Bong Condom?

Akin to my Native American Heritage, I welcomed our new neighbors with an offering of the ‘peace pipe.’

I had wandered overly (slightly high)…wishing to get even higher with my new found friends. So with grace I packed my favorite bong and took flight. It is, of course, a right of passage for many pot smoker’s to offer up their common ground with one another.

Without a care in the world we passed the bong. They thanked me for my generosity. Thus, in exchange, another pipe was pulled out (much prettier than my bong) and again, we took in a round of tokes.

##side note: Have you ever notice how pot smokers compare their devices? Kind of like keeping up with the Jones’s…hippie style.

After several hours of not being able to end a thought or remember what we were talking about…I went home.

Yet, when back home…I worried about hygiene. ‘Oh fuck I just shared a bong and did it within 6 feet!

Naturally, the morning after…I researched pot etiquette during the pandemic.

And, the following is what I discovered…

Bong Condoms!

I don’t know if I would have the energy to wrap my bong in a condom! Matter of fact, I think I’d be too lazy…after a toke or two…to switch my condoms out.

I did, however, discover a wonderful news article on the Do’s and Dont’s of getting high during the pandemic.

Start do-it-yourself projects, as well as enjoy some stoner entertainment to improve your mood.

DIY cannabis

Here are 5 reasons why it’s the perfect time to start growing cannabis.  Here’s how to germinate seeds and start an indoor garden.

Also, whip up some cannabutter to turn smokeables into edibles.

Stoner entertainment for self-isolation

You’re inside, you’re bored, we get it. Try these on for size:

I wonder if they put a condom on that bad boy?

Meaning While in Scouting News!

https://www.theonion.com/catholic-church-not-about-to-be-out-molested-by-goddamn-1836702707

The Boy Scouts of America declare bankruptcy due to continued allegations of sexual abuse!

While the Girl Scouts of America become the entrepreneurs they were always meant to be!

Girl Scouts set up stall outside Chicago weed dispensary, sell ‘several hundred’ boxes

Say, What

Things I know I could have said…when high:

You Can’t Let Dick Control Your Life

Thank you for evoking memories, particularly of days gone by. *BBC

You can’t just let nature run wild. *Walter Hickel, former governor of Alaska

I have opinions of my own-strong opinions-but I don’t always agree with them. *President George Bush

Even though there may be some misguided critics of what we’re trying to do, I think we’re on the wrong path. *Ronald Reagan

We don’t have to worry about endangered species-why, we can’t even get rid of the cockroach. *James Watt, former secretary of the interior

I didn’t intend for this to take on a political tone. I’m just here for the drugs. *Nancy Reagan on Just Say No!

Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours. *Yogi Berra

If gays are granted rights, next we’ll have to give rights to prostitutes and to people who sleep with St. Bernard’s and to nail-biters. *Anita Bryant

I was under medication when I made the decision not to burn the tapes. *Richard Nixon

I feel my best when I’m happy! *Winona Ryder

Don’t Bogart That Joint

little feat/fat man in the bathtub
Put my money in your meter baby so it won’t run down But you caught me in the squeeze play on the cheesy side of town

First and foremost, no I was not, am not, a true participant of the 70’s!  Perhaps, the late 70’s…but certainly not Watergate and Deep Throat.  I did however, grow up with older half siblings that felt the need to engage me in all the Polka Dot, macrame rage!

il_794xn.1450988853_4uni

How well does anyone really know the history of slang?  Our vernaculars, 2019…deeply set in the language of Soul Train and American Bandstand!

Are you going bootin’?

I went bootin’!  I went bootin’ at ‘Funspot’ roller rink!  Boogying down to Donna Summer’s ‘Love to Love You Baby!’

Course, I had been spazzing out to the strobe lights that were dancing off the disco ball.  The ‘Man’ had been keeping my catholic school ass since 1972!  And, fool that I was…I had disappointingly been looking for jive ass religion at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box.

Just another Generation X queer looking to Lay Down Sally or Judy in Disguise!

I don’t want to boast but I had been ‘wicked’ cool in my cut off Toughskins and Halter Top!  Riding ’round the all-white city of Concord in my ten speed from Sears.  Avoiding Smokey with some bitchin’ studded tires!

At the end of the era I had learned two significant things!

Never Bogart a joint!

AND

Never get busted with burnouts who are trippin’ for the Bay City Rollers!

70's Slang