Heretic Blues

Had he loved his women?  He loved them as much as guilt.  As far as, the sharing of misdeeds could stretch.  But this one, the Keeper, carried the culpability, as though it were a cup of tea.  A precious chalice of saturation to a thirsty martyr lurking behind a family tree.isle-of-imcompletes-3

The shame forever evolved.  Resembling a tossed out Marlboro…an everlasting ash of gray .  White, burned out, trash, here to stay..

A partner to, his,  biblical claim.  Delilah…her name.

Theirs was a love affair of another kind.

Delilah, with her Yukon Jack and Pall Malls.

Sampson, with accusations making everything around…small.

If one were too close.  Blinded.  Eyes shut tight.  It would still emerge as though, heaven’s humor.  Were as poignant and pointed, as the Papal’s shoes.

How droll?  His and Her, backward, bibles…old news.220px-papal_shoes

No punchline.  No testaments!  Sampson,  just an aging fool.

A marriage to divine comedy.  Where everyone put on flawed red shoes and danced to heretic, hazy, hues.

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All I’ve learned…I’ve learned from the Gambler

As I’ve grown older, not wiser, what little I’ve learned, the ‘gambler’ taught me.

It is here where I would suggest, copying and pasting to either a daily note’s book, a reflection book with tiny little ‘ah, ha’s, in the sidebar’ or text a note to self.

After reading the bible several times, Zen and the art of Motorcycle Maintenance and, the booklet on how to give yourself a non invasive breast examination…

nothing compares to a few simple verses, brought to us by the one and only, Kenny Rogers.

 

On a warm summer’s eve
On a train bound for nowhere
I met up with the gambler
We were both too tired to sleep
So we took turns a-starin’
Out the window at the darkness
The boredom overtook us,
And he began to speak

#1. We often forget as a society, the two most important groups of our times; children and the elderly.  Children, for the obvious reason, awe and untainted views of the world.  Views we forget as time passes and, we encounter more humans.  And, with all that daily bullshit, a cynic is born.

Elders?  Well,  grandma Ruth, taught me various lessons, I could not have found on the bathroom wall at Catholic School.  One of the most significant being; wishing for a better life.  I believe her exact words were, ‘wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which one fills up first!’

He said, “Son, I’ve made a life
Out of readin’ people’s faces
Knowin’ what the cards were
By the way they held their eyes
So if you don’t mind me sayin’
I can see you’re out of aces
For a taste of your whiskey
I’ll give you some advice”

#2. If you don’t want someone’s advice, quit wearing your worries on your sleeve!  Also, in this particular situation, getting words of wisdom from a drunk stranger…isn’t such a bad idea.  Matter of fact, our country had built on this kind of idealism.  Just ask, Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, the largest and most successful self help groups around.

So I handed him my bottle
And he drank down my last swallow
Then he bummed a cigarette
And asked me for a light
And the night got deathly quiet
And his faced lost all expression
He said, “If you’re gonna play the game, boy
You gotta learn to play it right

#3. When seeking a ‘word from the wise’…if possible, find someone with nothing left to loose.  Usually these poor Sages, have been where you are now.  And, if nothing else, if you conduct yourself in the exact opposite manner of them, you cannot go wrong.

You’ve got to know when to hold ’em
Know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
You never count your money
When you’re sittin’ at the table
There’ll be time enough for countin’
When the dealin’s done

#4. Let’s use relationships as an example for consultation.  When I get up in the morning there are questions from my wife that I avoid.

One of them being,

‘Do you think I’ve gained weight?’

The best answer is one that does not deserve a reply:

 

 

   

 

‘No.’

Simple, to the point and realistic.  It is early in the morning.  Each party is holding their own set of cards…and, the day is young.  My spouse loves to chat first thing in the morning.  The world’s tragedies and their solutions will be solved before the second cup of coffee.

Therefore, ‘no’ for an answer does not always suffice.  Matter of fact, if my wife doesn’t think I am truly listening, she follows the weight question with:

‘Would you like to go down and see my mother this week?’

Fold!  Just slam the mystical cards down and shout, ‘foul ball!’  It is obvious my wife has used an unfair tactic and I have no choice but to say,

‘Sure!’

Again, one word answers are the best…they lead to less discussion later on.

And, this is where the events turn very quickly, so pay attention.

We all know such questions as, would you like to go see my mother; from woman who still refers to you as the ‘housemate’.  Are absolutely asinine interrogations!  No one wants to see someone they dislike…willingly.  It’s almost like asking, ‘Hey, you wanna come with me to get a colonoscopy?’

