republican official is under fire for a social media post in which he called a Democratic congressional candidate a “radical socialist kick boxing lesbian Indian” and predicted she would “be sent back packing to the reservation,” The Kansas City Star reported.

Michael Kalny, a Republican who holds the elected position of precinct committeeman in Kansas, was referring to Sharice Davids, an openly gay Native American lawyer running to unseat Republican Rep. Kevin Yoder. Davids is an amateur mixed martial arts fighter.

Kalny sent the language in a direct Facebook message to Anne Pritchett, president of the Johnson County Democratic Women’s north chapter.

“Little Ms. Pritchett – you and your comrades stealth attack on Yoder is going to blow up in your leftist face,” Kalny wrote in the Facebook message, according to a screenshot shared by Pritchett. “The REAL REPUBLICANS will remember what the scum DEMONRATS tried to do to Kavanaugh in November. Your radical socialist kick boxing lesbian Indian will be sent back packing to the reservation.”

Pritchett told the Star she was “stunned” by the message. She said she thought Kalny sent it in response to comments she left on Yoder’s Facebook page, which she characterized as “hostile.” But the Star was unable to find any comments from Pritchett on Yoder’s page from the last two weeks.

“What is this lady trying to accomplish?” Kalny asked when contacted about the message by the Star in a phone call. He then told the paper that he had to speak to an attorney and hung up.

Davids’ office confirmed that the candidate had seen Kalny’s Facebook message.

“This message doesn’t represent Kansas values, and it doesn’t represent the values of the Republicans we know, many who support this campaign,” Davids said in a statement.

Kalny and Pritchett did not immediately respond to USA TODAY’s request for comment.

C.J. Grover, a spokesman for Yoder said, “Kevin doesn’t believe this type of rhetoric is appropriate at all. It’s unacceptable.”

“These kind of nasty personal attacks are all too prevalent in politics these days, and it needs to stop,” Grover told the Star.

The Cook Political Report currently lists the race between Davids as Yoder as “lean Democrat.” A Davids victory would make her the first openly gay representative out of Kansas and the first female Native American member of Congress, the Star reported.

sharice davids
Charlie Riedl/AP

4 Lesbian Eyes Only

I do not know how to; grow old, grow tired, walk with a limp, acquire a handicap plate, give in, give up, etc.  The tools given…unto me were…

Sarcasm

Judgement

the Good Bible…and the Bad Bible

Heterosexuality…Did not do me any good other than…Realize, blow jobs were gross.

Birth Control pamphlets under my teen-aged door.

Athleticism.

Native American blood mixed with Irish cynicism.

Blonde hair…Which I use as a crutch, when in error of;  Wondering which side the gas tank is on…On my moped.

 

I am sure there is more.  But as my mother has always told me…during several stages of verbal abuse from my father…

‘You have always had a flair for the dramatic…Oh, by the way, did you know you had a cold-sore.’

Fortunately, I follow, blogs, authors, both here and there.  Who can guide me to a better understanding of self!  If there is such a thing!

As for loving woman, I have never understood why some people had a fit. I still don’t. It seems fine to me. If an individual is productive responsible, and energetic, why should her choice in a partner make such a fuss? The government is only too happy to take my tax money and yet they uphold legislation that keeps me a second class citizen. Surely, there should be a tax break for those of us who are robbed of full and equal participation and protection in the life of our nation!

Rita Mae Brown

 

 

Beat Up Escorts and the Blue Ridge Parkway

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We were heading to the Blue Ridge Parkway.  Just outside of Asheville.  I had grown to love the transient south.  I had grown to despise the denizens of Madison County.  Perhaps, on a more global scale, I had began to dislike all things not so well hidden.

Having been bred white to a catholic mother and pretend catholic father; we, as a family, never acknowledged those of different backgrounds for being…not quite like  us.

That confirmation, verbally, would not be deemed ‘appropriate’ and certainly, not how polite persons conducted themselves.

The misnomer in the south, as far as, this lesbian had been concerned?

Blacks were free!

For that matter,

Not only were African-Americans able to do whatever they pleased, or so I had been taught; Gays, minorities, immigrants, persons living at the poverty level and, Mexicans, were all given the same rights as every other American.

This sort of ‘fake’ news…had been all I knew of the ‘real’ south!

I lived in tobacco country.  And, it was not unusual to see, hear and/or sense, that this equality for all, was just another line of bullshit fed to a public that loved to eat someone else’s fecal filled donuts.

While attempting to navigate the Blue Ridge Parkway, just outside of Black Mountain, North Carolina; myself, my love interest, a gay man named, Tye and his friend, Diego…found ourselves to be ‘lost potheads’ without a cause.

