Emma Boil N Skip Wad 4 Christmas

Christ! For Christmas!

Miss Emma Boil

13 Annus Lane

Beaver Bush, New York

December 14, 2013

Dearest John:

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree.  What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn’t have been more surprised.

With deepest love and devotion, Emma

On the second day of Christmas…


 Miss Emma Boil
13 Annus Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 15, 2013

Dearest Skip:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift.
Just imagine two turtle doves.  I’m just delighted
at your very thoughtful gift.  They are just

All my love,


On the third day of Christmas…


 Miss Emma Boil
13 Annus Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 16, 2013

Dearest Skip:

Oh!  Aren’t you the extravagant one.  Now I really
must protest.  I don’t deserve such generosity,
Three French hens. They are just darling but I must
insist, you’ve been too kind.



On the fourth day of Christmas…

Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (mu...
Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (musical) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Miss Emma Boil
13 Annus Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 17, 2013

Dear Skip,

Today the postman delivered 4 calling birds.  Now
really, they are beautiful but don’t you think
enough is enough. You’re being too romantic.



On the fifth day of Christmas…


 Miss Emma Boil
13 Annus Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 18, 2013

Dearest Skip:

What a surprise.  Today the postman delivered 5
golden rings; one for every finger.  You’re just
impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds
squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love,



On the sixth day of Christmas…

Miss Emma Boil
13 Annus Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 19, 2013

Dear Skip Wad:

When I opened the door there were actually 6 geese
a-laying on my front steps.  So, you’re back to
the birds again, huh?  Those geese are huge.  Where
will I ever keep them?  The neighbors are
complaining and I can’t sleep through the racket.

Please stop.



On the seventh day of Christmas…

Bad Santa

  13 Annus Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 20, 2013


What’s with you and those crazy birds?  7 swans
a-swimming. What kind of terrible joke is this?
There’s bird shit all over the house, and they
never stop with the racket.  I can’t sleep at
night and I’m a nervous wreck.  It’s not funny.
So stop sending me all these birds!



On the eighth day of Christmas…


Miss Emma Boil
13 Annus Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 21, 2013

Pecker Head:

I think I prefer the birds.  What am I going to do
with 8 maids a-milking?  It’s not enough with all
those birds and 8 maids a-milking, but they had to
bring their cows!  There is shit all over the lawn
and I can’t move in my own house.  Just lay off me,
smart ass.


On the ninth day of Christmas…


  Miss Emma Boil
13 Annus Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 22, 2013

Hey!  Shit 4 brains,

What are you?  Some kind of sadist?  Now there’s 9
pipers playing.  And boy, do they play.  They’ve
never stopped chasing those maids since they got
here yesterday morning. They cows are getting upset,
and they’re stepping all over those screeching
birds. What am I going to do?  The neighbors have
started a petition to evict me.

You’ll get yours in Hell,


On the tenth day of Christmas…

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Miss Emma Boil
13 Annus Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 23, 2013

You Rotten Bastard,

Now there’s 10 ladies dancing.  I don’t know why I
call those sluts ladies.  They’ve been messing with
those pipers all night long.  Now the cows can’t
sleep and they’ve got the diarrhea. My living
room is a river of shit.  The Commissioner of
Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why this
building shouldn’t be condemned.

I’m sicking the po po on you.

From the Bitch .

On the eleventh day of Christmas…


Miss Emma Boil
13 Annus Lane
Beaver Bush, New York

December 24, 2013

Listen!  Needle Dick,

What’s with the 11 lords a-leaping on those maids
and ladies. Some of those broads will never walk
again.  Those pipers ran through the maids and
have been committing sodomy with the cows.  All
23 of the birds are dead.  They’ve been trampled
to death in the orgy.  I hope you’re satisfied,
you rotten, vicious swine.

Your worse nightmare,


On the twelfth day of Christmas…

 Law Offices
Boehner, Dick and Weiner
the Watergate Hotel, Room 666
Foggy Bottom, Washington D.C.

Merry Christmas graffiti

December 25, 2013
Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 12
fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to
inflict on our client, Miss Emma Boil.
The destruction, of course, was total.  All
correspondence should come to our attention.
If you should attempt to reach Miss Boil
at the Betty Ford Clinic, the attendants have
instructions to shoot you on sight.  With this
letter please find attached warrant for your


Boehner, Dick Weiner

The Right to Extreme Stupdity League: R.E.S.L


the wit and wisdom of life can be found under the bed and in the far corner of your unfinished basement!…

S.S.P. A.K.A-
Society of Stupid People

angry boilers deserve their own sitcom

my wish

A tug boat going towards the UND Adriyatik; se...
A tug boat going towards the UND Adriyatik; seen at the exit of the port of Pula (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We allow so many to rent space in our heads and our hearts.  So many of the so many we would not rent a one room shack on a tug boat out in the New York harbor to.

So many are there of the so many that if we stand back and stand up straight…we soon see that the persons we have bestowed with a key to the loft of our lives are really just sick.  Sick in the head.  Sick from being ‘conformed’.  Ill mannered elitists with which the silver spoon and the almighty dollar have made bosom buddies with.

An ill tempered mismanaged group of disposable persons looking to find another place, space to rent for they have been kicked out of their last tenement and are in need of a few good references.

Couldn’t Resist…Litte Dick


Eddie Carmel, Jewish Giant, taken at Home with...
Eddie Carmel, Jewish Giant, taken at Home with His Parents in the Bronx, NY, 1970 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Alex Rose: Magnificent parrot.
Mrs. Connelly: It’s not a parrot, dear. He’s a macaw. He’s named after my late husband, Richard. I’ve had Little Dick for forty years.[Alex and Nancy smile]
Mrs. Connelly: Now tell me about yourselves. What do you do, Allen?
Alex Rose: [Correcting her] Alex.
Nancy Kendricks: Alex is a writer.
Mrs. Connelly: Oh, a writer. I always thought of that as more of a hobby than a real job. I suppose I’m forgettin’ about Joyce.
Alex Rose: Joyce, James Joyce, of course. Wonderful writer.
Mrs. Connelly: He died drunk and penniless.
Nancy Kendricks: Well, Alex’s first novel was published in hardback, and he’s just about to finish his second one.
Mrs. Connelly: Oh, what’s it about?
Alex Rose: Well, I like to call it an urban epic. It’s about three generations of this family in New York that own a printing press, and I tell a story mainly about…
Mrs. Connelly: [Bored, cutting him off] Oh, that’s nice. Let me give you a refill. Big Dick had the taste, too. He was a seaman. The drink took him from me in 1963. We’d been married for 58 years.


You caught me. I can’t help but sneak a fag once in a blue moon.


Grandma Ruth

If your lover can’t accept your feet for what they are it’s time to find a different big bed to sleep in!

nothing you confess could make me love you less
nothing you confess could make me love you less