There is nothing a daughter wants more than to be able to give back…to her parents! It has been my pleasure to do so for approximately, 6 years, 114 days, 22 hours and 7 minutes. But who is counting?
And, though, it has been a learning experience; the in’s and out’s of aging, frivolity among the elderly and loving the bratty senior..I would on some occasions be willing to exchange those spurts of growth with say…being housed in a small confined space with an angry, in heat, feral cat.
For example, the other day, whilst picking up assorted, snort rags, mouth rags and handi-wipes…because my father’s OCD, has gone un-medicated; I discovered a Parenting magazine. This piece of literature may have its place in a newborn’s home. What it was doing in stacked against National Geographic and AARP’s special Oscar issue, is anybody guess.
Matter of fact, I am still curious and after addressing the issue with my mother.
“What’s up with the Parenting magazine? Are you pregnant?”
Mom’s quick reply?
“Oh, that? I don’t know where it comes from. We get it every month. Not sure why!”
I have noticed the more direct the question with my parents…the increased possibility of evasiveness occurs. Almost the same kind of behavior portrayed by myself…as a rebel without a cause…teenager.
The above mentioned situation lead me to think of various other things…I should understand but, simply, do not.
- People who drive their motorcycles in the winter time. Now, I get it, in New Hampshire there just is not enough sunlight and warmth. And, after you’ve just put 5,000 down on the new Harley…riding is all you want to do. However, it is often been said,
“The most deadly combination known to man is low IQ and high testosterone.”
― Jarod Kintz
- Daylight savings?! What does that even mean? No one really knows what time it is anyway. And, those of us over forty, are not particular fond of how quickly time flies. I say, leave it alone. Every time it happens I have to go out and buy a new cheap digital watch from Wal-Mart.
- Went missing? The other day, unfortunately, a small child went missing…channel 9 reported! What does that even mean? If you go somewhere, you went there. If you miss placed your bong…it is gone…M.I.A. There is no in between! The child did not specifically to the beater car, to be missing…A car that was running with the windows up. If the sentence were to make sense. It would need to go like this:Lucinda Lou went to the 89′ Chevy Cavalier without exhaust. She went there to be missing. Lucinda Lou’s mother concurs, when the child went there to the car, something was missing.
- Felonious sexual assault! Cut it out! Rape is rape is rape. Why must we be so politically correct? Are we attempting not to insult the sensibilities of a…rapist?
- The River dance, Celtic woman, Blue Man group and Trans Siberian orchestra? If any of these groups are one of your favorites…Most likely, you are reading the wrong blog! Can you say, ‘pass me an Ambien and let’s call it a day?’
- Who’s your daddy? I know where my daddy is. He’s sleeping at stop light somewhere. Yet, another perk of senior sitting! Who is he? He’s the asshole arguing with Concord P.D., stating, ‘laws are always up to interpretation!’
Just the other day, my father, who is one of the most intelligent people I know. Claimed…
‘Have Ruth open the skylight. She should be able to reach it!’
My father also has some issues with lucidity and stubbornness!
‘Yeah, I’m about three inches taller than dad!’
Father follows with…
‘What’d you mean? I go to the gym once a week. Been doing up to ten sit-ups! I’ve lost five pounds…I’m taller! Almost your height!’
What does that even mean? My father wasn’t even the same height before senior shrinkage happened. Does this mean that weight is not actually lost? It just puts on an inch or two? Perhaps, he meant to say,
My height, my weight and my sanity…went missing. For further information consult your latest subscription to Parenting magazine!