Kim, my friend for the night, had recommended we take a ‘quick’ drive thru a ‘bit’ of the parkway…to clear our heads.

Indeed, that is, Hippie speak for,indigo-3

“I want to get high and commune with nature!”

Up around the visitor’s center, at approximately, two in the morning, our little caravan found itself the subject of Parkway Police…interest.

Certainly, the well navigated thoroughfare was not shut down for banker’s hours.  The Blue Ridge was a major route for many going to work, play, the movies, etc.

Our brand of ‘chaos’ did not break the law in respect to traveling the barren road…whilst it was closed.

But my group of misfits made the, not mistake, of traveling with a person who did not look ‘American’…and, with a car window that had been broken out!

The broken out car window to the ‘witnessed to much bad driving’ elderly Escort…is a story for another time.

Needless to say, and to stay on point, the Escort and the better tan than myself, Diego, had been all the cops needed.

I had once read or been told about this senator from North Carolina, Jesse Helms.  Aghast, I could not believe that such a man still existed.  And, to say the least, others of deep bigotry, must still exist…for Helms had many supporters.

I offer a quote from Jesse, as evidence exhibit A:

“The government should spend less money on people with AIDS because they got sick as a result of deliberate, disgusting, revolting conduct.”

Either way, twenty-five years ago, Jesse had been all the rage.  More importantly, many were elected to smaller official positions to carry on his work.

In offering the above description, it should be noted that two of the ‘Parkway’ police seemed to be big supporters of Helms.

It takes quite a bit to scare me.  I grew up in an abused home.  I had been gay in a very catholic family.  I went to Narcotic’s Anonymous meetings during Bike Week.

That being said,

I have only been in fear for my life, on a few occasions.  One of them being…that early morning on the Blue Ridge.  With little time spent, two other squad cars arrived.  My posse and I were told to remain in the vehicle.  When the police deemed the situation…safe enough to venture in; a loud-speaker came on.

‘Come out of the car with your hands up!  Place yourselves in the kneeling position behind the car.  Do not move.  Any move will be considered a threat.  And, taken care of…according!’

Two items of note, if you ever find your, peace-loving, tree hugging, self, in the kneeling position with guns pointed at you…

Flinching becomes a huge obstacle.

Stifling a nervous cough?  Insurmountable!

I could go into detail.  But this will be brief.

The COPS came, they saw, they conquered.indigo-4

Diego had been issued a ticket to appear in court for not having his ‘green’ card on him.  Tye had been issued a citation for the broken window.

Kim and myself?  Well, it took weeks to wash away the ogling and dyke statements!

 

I avoid watching the News, currently.  I know what is going on!  I am not uneducated.  Bigotry is back.  For that matter, it never went away.  Banning persons for their religion, color, tastes, nationality; is now fashionable…again.

What frightens me?  As it had, not too long ago…

The supporters.  The, ignorance is bliss, mentality.  The Americans, most of which were immigrants, at some point or another:

Friends, associates, Trump supporters, in a loosely associated way,

Are themselves, pulling people over with no real reason for detainment.  Other than a need for superiority!

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 Shame on You

My friends they wash the windows and they shine in the sun
They tell me wake up early in the morning sometime
See what a beautiful job we done
I say let’s put on some tunes sing along do little all day
Go sown to the riverside take off our shoes wash these sins away

The river said la la la
Shame on you

I go down to Chicano city park because it makes me feel so fine
When the weeds go down you can see up close in the dead of the winter time
But when the summer comes everything’s in bloom and you wouldn’t know it’s there
The white folks like to pretend it’s not but their music’s in the air

You can hear them singing la la la
Shame on you

You can feel them dancing la la la
Shame on you

My friend Tanner she says you know me and Jesus we’re of the same heart
The only thing that keeps us distant is that I keep fuckin’ up
I said come on down to Chicano city park wash your blues away
The beautiful ladies walk on by
You know I never know what to say

They’ll be singing ooh la la
Shame on you

Let’s go road block trippin’ in the
Middle of the night up in Gainesville town
There’ll be blue lights flashing down the long dirt road
When they ask me to step out
They say we be looking for illegal immigrants can we check your car
I say you know it’s funny I think we were on the same boat back in 1694

I said…
Shame on you

 

#Indigo Girls – Shame On You

 

 

 

 

 

Different Like Me?

When young, my house burned down.  It burned itself right to the ground.  No photographs.  No trophies.  Not fish names, Zeak and Zach.  No clothing.  No piece or scrap of a life…that I had come to know.

