Help from a Gen X-er

Me?  Generation X…and, damned proud of it.

In case you were curious…this definition, pretty much sums up myself and many of those around us.

considered laid back

prone to psychological disorders

beaten by their parents



without any real direction.

However, that does not mean, I, WE the X’s, do not care about the world at large.  However, however, I, WE the X’s, never really had to deal with war…other than at home.

Because I care.  Because #45 is more of an ass than I ever was drinking.  Because that little guy over in North Korea is the world’s largest walking S.T.D.  Because the threat of nuclear attack being as critical today…as during the cold war.

Because, because, because of the wonderful things an Nuclear Blast does!

A list of Do’s and Don’t During A Nuclear Attack had been made –

If alive…walk about a mile.  Do not go any further…because you wouldn’t be able to anyway.

  • Find a city.  If you live in rural New Hampshire like I do.  Well, S.O.L Sisters and Brothers.  Find a barn or an underground outhouse.
  • Attend a lecture.  Why?  I am uncertain.  But in the 50’s…it had been a suggestion!
  • Seek shelter!  Your ass is following off.  And, you must sew it back with thread doused in radiation.
  • Wait!  Believe or not, and this is our good luck!  That pesky death-ridden dust rots quickly!

If unable to move, run, stay calm…

A family modeling radiation protection suits made by Civil Defence Supply, a family mail order business which can supply everything you need to survive a nuclear attack, including packets of instant meals and protective suits complete with radiation filters, date unknown. (Hulton-Deutsch Collection/CORBIS/Corbis via Getty Images)
  • Duck and Cover goddamn it!
  • Hide!  But if you were never good at Hide and Seek…cover your head.  That’s just as good as, a table or couch, anyway!
  • Keep your fuckin’ eyes shut!  Who wants to see the carnage anyway?
  • Buy a can opener.  That is if you can find a store open during the doomsday chaos.  Before I had been kicked out of the Girl Scouts…metal can openers, were all the rage.  can-opener.jpg
  • Ring a Helpline or Hotline!  Now I did some checking on this and found only two legit phone numbers.  And, I am not allowed to share that information.

Now this is very, very, important…Smile!  What is the worse that can happen…after having just been in a nuclear attack?  My suggestion would be…before all this happens.  Back when you and your loved ones are gathered around the radio.  Listening for updates about the two dictators.  Find yourself a cedar cigar box.  Gather all the pot!  The stuff under the couch cushions.  The little baggies you left hidden in the car’s ashtray!  The ashtray you never use.

Scrape resin, dig out those pipes and put your stash in the cedar box.  Put it in the box and wrap it with ducttape.  Wrap it ten times around.  If you can’t duct it.  Fuck it!  Never let go of that box.

You, I, Us, will need a good high when all this shit is done!



Dear Persons Affected by my Rodmanism:

justifiable stupidity is best left to those who can't handle it!
justifiable stupidity is best left to those who can’t handle it!

It has/had been so long since I have been to a ‘meeting’.  So long has it been that my ISM’s are showing.

I.S.M.’s being: I, self, me.

I realized that my life’s six-pack had been lacking whilst playing a round of Around the World with the North Korean miniature basketball team.  Simply put, T.I.M.E. didn’t make me man of the second never mind ex-basketball player of the year.

T.I.M.E. being: Things I Must Earn

You maybe wondering what my specific Life’s Six Pack held…I had been wondering that as well.  I had left the note with the meaning to it all next to my A.A. meeting list.  After searching meaninglessly through vacant meanderings of memoirs four, five and six.  I found the patch of wordy scribble on the bathroom wall.

whatever happened to passing out n coming to?
whatever happened to passing out n coming to?

Rodman’s life’s six-pack:

1. Meet with someone saner than myself at least once a day.

2. Ask for help always!

3. Find a guide here on earth…even if it is the tattoo artist down the street.  Anyone as long as it is not me.

4. Read something devout and timeless filled with sage advice that does not change whether it is liked on Facebook or not.

5. Get a job that isn’t paid volunteer work.  Paid and volunteer should not go hand in hand.

6. Become a part of something that doesn’t revolve around ME!

my I.S.M.'s keeping asking me if I want to come out and play
my I.S.M.’s keeping asking me if I want to come out and play

I suspect that my ‘bad’ boy status has gone to my head once again.  I found myself directing, playing and…

what a minute…

that really happened!  I became the center of my own stage!

Here it is!  The gospel as spoken by Bill and Dr. Bob:

…I am running on self-propulsion.  I am the actor who wants to run the whole basketball game…as it were.

I am forever trying to arrange the referee’s, the players and the president of a cruel country.  If only my game strategy would sit still, if only the American people understood ‘ME’, if only my wishes were all coming true, my game would be the greatest game on earth.  Life would be great.  And, I could drink, drug and take down the statement ‘self will run riot’ in one false swoosh of a three pointer.

Why didn’t this happen?  I am great, I am kind and I put up with other people!

What the F-ck?  This didn’t happen and now I am in a shit storm of bad karma, as well as, ready to point fingers at everyone but my I.S.M behavior.

Not too long ago, when the world had stopped looking at my bad advertisement.  When the lights grew dim on my career.  When I had no choice but to look at myself.  I found this message inscribed on the inside of a Big Book:

“only the good die young…the rest go to A.A. meetings!”


D. Rodman

Peace begins with a blink of an I.
Peace begins with a blink of an I.