“Just now, while over feeding on social media, I had one very simple thought…What if, we all choose to be a hero…just for one day?”
I can remember
Standing, by the wall
And the guns, shot above our heads
And we kissed, as though nothing could fall
And the shame, was on the other side
Oh we can beat them, forever and ever
Then we could be heroes, just for one day
As the day drew to an agonizing end…that is, I had finished walking the dogs x 2, walking parent’s dog x 1, blowing the leaves in their ‘country’ setting home, picking up their trash…
That I later take to my town dump, pick threw it and conquer and divide, materials…recycling, reuse, repugnant!
At the end of the end of my day…a call,
You’ll never believe what I just did
Rather than agonizing you the reader with blow by blow description of said phone call. One that I took illegally…as I had been driving.
I will tell you the truth as I know it. And, as I also know, my spouse has long since given up reading my blog and, therefore, I will not be found out!
My life’s partner…my best friend with strange benefits…threw out the stove burners. Not the covers, that we had just replaced. Not the inserts that ensure no particles fall into crevices of the great beyond. Which, by the way, were just recently purchased.
She tossed the actually one and only parts that allow for cooking on a stove-top!
She did however, bake cupcakes, in between…said demise!
Bear with me…I have taken pain killers an am prone to rants and off the cuff remarks…currently.
My spouse, bless her domesticated soul, has begun taking the big marital step called, ‘cooking’.
Some of us can do it. And, for some of us, it is like getting a license at the age of 30. We should just have thrown that particular towel in and taken cabs for the rest of our lives.
I think there should be an Angry Lesbian beer. Yup, that was my thought, after hanging up the phone and attempting to process the how, what and/or wtf, of my partner’s need to clean the stove so thoroughly, parts and particles get tossed out in the mayhem.
This Angry Lesbian beer should be the following:
I don’t ever want to drink again
I just, oh, I just need a friend
The anti freeze should not be enough to kill. Just enough to deter.
The Angry Lesbian beer should smell like patchouli. Being dark in nature, somewhat nutty!
Which by the way? What on earth do we refer to the male privates as a pair of ‘nuts’? It has been awhile but I am sure things haven’t changed that much. Those ugly things look nothing like any nut I have put in my mouth!
You will soon see how this may or may not go together.
Upon arriving home…
Instead of, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. Too bad it was dump day!
‘Boy, you handled that much better than you used to!’
This is where the Angry Beer comes in. This is where the ‘I hate myself for loving you..’
This is where the guilty lesbian…you guessed it, comes in!
I get the leaving on tampon in the box routine…that is typical of a married lesbian couple.
I get the using the last razor…without buying new ones, situation that I sometimes find myself in.
I even understand
‘I haven’t had a chance to wear that shirt yet! Please don’t get anything on it! You know how messy you can be!’
Of course, no one goes out of their way to soil themselves. Unless they are in a home for stupid people. And, that fuckin’ shirt had been hanging in the closet for 3 months. And, that fuckin’ shirt, had been mine originally, I just let her believe she bought it!
We had been asked once by the girlfriend of my spouse’s father…who happens to be very correct and very in tune with strife. She is a family lawyer!
‘So, will you refer to Megan as, your spouse, your partner or your wife?’
This a question given to me after the combining of one Irish family with another Irish family and making one big Fat Lesbian Wedding!
My first thought than. My one thought now. WTF? Does that really matter? Most of the time…I just nod in her direction!
I have never been politically correct and I suppose, it is too late to start now!
What gives with the mythology of the Angry Lesbian?
I hate to tell the world. Only Melissa Etheridge and the Indigo Girls are really angry for no apparent reason. The rest of us…have plenty of Lifetime movie moments, true and sincere, to which there should be some righteous anger!
In ending, the ‘I Hate Myself for Loving You’ story? The other time where the need to make an Angry Lesbian beer…came to mind?
After having driven all day and all night just to get from New Hampshire to some alley way in Baltimore;
“I wanna walk but I run back to you…I hate myself for loving you…”
Came banging on the MP3 player. Jokingly, I said, “I love this song! It reminds me of you. Kind of a twisted love song!”
The rest of the journey? Silent! All 1100 miles of it.
Someone please invent an
Angry Lesbian beer!
The price for burner inserts? For a stove that was a double for the stove on the set of the Brady Bunch? Approximately, $32.00 x four!
Segmented segments from enriched with egotistical gene soil readers:
Today, we will see how anything can be answered with a lyric!
Problems with the bath?
being in the tub. Here’s an idea It’s a fact that more and more stressful and fast paced,
the need for water hot tubs and high blood pressure massage.
Modern Spa is a good solution. Another type
of sanitizer is called” It’s always best to follow the hot tubs and high blood pressure instruction on the sanitizer you are using.
Wet from the Inside Out-
Well, Bonita, Spanish for I lay me down with a taco and wake up smelling like sawdust!
you caught me in the squeeze play on the cheesy side of town
Throw me a dime, throw me a line
‘Cause there’s a fat man in the bathtub with the blues
Honestly. Don’t people realize that 4% of the income from the top 1% of wage earner’s income is a lot of money? That money is used to employee many people. Think of it. The rich are just like the middle class. They buy stuff. So, if Joe Millionaire wants to put a 500k addition on his mansion, which would employ a small army of workers, and now he doesn’t have that 500k cause Uncle Sam took it, don’t you think that army of workers will be affected? Exactly. Joe Millionaire may not put on the addition this year. People don’t get this. They say take from the rich and give to the poor. Yeah… now all those workers who were going to build the addition are collecting checks from the government because they didn’t get a contract for the job. What a joke. Anyway,
Hey this is a great post. Could you keep me updated with any other info similar to this? If travelling to the UK why not stay at Stafford hotel and watch a Shakespeare play!
Brussels to you and yours
Sitting in an English garden waiting for the sun
If the sun don’t come
You get a tan from standing in the English rain
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen
I am the walrus
WTF has happened to Facebook? Everywhere I go I am de-friended. Is that a word yet? I know that, fuckin’ ridiculous is a word? Or, at least, two words! And, I think all this liking stuff has made us all looking fuckin’ ridiculous in the eyes of our dog.
Well, when I’m hurtin I have a dangerous tongue
I lose it and use it like a gun
Oh wont you stop me if you see me takin aim!
Valley of Pain/Bonnie Raitt
Readers/Fans/Relatives from the Bad side of Town
Most certainly a good bath cleanses the soul from the stench of living on thin dimes and a dream. And, therefore, you never hear the ‘rich’ complain about having too much money. Ever thought of that? That is because it is most likely soiled and in need of a weeks washing down at the Sit n Spin on this.
England had once had the pleasure of my company but I met up with a woman named Lucinda at the Avon. We had a night on the Strafford with plenty of hard cider and frivolous English play. After that I hung up any hopes of dating buck tooth women with a shine for potty mouth with an accent and breast that sway from side to side.
‘Til next time…don’t leave your light on…they’re looking for us all!
EARL'S PLACE: "AN OPEN & RESPECTFUL ONLINE SPACE TO DEBATE OPPORTUNITIES & CHALLENGES FACING THE GLOBE," CURATED BY AWARD-WINNING COLUMNIST, EARL PLANTE, AN UNFLINCHING ADVOCATE FOR SOCIAL & ECONOMIC JUSTICE