Being 15 years old.  Much of the usual had been going on, before the loss.  Puberty, confusion, work, confusion, education, confusion, church…and, much more confusion.

To top trauma off?  I began to believe that being gay…was a sin, pitiful and certainly, not something you brag about.  To voice my concern to an abusive father an emotional absent mother…would have been like calling an angry lion out of its den.

Though I do not remember much of that period of time.   I found comfort living at the home of my best friend, Red.  With an agreement between Red’s mother and my parents, the ‘stay’ would not be forever…And, so, a new and hippie improved home, was found on Maple Street.

Launched between Red and I?  The secret life of gay’s in the 80’s, in a semi rural New Hampshire city.  Without words, Red and I, knew we were different.

How fun was that time?  Piper, Red’s mother, was from New York city.  She was divorced with 5 children to raise.  She introduced me to True cigarettes, Amaretto, Joan Baez and watching television from the bed.

So different were those 6 or so months.  I hated to leave and head home to anger and violence that appeared  from nowhere.

What astounds me now?

Leaving New Hampshire, as a young adult, I encountered a vast array of people, places and things.  Most of which, I would never have had the courage to gather in my memories…had it not been for Maple street.

91 percent of New Hampshire is white.  Living in Madison County, North Carolina, at the ripe age of 23 and rainbow proud…there had been only one group akin to the suffering gays were encountering, with Jesse Helms and his prejudice cohorts!  With every pride march and every volunteer group I joined; African-American Pride had been right there to offer a hand in guidance.  After all, they had decades, centuries of experience.

Full circle, I have forged my way back home to the same abusive father and the same, emotionally distant mother.  I have also been able to re-acquaint myself with those I went to school with.

I am furnishing a post from my Facebook page.  It’s topic surrounds the handing of the torch from Obama to Trump.  I am liberal.  What else would I be?

I have few friends.  It is best that way.  I keep my circle close, and offer what love I can.  Those I went to school with, those I wandered the streets of Concord, New Hampshire…with, have not changed.

They long for football days.  They post recipes and abhor politics or…upsetting the apple cart.

I will say first off:

Shame on me.  When the heat turned up over Obama and Trump…abortion, racism and gay rights came into play?  I will say, my first assumption had been, here we go, another cracker carrying a gun talking about my uterus and sexuality.  First and foremost,  I apologize for that generalization.  It is my perception of a group of persons who have aged…yet, live for the next party and next playoff game.

If I were honest, there had never been any comfort in my teens, unless I had been on Maple street with a select few others who were…different like me.

I have posted the conversation with persons I have known for about forty years.

I will say, when the statement,

…babykiller and by angery lesbian who couldn’t get a man.!

Came up…

I felt like the marches I had encountered down south.  When I had been advocating change not only for AIDS, LGBT and African Americans…reappeared again, almost 30 years later.  As though, with what few steps forward my minority, other minorities and many in between the cracks, took forward…we were taking several steps back…

So upsetting to me is the idea that persons I have known; as children, were stating things like…

So tired of the posts about politics.

Trump won.  Get the fuck over it!

or,

better yet,

they post pictures…

of football games and proms from years gone by!

In someone’s estimation.  Someone I cannot even remember growing up with, I was not always gay.  And, I was indeed, just another angry lesbian!

Dear Old Friend,

I have always been gay.  Yet, I feared coming out of the closet until I could get out on my own.  Am I angry?  Fuck yes!  Angry that my politics have upset you so!

John Boy: Nice try!!!! Conservatives didn’t riot or burn other people’s property.
Ruth M Bowley
Ruth M Bowley No! They are just wanting to take my right to marry away! They are just attempting to make sure millions of Americans remain ill. And, more importantly, they would like to go back to an era…before, Martin Luther King!
John Boy That’s not true . He’s only been in office for two days and you are already criticizing the job he has done.
Heath Hetero: He took away the fine for not having ins so he’s already took nobamas hands out of our pockets!
Heath Hetero: Two days in and the new president has done more for America than nobama ever did other countries now want to talk to our New President!
John Boy: The ACA is one of the most complicated bill ever past. Congress voted it in without even reading the whole thing. It has fingers in all sorts of crap that most of us don’t have a clue about. It will not be fixed overnight.
Ruth M Bowley
Ruth M Bowley That is why I am wondering how Heath got a hold of him. Usually, he is not ‘out of the closet’ with his ideas.
John Boy: How do you come up with he’s trying to take your right to marry or your medical and bring us back to the 60s???????? Where did you get this info Ruth Ruth M Bowley??????
Ruth M Bowley
Ruth M Bowley I didn’t answer you yesterday, John. Because there is no reasoning to a white male, who feels he isn’t being heard, who voted for Trump and wants his guns! In other words, John there is no reasoning to a group of America’s population who have not had the struggles that many have.
Heath Hetero: That’s funny because in DC pro life women weren’t welcome in their March! Some equality!!!
Ruth M Bowley

Ruth M Bowley Citizens with pre-existing medical conditions may be concerned about what will happen to them if Obamacare is repealed. And 20 million Americans who have healthcare insurance for the first time may wonder how they will fare under Trumpcare.

