New Hampshire…What is it good for?

There is very little people actually know/understand about New Hampshire! It is just that at ‘face value’, we appear, small, boring and of course, cold. I get it! I’ve run from New Hampshire many times. I ran as though my ass were on fire. Yet, that Yankee cynicism keeps calling me back.

So, imagine my surprise when I had been informed of…New Hampshire, the second best state to be in!

I won’t bore people with the facts. New Hampshire is after all,

lovely, dark and deep.

Knee deep that is in the opioid epidemic, alcoholism, homelessness, domestic and spousal abuse. Attempting to no always be the cynic, I wanted to shed a light on ‘things’ New Hampshire is positively, known for.

  • New Hampshire had been the ‘first’ to break from the Motherland! Yup! Even way back when, New Hampshirites were frustrated, bitter and fed up with being bullied around.
  • Franklin Pierce? Remember him! No, I don’t blame you. Many do not know of Franklin! He was the 14th president of the United States. Franklin had a ‘phobia’ about the number 13. Number 14 seemed to fit better for him. Franklin became an alcoholic at some point (urban legend tells us, Franklin liked to ride his carriage drunk and run old women over). But I can only assume his town drunk behavior started after…all of his children died and his wife begin, slowly, to become a basket-case.
  • Mary Had A Little Lamb! I know! WTF! New Hampshire is owner to Sarah Josepha Hale. S.J.H., unfortunately gave us that lovely diddy…Mary Had A Little Lamb. The world’s most boring…bedtime story.
  • The potato first took seed in, Derry. The potato, imagine that! A vegetable only a few select climates can claim to grow. Siberia, Presque Isle Maine and Iceland, are among the other ‘colder than a witch’s tit, places where potatoes take root.

Now this is my favorite fact! It is my favorite fact because IT defies imagination!

  • New Hampshire is the first recorded state of mind and/or state to claim an ‘Alien Abduction.’ Betty and Barney Hill just happened to be out on a day ‘trip’ when the skies parted, right up yonder, near the Old Man in the Mountain. **The Old Man in the Mountain: a stone structure formed by bad weather. It used to look like a mix of Bob Hope and Tilda Swinton. Now it looks like nothing because the rock formation fell. It should be noted that both the ‘Alien Abduction site and the Old Man in the Mountain, bring in New Hampshire’s biggest resource! Tourism!
  • Lastly, New Hampshire should be best known for gathering strange people from strange lands, and their money. New Hampshire makes a large profit over fictional beings that never really were there in the first place.

Enough with the Maple

Because New Hampshir-ites are rigid and cold…having just gone through a horrific winter.  And, because…after a great while of promise (temps in the 30’s)…we warm up typically around…June.  The is a natural connection between Us and our trees.

Therefore, it is only natural we get orgasmic during maple syrup season.  As the process of making the liquid gold requires fluctuating temps.  Warm days.  Cold nights.

So other than slapping tennis rackets on to our feet or struggling with sticks to go…cross country…we tap trees.  Walking along in snow drifts that have gained 10 pounds of water weight.  Walking around putting holes in trees.  Only to watch maple drip like a slow, leaking, kitchen faucet."Look at the hayseed! He's trying to milk a tree!

It is only with this logic and fanfare… I feel obliged to share some important Maple facts:

-We first learned the talent of tapping Maple trees from Native Americans.  Go figure, Native Americans, have taught us everything we need to know about the outdoors.  WE did not start to commercialize the product until the 1660’s.

-Maple Syrup is 100% natural

-Maple Syrup provides an antioxidant value equal to broccoli

-Maple Syrup offers more than 100% of the daily allowance of manganese, 37% of riboflavin, 18% of zinc(zinc reduces the risk of heart disease)

-Maple Syrup reduces the risk of heart disease

-Maple Syrup has no fatImage result for humorous things to do with maple syrup

-Maple Syrup as a, sweetener, typically has fewer calories

In New Hampsha we make…Maple Martinis, in which to wash down our Maple Stir Fry.  After a relaxing night at the ‘all you can eat’ buffet down at Polly’s Pancake Parlor: Typically we go home and light a maple incense, while taking a Maple bubble bath and scrubbing down with a Maple bar of soap.