Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked Cat

I was walking down the street when out of the corner of my eye…I saw a pretty little Calico cat approaching me.

She said, ” I never seen a Crazy Cat Lady, who looks so all alone. Could you use a little Bitchy company?

If you can pay with the right Seafood Sensation(dry mix)your evening will be nice. But if you can’t stick ‘meow’ up your ass and send me on my way!”

As the Lesbian Crazy Cat Lady, I said, “You’re such a sweet young kitten. Why do you become so unpleasant in your vainglory?”

She looked at me and this is what she said,

“Oh, there ain’t no rest for the wicked! Frisky’s Delight doesn’t grow on trees. I got my groomer to pay for. I got several litters to feed. There ain’t no Calico love in this world for free!”
Not even fifteen minutes later after walking down, Abandoned Alley: I saw the shadow of Tom Cat, creep out of sight. And, then he swept up from behind. He put a mark(a lifting of the leg and a strange smell) on me.

He made it clear he wasn’t looking for a ‘cat fight.’

Tom said, “Give me all your female felines. I want their love not your life. But if you try to make a move…I spray again, twice.”
I told him, “You can have my spayed female, she’s had a hysterectomy. And, she is a well known bitch.”

I gotta ask, “What made you want to live this kind of life?”
Tom said, “Oh, there ain’t no rest for the wicked. Getting laid is money that doesn’t grow on trees. I got birds to haunt. I got several Baby Momma’s with mouths to feed.”
Well now a couple hours past and I was sitting on my couch. The day was winding down and coming to an end. And so, I turned on the TV. And, I flipped it over to the news… what I saw I almost couldn’t comprehend.

I saw a pedigree’d Maine Coon, in cuffs, she’d taken too much of the nip. She’d staggered over her rhinestone collar and had just one quote to the cops:

“I got the Cougar down the street. I got Big Bill to pay. We are all the same…there ain’t nothing in this world for free!”

Mixed Breed

She runs to what she knows…and disregards all the rest. When I eventually reach up to her…it is then I understand love with no regrets.

Still a mighty hunter offering to me….

‘What I now know is her best.’

Both our strides a bit slower than before…

nothing more…

nothing less.

Bill’s Poem

His eyes…placid and dauntingly, deep.

His mold…a bit of chubby rounded with strange feet.

He looks to me as being…the one.

Both of us know…the one chance in hell…happened out on the street.

He and I just part of a peaceful retreat.

Bill knows with reserved, self preservation, as far a human goes…I am not inclined to mystique.

I will bow down again, again and again, to the keyboard that soothes my song.

I will crouch even lower to feel that I belong.

Belong to Bill’s world…full of thought and no regret.

And, cat friends I have not yet to meet.

Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Why Do Cats Bite?

Here are the scientific reasons:

  • they are in pain
  • the are into aggressive play
  • defense and offense
  • love bites and petting

Now those are some obscure scientist’s life long research thoughts. Research done with data, one on one observation and number crunching. All of which is just wonderful and nice. However, these scientists never owned a cat and does not wish to add personal thoughts.

I am not a scientist. I went to a liberal arts college. I have owned cats (or, I should say, they have owned me) for many, many, years. Here are my thoughts on why kittens and cats bite:

  • Cats bite us because we are intrusive.
  • Cats lash out at their one true love, the human, because the shitter is not immaculate.
  • Cats secretly sharpen their fangs at night…while we are asleep…for the simple reason…they want the upper hand.
  • Cats lash out when we poke the puppy ( a saying from my house of woes.)

Poking the puppy is a blanket term. To poke the puppy/cat/kitten…

The human witnesses their animal friend, sleeping, snoring, casually chasing a headless chipmunk. The human is so overwhelmed with the feline’s cuteness. So transfixed are the two legged buffoons. So in awe at the one and only chance to ‘spaz’ the cat out…the human lashes out…poking the cat in the belly.

Let us be honest here. Poking the puppy and/or cat is similar to Pavlov’s dog. A piece of sweetness is dangled in front of us. It is furry and purring and being the Cat god they are. Alas, the human will go back every time for a ‘poking’ because the untold results are just too adorable to pass up!

iKuddle Litter Box?

I have had many cats over the years. Each one of them have been fastidious in their…potty routine! I took a survey among the felines that live in our happy abode, current day and the response was the same.

“Momma, that funny looking, motorized, cabinet…scares the shit out of us!”

Perhaps, that is what the product was designed to do!