But it is precisely here that one needs to quickly decide:

Should I walk away from this disaster or should I run?

Should I agree to the visit and act like a child for the rest of the day.  Making the wife’s life and, mine miserable.  Should I pout when taking the trash out?  Or, do I move like my ass is on fire.  By this I mean, down the morning cup of Java, grab the dogs and the leashes and get the hell out of dodge.  Do I pretend to be deathly ill, stating I’ve been up all night and request that the wife ‘let me die in peace, upstairs with the door closed.’

It is with absolutely certainty that I can say, if you run from a bad hand…You will find yourself not agreeing to other unsavory deeds.  Deeds such as, vacuuming the used kitty litter out of the trunk of the car.  A mistake that occurred while misjudging the strength of those ‘Hefty’ trash bags.  Acts such as, being volunteered to walk your father-in-laws, elderly, ready to die any minute, Pug!

Every gambler knows
That the secret to survivin’
Is knowin’ what to throw away
And knowin’ what to keep
‘Cause every hand’s a winner
And every hand’s a loser
And the best that you can hope for is to die
in your sleep

#5. In retrospect, you have been in long term relationships before, and you know, this one is a keeper.  But there is a definite difference between just getting by and  pure unadulterated acceptance for the way things are.  You know you aren’t a walk in the dog park.  That your wife certainly could have done better.  And, for your part, you occasionally go on Facebook, to look up your ex-lover.  Currently she looks like an elderly man in need of a shave and a diet program.  Sometimes visual aides assist in our knowing ‘what to keep’ and ‘what to throw’ away!

And, certainly, who doesn’t want to die in their sleep next to the one they love.  That way you can insure you will forevermore have the upper hand.  A hand you dealt and can take with you into eternity!

And when he finished speakin’
He turned back toward the window
Crushed out his cigarette
And faded off to sleep
And somewhere in the darkness
The gambler he broke even
But in his final words
I found an ace that I could keep

#6. Write this shit down!  Keep a journal or a diary!  Do not rely on memory.  The more we rely on memory the more we forget.  And there is nothing like a forgetful fool doling out words of wisdom to people who are wise.

 

Grow Old with Me

Just the other day…

“Can I help you?”

Me, “Oh, I’m just looking for something for my wife…”

Saleswoman of the middle aged variety…

“Hmm.  You’re joking right?”

siblings 3

“Sometimes the Bible in the hand of one man is worse than a whisky bottle in the hand of (another)… There are just some kind of men who – who’re so busy worrying about the next world they’ve never learned to live in this one, and you can look down the street and see the results.”
Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

It seems silly to me to have an explanation ready…when I am asked, about my husband…And, there is hesitation and sense of distrust and horror…When I then say,

‘I don’t have a husband…I have a wife.’

Silly but repetitive,

… I still imagine a world where people can love each without outside retribution.’

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Grow Old with Me

Grow old along with me
The best is yet to be
When our time has come
We will be as one
God bless our love
God bless our love

Grow old along with me
Two branches of one tree
Face the setting sun
When the day is done
God bless our love
God bless our love

Spending our lives together
Man and wife together
World without end
World without end

Grow old along with me
Whatever fate decrees
We will see it through
For our love is true
God bless our love
God bless our loveWriter/s: Lennon, John

 

a Familial Face

a familar face

Won’t let you steal my joy.

Won’t let you take my pride.

Won’t give in to the darker side.

No matter …

the silent deadly kind.

Nearly a lifetime has past

And ,still

you sit upon the familial fence attending to your daily task

It had been while awake…

your love gave me the chills.

And,

to the extreme

your prideful pity exorcised my dreams.

‘Come out, come out and play’

Isn’t that what you would say?

How was I to know

it was your shadow blocking the way?

Caressing me with words so fine

Defining me with perfect images

Creeping into the blindside.

Orphanages of look a likes stuffed into the corners of my mind.

A poet with no purpose…

just simple rhyme.

Give in to the battle…

‘Just come out and play’

Isn’t that what you now say?

Infinitely dangling like bait on a self-hatred hook

As the soloist to today’s reflection

I must have a look.

‘Come out, come out and play…’

Sorry, my dear, not today.

no doubt

L is 4 the Way U Look at Me

It had been awhile sense the LOOK.  I had seen it coming ’round a corner at the local grocery store.  It is usually accompanied by a person who does not know me but feels that know enough about my kind to cast a LOOK!

The LOOK is notorious amongst my ‘kind’ and needs little introduction.

