Bring Back Naked Gardening!

Posted on  by randomwordbyruth

  

Get ready for the Annual World Naked Gardening Day (WNGD)! People across the globe are encouraged, on the first Saturday of May, to tend their portion of the world’s garden unclothed as nature intended.

Gardening has a timeless quality, and anyone can do it: young and old, singles or groups, the fit and infirm, urban and rural. An elderly lady in a Manhattan apartment can plant new annuals in her window box. Families can rake leaves in their back yard. Freehikers can pull invasive weeds along their favorite stretch of trail. More daring groups can make rapid clothes-free sorties into public parks to do community-friendly stealth cleanups.

Why garden naked? First of all, it’s fun! Second only to swimming, gardening is at the top of the list of family-friendly activities people are most ready to consider doing nude. Moreover, our culture needs to move toward a healthy sense of both body acceptance and our relation to the natural environment. Gardening naked is not only a simple joy, it reminds us–even if only for those few sunkissed minutes–that we can be honest with who we are as humans and as part of this planet.

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I have already found some ‘fault’ with this holiday. As many of us are situated in such places that do not provide ‘shelter from the storm’…per-say!

For instance,

-severe allergy to poison ivy

-thorny bushes that dot the New Hampshire landscape

-Irish skin exposed to elements such as,

-humidity the same level as the temperature

-encounters with Sasquatch

-deer ticks

-New Hampshire’s personal…on steroids, mosquito

Then there are also…physical obstacles…

-bladder control problems

-where to hang the mp3 player

-where to place the All Eyes are on You…phone

-dog shit!

and…

Most importantly,

‘Why am I looking at that?’

the Evil that Dogs Do

Pretty straight forward.

Though, typically, unintended, dogs, mongrel or pedigree…can gross their owners out.  And, piss their dog zen…to the limit.

  • The neuter of a male dog and, he is still insistent on humping anything above ground.

  • Rolling in items that have passed away years ago and/or been up someone else’s ass!

  • Most dogs believe the activity of intercourse between two people is a call to them for a play fight.  Or, such as my dogs…they assume you are in pain and in need of help!

  • All dogs believe their tongues are a gift from the Higher Power.  And, thus, go out of their way to put it anywhere they damn well please!  The same could be said, for their noses!

  • Dogs instinctively have a knack for eating/destroying…only the important things.  Such as, this year’s tax returns, birth certificates, checks and/or paper products that there are no copies of.

  • I have had no peace with…the ‘human #2 time…in 5 years!

 

  • No mattress of any comfort or price has been signed to accommodate the sleeping position of dog owners!  The following is an example of what it is like when the dog…decides it is time to put their skinny ass…in the,  bed.