Had I Known

Had I known this would have been our last embrace.
Would I have given more than I take.
I summon up that specter steeple.
As well as, that rare smile that graced your face.
Even now,
I ask the hereafter, with quiet reservation,
who does not falter?

Ominous choices of two forks in the road.
‘No, you did all you could.
How were you to know.
She always likened herself to beauty being bold.’

Those were the days of romantic sobriety.
Young love in tarnished hands.
A reckoning of waters,
so still they moved.
I moved.
You moved.

I am perpetually swayed back to that secular summer place…
with the worshipers in the sun’s face.
The only thing I knew to do was offer a way to leave.
Proposing a week’s reprieve.

Seven days.
It moved me.
It moved you.
And,
at the time,

that was the best that we could do.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

the Mental Health Closet: Speak 4 Those Who Can’t

She is my silence and I am her voice
She is my silence and I am her voice

To live extravagantly amongst mental illness is to know the other shoe will drop and still have the willingness to move forward.  In the eleven years that I have had the privilege to embrace the woman who has made Picasso paintings seem more palatable and random non -descript voices a thing of routine…I’ve learned to give up the ghost that resides within us all.

Is it a tainted  beautiful mind that has fallen upon my ignorant and lacking in silence form?  Is it indeed I who has found her short comings to be something of a comically sexy sight?  Isn’t I who has let go of the hidden glances and the closeted nuances that are the make-up to a dis-ability?  Or,  SHE who has been bullied by imagined but oh, so real fear…it is she that raises the bar to who I am and who I could be?  Most likely so…she is an angel that has fallen too close to the ground and I am wrought with menacingly bad chivalrous misdirected motions when the voices come to call.  But I would quiver again to fight the monsters under her bed.  She is my silence and I…I am her voice.

Yet, to the world and it’s politely politically incorrect masses…WE, ME and SHE are but a deposited brush fire slightly out of control and always containable and invisible to the untrained eye

Possibly a trip to Waterloo.  A place of stolen good memories and niche in the woods of our anti social life amongst the earth people.  Just the slightest chance can arise in this the  vacant moments of what should be important in life.  It is these times when the breach of ‘let’s not talk about that today’ contracts, where many advocates for the advanced beyond human kindness lot, may hear the pleas from the co-pilot to plights of the misunderstood.

Never have I thought my other soul to be disabled.  Only have I begun to see that the breath she breaths is weightless and her song an out of step but lighter than air malady of melodies.

Love's infinity...8
Love’s infinity…8

Oh what the hell she saysI just can’t win for losingAnd she lays back down
Man there’s so many timesI don’t know what I’m doin’.  Like  I don’t know now
By the light of  the moon, she rubs her eyes.

Says  it’s funny how the night can make you blind. And I can just imagine.

And I don’t know what I’m supposed to  do.  But if she feels bad then I do  too.  So I let her be
And she says ooh I can’t take no  more.  Her tears like diamonds on the  floor.  And her diamonds bring me  down.  Cause I can’t help her  now.
She’s down in  it.  She tried her best but now she  can’t win.  It’s hard to see them on  the ground.  Her diamonds falling  down, way down
She sits down  and stares into the distance.  And it  takes all night.  And I know I could  break her concentration.  But it  don’t feel right
By the light of the moon, she rubs her eyes.  Sits  down on the bed and starts to cry.  And there’s something less about her
And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.  So I sit down and I cry too.  But  don’t let her see
And she says  ooh, I can’t take no more.  Her tears  like diamonds on the floor. And her  diamonds bring me down.  Cause I  can’t help her now.
She’s down  in it. She tried her best but now  she can’t win.  It’s hard to see them  on the ground.

Her diamonds falling  down
She shuts out the  night. Tries to close her  eyes.  If she can find  daylight.  Then she’ll be alright,  she’ll be alright Just not  tonight.
And she says ooh, I  can’t take no more. Her tears like  diamonds on the floor.  And her  diamonds bring me down. Cause I  can’t help her now.
She’s down  in it.  She tried her best but now  she can’t win.  It’s hard to see them  on the ground.  Her diamonds  falling down.
Ooh, I can’t take no  more.  Her tears like diamonds on the  floor.  But her diamonds bring me  down.  Cause I can’t help her  now.
She’s down in  it.  She tried her best but now she  can’t win.  It’s hard to see them on  the ground.  Her diamonds falling  down
I can’t take no  more.  Diamonds on the  floor.  No more, no more, no  more. Diamonds falling  down.

Not too long ago…I found my partner with her diamonds on the floor….like I had so many times before.  Crying from with in the devil had her and she knew it was a game she wouldn’t win.

It’s hard to know that a piece of a puzzle will be missing.  No matter the pills, no matter the shrinking of the past, no longer on occasion are the voices set down in her.  The voices eventually always come around…

her diamonds
Sometimes the distance can take all night