Say, What

Things I know I could have said…when high:

You Can’t Let Dick Control Your Life

Thank you for evoking memories, particularly of days gone by. *BBC

You can’t just let nature run wild. *Walter Hickel, former governor of Alaska

I have opinions of my own-strong opinions-but I don’t always agree with them. *President George Bush

Even though there may be some misguided critics of what we’re trying to do, I think we’re on the wrong path. *Ronald Reagan

We don’t have to worry about endangered species-why, we can’t even get rid of the cockroach. *James Watt, former secretary of the interior

I didn’t intend for this to take on a political tone. I’m just here for the drugs. *Nancy Reagan on Just Say No!

Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours. *Yogi Berra

If gays are granted rights, next we’ll have to give rights to prostitutes and to people who sleep with St. Bernard’s and to nail-biters. *Anita Bryant

I was under medication when I made the decision not to burn the tapes. *Richard Nixon

I feel my best when I’m happy! *Winona Ryder

Don’t Bogart That Joint

little feat/fat man in the bathtub
Put my money in your meter baby so it won’t run down But you caught me in the squeeze play on the cheesy side of town

First and foremost, no I was not, am not, a true participant of the 70’s!  Perhaps, the late 70’s…but certainly not Watergate and Deep Throat.  I did however, grow up with older half siblings that felt the need to engage me in all the Polka Dot, macrame rage!

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How well does anyone really know the history of slang?  Our vernaculars, 2019…deeply set in the language of Soul Train and American Bandstand!

Are you going bootin’?

I went bootin’!  I went bootin’ at ‘Funspot’ roller rink!  Boogying down to Donna Summer’s ‘Love to Love You Baby!’

Course, I had been spazzing out to the strobe lights that were dancing off the disco ball.  The ‘Man’ had been keeping my catholic school ass since 1972!  And, fool that I was…I had disappointingly been looking for jive ass religion at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box.

Just another Generation X queer looking to Lay Down Sally or Judy in Disguise!

I don’t want to boast but I had been ‘wicked’ cool in my cut off Toughskins and Halter Top!  Riding ’round the all-white city of Concord in my ten speed from Sears.  Avoiding Smokey with some bitchin’ studded tires!

At the end of the era I had learned two significant things!

Never Bogart a joint!

AND

Never get busted with burnouts who are trippin’ for the Bay City Rollers!

70's Slang

 

a Poor Person’s Guide to Earth day

Earth Day for the Poor

-Gather the few you know!  Poverty requires a small social circle…as you do not have any friends.  Having ‘many’ pals means buying the first round.  Obviously, this does not happen much.  Place your dog and your cat in a circular rock garden.  Practice stretching.  That is it.  Just enjoy the relaxing nature of the…rock.

-Take a ride on your moped.  Make sure to pack plenty of biodegradable shopping bags.  Stop at every free pile that you took note of…from the weekly installment of…The Weekly Flea (a free publication from the free Masons!)

-Make a, Earth Day resolution.  Screw trying to fit into the second hand bikini with a low budget diet!  Offer instead to jot down eco-minded ideas.  A procrastinator’s journal that is.  Bound to depress you the whole year through.

-Perform a ‘spring’ cleaning on the cat’s litter-box.

**Please remember to use earth friendly products such as, extra elbow grease, fingernails and hemp!

 

-Instead of just tossing out old vibrators or used porn tapes.  Host a neighborhood swap!

– Get crafty!  Hand knit those cat sweaters with fabric from St. Vincent De Paul’s senior run…thrift store.

-Get dirty.  Plant some ‘banana kush, jack flash or golden goat.’

-At some point, you should donate unwanted items such as; over chewed dog toys, half eaten pastas from a broken box, the six pack of Near Beer…given to you from last x-mas.

-Reflect, reflect, reflect, reflect on your duct taped Doc Marten…footprint.  Church is still, semi free.  No need for folding money and you are promised a warm seat…at least for an hour

-Enjoy a book.  Perhaps, a book written by your favorite blogger…RandomWordbyRuth.  If that is not handy…Big John’s bathroom reader will do.

 

Applying for Ganja

Pot Smoker Needed:

20-stoner-canon.w512.h600.2x
Marijuana is fuel for a creative mind. Fuck this prohibition. -a.k. kuykendall

The D.E.A., is currently receiving applications for the above mentioned job.  Please note below job requirements –

-Persons must be able to lift a minimum of an ounce

-Persons should have no known allergies to Saran Wrap baggies

-Persons should be able to hold their breath for at least…10 seconds

-Persons should be acquainted with a variety of lighters

i.e. Mini Bics, wooden Matches, gas stove tops

-Persons should be willing to eat two half gallons of Heavenly Hash and 5 Super Sim Jim’s within a half an hour

**Felons may apply:  As most of America’s petty pot growers/smokers, are in jail or have been at one time or another

***Overtime is required as the worker may, for prolonged periods of time, forget what they were are supposed to do next

DEA looking for a Houston contractor who can burn Thousands of pounds of pot

The contractor must be able to burn at 1,000 pounds of marijuana per hour and for a minimum of eight consecutive hours per day.

HOUSTON — The Drug Enforcement Agency has been flooded with phone calls since we first reported they are looking for a Houston-area contractor to burn pot and other seized drugs.

There are special requirements for the job. The contractor must be able to incinerate various items like papers, cassette tapes, bulk marijuana, pharmaceuticals, and other incidental controlled substances.

he contractor must be able to burn at 1,000 pounds of marijuana per hour and for a minimum of eight consecutive hours per day.

While the contractor will need to do their own background checks and drug tests, the DEA says they reserve the right to conduct their own background check on the contractor’s personnel.

The DEA also requires that the contractor have their own closed-circuit cameras, and they observe the right to access the video to make sure the evidence is being properly destroyed.

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