My partner knew of which I spoke. She had seen that ‘Look’ before too! Let me describe for you the ‘Look’ and perhaps, some of you will know what I’m talking about, as well. Description of the ‘Look’ The facial expression is never any different whether it is on a woman or a man! It is a scowl coupled with a hatred born from ages of tyranny. The disdain and repulsiveness is not from the scowl but from the eyes! Again, it is never any different whether it is from a man or a woman. The eyes, be them blue, green, hazel or brown, become black slits. Almost invisible to those of us without twenty-twenty vision. Yet, none of ‘Us’ really need to look these people in the eye because we can sense the ‘Presence’. The ‘Presence’ is remarkable in that it only carries one tone; vanity mixed with ignorance lacking charity. What happens when you turn your back on the ‘Look’ that denotes a ‘Presence’ of popular majority? I can only describe the ‘Feeling’ which is aroused! The ‘Feeling’ retreats way back into the archives of my younger years. A sense of sadness. A notion of not being good enough, ridiculed, scared and most importantly, alone! The ‘Question’ is always what follows the memories of ‘Feeling’ a ‘Presence’ of a ‘Look’ that I’ve known for so many years: Why was I born this way? Why don’t people like me? How come I feel so different? And, for those of us older than Rainbow flags and Pride Parades, who can I talk to? Let’s face it, I’m gay. Many other out there are, as well. We don’t want to walk into a church, a store, a job interview, a business meeting, with our ‘Pride’ on our sleeves. We do want to walk on our city streets, into our town hall meetings, our Earth Day celebrations, without the ‘Look’. The ‘Look’ that has caused 1 in 3 homosexuals to take their own lives. The ‘Look’ that won’t allow us to openly care for each other. The ‘Look’ that claims we are deviants to society though, most crimes are committed by middle class, heterosexuals white males. If I were granted just one wish it would be simple: To never feel reduced, hated, sad, misplaced and unwanted by the ‘Look’ ever again!

My dog is transgendered.  I know she is.  I believe from the moment she popped out of the vaginal shoot…she had every intention of being a ‘boy’. Sadly, she is not.  She pisses like a boy.  Picks random pointless and nonsensical fights with neighborhood dogs like a boy. And, up until recently, she humped my one male dog, you guessed it, as though, he were a girl.  Mattie despises everything pretty.  If she can’t mark it with her scent it ‘ain’t worth pissing on’.  I accepted this about her.  I embraced it.  I encouraged non restrictive unisex doggie training.  She is what she and that is all she will ever be.

Can a world imagine this possibility when it comes to its own human race?  That we are who we were meant to be and the less interference with the laws of nature the better off and more serene we all will be.

For a moment, let’s pretend that I put a pink camo dog jacket on my dominant dog.  I painted her nails…as is all the rage amongst the pussy breeds.  I walk her on a leash showered with rhinestone and tugged and pulled and fussed and pissed and moaned when she began her one leg up urea pointed diagonally Male dog routine. Mattie would be unhappy.  Confused.  And, most importantly, the loving bond between us would never have room to grow.

I ‘LOOK’ at it this way.  Is she hurting me?  Is she hurting herself?  And, of legal importance, is she harming others? NO!

Stated before by much more imaginative and deeper thinkers than I is this simple idea:

‘do unto others as you would have done to you!’

I have spent years entrenched in unconditional love.  A love that arrives on four legs and licks the salt from my tears away.  Tears that are shed for a world that accounts for difference as a tick that needs burning.  Tears for a land of beings trying to get the human condition wrapped up around an unknown and cunning ailment called HATE!

The following is a paid for by LOVE company advertisement.  It’s only hope had been to unite the world as it lives today.

But as my grandmother used to say,

‘when you stir a pot of goulash only the fat will rise to the top…all the good stuff will remain to be seen.’

Nabisco should be ashamed of themselves for their latest Honey Maid and Teddy Graham cracker commercial where they attempt to normalize sin. Right away it shows two men with a baby, followed by other families, and ends with different families pictured including the one with two dads. This commercial not only promotes homosexuality, but then calls the scene in the advertisement wholesome.

OR

“One Million Moms stands up for biblical truth, which is very clear in Romans 1:26-27, about this particular type of sexual perversion…this is truly sad. If this is what Honey Maid thinks is wholesome, then my family will no longer purchase Honey Maid or Nabisco products,” ended the statement.”

-1 Million Moms

OR

“Guess there will be one less overweight, looks like a dyke, talks like a lesbian, polyester clad middle-age woman at the Women’s Festival all you can eat S’more’s contest this year.”

-1 Randomwordbyruth