For what it is worth
I see you when I climb the stairs a midst stark twilight.
Your dauntless task given unto an endless flight.
A vision of tolerance and safety.
Kindness and dignity.
A shimmering arc focused on what is here.
A dark side to what is not there.
Can you fix me?
Whiling the while…
cradling ‘of unknown origins’…above the street?
Rest assured I’ve cleaned hell.
It left me in a
‘poor me’ spell.
Days, months, years…
stuck in the glare.
Rummaging in the attic…
drunk and blind…
looking for a purpose, a meaning, maybe a sign.
Now, feral moon, as time becomes,
a whimper and a whim…
As life goes bump in the night…
as it often will.
The dark shadows, the bolted attic door, the childish folk lore’s…
beg the question, once more.
What is IT out there?
One step down from the top of the stair?
IT used to be the monsters sight unseen.
Sometimes, I know, as I do now,
IT is only in a dream.
“If winter calls should I answer?” mother had asked.
Her words such as peeled back bark.
Earthy and sublime, a slow pouring wine.
The volume of her sentences were never said…in moderation.
It is four in the morning and I am awoken to hanging on.
What ground had just been broken?
How many more sleepless black and white moments, sullen and justified, would this go on?
Ashen, Irish, ashes all that was left in the morning.
When memories woke up.
my nights, a shallow grave
what are these thoughts…that have not forgiven me
as time diminishes into time
I find a stranger in my mind
what are these transformations that live within me
images and proclamations have become a corn maze
my soul holds on for first light…to give the devil his due
I am inclined to shelter in place
awakened, I must walk, however…
if only to renew
As vast as it seemed, it had only been a dream.
Murky and vague, I awoke and had become…
everything my mother had hoped I would be.
The joy in her eyes had been a prosthetic.
The sins she had always shared…
were no longer kinetic.
Slowly fading from sight…
Freedom from our bondage, once again, turned pathetic.
Before this delusion slithered from my specter.
I caressed sleep from my eyes.
And, awareness back to a falling figure, fetal on the floor.
With less came more.
Disappointment lay beside me…
as it had, a thousand times before.
My awakening had been just a dream within a dream.
A door within a door.
A damp leaf caresses my calf.
I become aware of where I am at.
Standing on the repeating ridge.
Quieting, the winds…
‘do not jump.’
With no recourse…
A fall begins.
Yet, there is not a landing to be found.
There is a vague inhabited attempt to recall the impact.
The inhabitants relay no message from the flight.
Drowned out for the air has been so loud.
So loud that…
In the downpour…
Silence is drowned by the solid ground.
Precipitously, the fog lifts…
And, I am back where I belong.
As if, the thickened air.
The jostled calf.
The grounded connection…
Were there for protection.