John Boy:  Jeeze Ruth didn’t know you knew me better than me . guess I will have to go buy a gun seeing I don’t own one. And I guess I will have to go out and get all the money I have. ( I’m far from rich) and as for being white well I’m sorry I didn’t have a choice about that. And I don’t have any pride in that because how can someone be proud of something that I had no choice in. But that’s fine just believe what you want.
Ruth M Bowley

Ruth M Bowley Odd because I could have sworn I saw a few people from your circle of friends…

Image may contain: 1 person, standing and outdoor
John Boy:  What are you talking about????
Heath Hetero: John I’ve got guns for both of us.Lol oh yeah our founding fathers made sure that I could if you have a problem with that tough shit! As far as preexisting conditions the republicans have said over and over that’s not what they want to get rid of, and 
John Boy:  What did you think you would get with Clinton in office????
John Boy: In my eyes abortion takes the right to live from the child.
JessicaFascinating. This whole conversation is fascinating. Let me make this perfectly clear to all the men on this chat. My uterus is my business. What I choose to do or not to do with it is certainly not your business. No one has a right to tell me what to 
John Boy:  You always had a choice. Don’t get pregnant with your uterus!!!!! Murder is not a right.
John Boy: Your argument does not hold water.
Jessica:  Really? Don’t tell me what to do with my uterus. And by the way. Tell all your kind raping man friends to keep their dicks in their pants. Majority of abortions are to undo a rape.
John Boy: That’s a whole different subject and you know it. A little responsibility can save a life!
Ruth M Bowley
Ruth M Bowley God fearing white man…speaks!
John Boy:  Selfish baby killer speaks.
John Boy:  Bigot
Heath Hetero:  They marched for abortion and for free contraceptives ! Well if they used contraceptives they wouldn’t be pregnant, I have go buy condoms, buy your own pills, and grow up.
Ruth M Bowley
John Boy: Don’t put up the whole post you coward ???
Ruth M Bowley
Ruth M Bowley Yup. I already got your okay.
John Boy: Is your father white any family members white males???? Bigot
Ruth M Bowley In actuality, since this is a public arena, I do not need your permission.
John Boy: She doesn’t even realize that Trump has done alot for gays and supports them . But when your ignorant your ignorant.

John Boy: Your the one who just popped in but that fine I’ve had enough of asshats and pussycaps.

By babykiller and by angery lesbian who couldn’t get a man.
I don’t have a problem with Gay’s never had. But you are what you are angry and you weren’t always a lesbian. I tried to have a civilized conversation but your to much of a bigot. Repost that! Bet you won’t
 
In 1973, when homosexuality was removed from DSM-II, there was a great deal of controversy about that decision in the psychiatric community. Many psychiatrists and psychologists still believed that homosexuality was a psychopathology which must invariably cause impairment and distress. Others recognized that the impairment and distress often seen by clinicians were a byproduct of stigma and social repression of homosexuals. This group argued that the pathologization of homosexuality in the DSM was a form of social control that itself contributed to the social stigma and to the harm it did. See DSM-II_Homosexuality_Revision.pdf
Black Like Me…John Howard Griffin

“Nothing can describe the withering horror of this. You feel lost, sick at heart before such unmasked hatred, not so much because it threatens you as because it shows humans in such an inhuman light. You see a kind of insanity, something so obscene the very obscenity of it (rather than its threat) terrifies you. It was so new I could not take my eyes from the man’s face. I felt like saying: “What in God’s name are you doing to yourself?”

What is ‘Black Like Me’?

Black Like Me, first published in 1961, is a nonfiction book by white journalist John Howard Griffin recounting his journey in the Deep South of the United States, at a time when African-Americans lived under apartheid-like conditions. Griffin was a native of Dallas, Texas, who had his skin temporarily darkened to pass as a black man. He traveled for six weeks throughout the racially segregated states of Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and Georgia to explore life from the other side of the color line. Sepia Magazine financed the project in exchange for the right to print the account first as a series of articles.