What to do when Naked

I will break this segment up in two phases:

Fighting with spouse…do’s and don’ts

What to do when naked?

Word has it on the ‘street’…Kaitlin Adderley, firmly believed that by taking her clothes off…piece by thong piece…she would show the world…and her boyfriend, just what they are missing!

According to a probable cause statement, Adderley was dressed when police arrived, but she made a statement to officers saying she had taken her clothes off during an argument with her boyfriend.

You knew what this was
I don’t want you anymore
I warned you before, I warned you before
Well I coulda sworn I told you I was mean

First and loathing-ly, I admit to having pulled some ‘stunts’…when semi single.

“Let me out of this car now!”

“I don’t care that we are in the middle of traffic hour, we are both menstruating or that we are driving in the galaxy of bad drivers (Mass-holes!)

Back beyond our first ‘date’. I say, first date, because everyone knows…

a lesbian’s second date requires moving in together.

Way back when my wife and I called arguments..discussions. Just to make life a little less like our parents.

Way back when, I felt she did not need another pair of…Croc’s from the Croc factory…to add to her,  Imelda Marcos , collection.

One thing led to another, potty mouths, potty words, bringing up dysfunctional past behaviors and correlating it with current days…shit! On and on, it went. Until I found myself walking down route 128…north out of Boston!

I learned terribly quickly that as much as I found myself fighting like my passive-aggressive mother…I can always change.

Alright so poor, Kaitlin, got busted! But busted naked! This trans-formative way of ‘fighting’ with significant others…encouraged me to look into,

How do we use our naked-ness…to get our way?

Most popular?

Well we know where we’re going
But we don’t know where we’ve been
And we know what we’re knowing
But we can’t say what we’ve seen
And we’re not little children
And we know what we want
And the future is certain
Give us time to work it out

Texting naked! Encouraging someone on the other end to loose track of reality and…put one out! Right there in the damn car!

There were a sundry of other misdemeanors…

-plain old driving naked

-going to church naked

-home burglary…while naked

On and on…again!

In all honesty, this one brought me back. Naked! Naked! What have I done…nude? And, why?

In college, when my parent’s with minus function, had thought it a good idea to move from the city to the country.

Pissed off! Newly egocentric! Longing for tarred roads! I thought it a good idea to…iron…naked!

B strong! B brave! B humble! B badass!

That is right. In my fragile mind and blooming body, an ‘all body’ tan, was needed. Not only a physique without tan lines but clothes…freshly ironed, pressed and clean scented.

One thing led to another down a dirt and sodden road…Canterbury; I soon learned that ‘vehicles’ travel with a certain carcinogenic noise. And, everyone else (employees of my mother who live nearby) travel by horse. Horses are nice and quiet and generally do not alert naked college students doing their ironing on the back deck…of their approach.

To Lie Down with Dogs

Stupid, not really, if I have an itch...I scratch it!
Not really, if I have an itch…I scratch it!

Doesn’t anyone in your family inquire about your love life? Just sayin’.
Doesn’t anyone want to know if you’re dating someone? Isn’t it odd that you are 22 years old and not seeing anyone?


For me?  Mum doesn’t want to know!  She’d be freaked out and I’m pretty sure if I were to marry a woman she wouldn’t go…She’d be busy disowning me.  And, Daddy, well, he’s never asked!

It’s hard to be strong when you can’t be yourself and accepted by your family…

On the weekends, here at Camp What the Fuck, Virginia, I have time and fake friends on my hands.

So, this is what has landed in my empty air space-

How is it I managed two things:

I’m not marrying you while you’re married, I had told Kate. I also put my foot down to her having two wives and her unwillingness to leave Kris, the current wife. Utah was not on the AmeriCorps map nor was it on mine.

Secondly, when I witnessed the carnage of:

When I slept with Tyler I thought about you. I honestly did. Your face loomed above his while I gave him a blow job. I’d think you’d be happy ‘bout that. But if you want to make this all about you…go right ahead!
Via the dirty Penny in Tyler, Texas.
I should have known with that one…She did tell me that she wasn’t into girls. You know me, I always go after what I want and get it…even if it feels like a big shit after a week of constipation.
Lying down with dogs? Dirty, disgusting and unkempt?
Another woman who shall remain nameless; another, cry from the Ambien Harassment Police,

...she who lies down with dogs will rise up with fleas!
…she who lies down with dogs will rise up with fleas!

She said I was dirty and never showered. She hated me. I had to have someone stay with me at work just in case the wack-o came back for me…wah-wah!’
Many moons ago I had been told that when I am pointing three fingers at someone, usually that means there are several fingers pointing back.
Had I not made my bed? What will be waiting for me once I become un-de-tained from the detention center for misguided volunteers?
Disownment? Disapproval? Distinctively bad nude photos still looming on Google?
Had I not been a dawg in the first place would I have laid down anyway?
Most likely, yes, I lay down with anything. That is my one and only redeeming quality!

Upper Middle Class? Fed, wed and Bred!

I hate the word homophobia –Morgan Freeman
I hate the word homophobia –Morgan Freeman (Photo credit: See-ming Lee 李思明 SML)

The causes that seem just to anyone my age are pretty simple: keep upper middle class America fed, wed and bred.  Give to any organization that has cute puppies.  I’m not sure about puppy mills; those websites sure have some real cute puppies, LOL!  Don’t see the harm in them; all the dogs are well taken care of in the pictures.  Oh, yeah and the other important thing we need to take care of, our mental health.

I suppose that would make a good start to my application for grad school.  Me thinks that those are all issues that Mr. Obama should address.

Originally, I had wanted to vote for Romeny.  Father Floyd told me once, ‘Ambien Grace, if you get someone in the White House who makes his own money…we’ll all make money!’

Course he has a job in math or economics or business.  And, usually, he spouts his words of wisdom from his overstuffed leather recliner while drinking an imported beer and grading papers.  Romney looked good on paper; well dressed, cute wife and he wanted to cut welfare.  The homosexuality, abortion and Mormon thing aren’t really big issues.

Homosexuals scare me, I had been raised a homophobic.  Abortions aren’t really a concern because I want to have lots and lots and lots of babies on a ranch while taking pictures and playing with butterflies.  Mormons?  I had to look that term up.  Turns out it’s not a term at all.  It is some form of religion.  I ask you, why would people be so concerned about a religion that takes place in Utah?

I voted for Obama in the end.  My girlfriend encouraged me to look at his stand on things.  I didn’t.  But I voted for him just to shut her up.

Wheeling around the mean streets of Concord, the upper end, near the fancy houses, by my parent’s abode, in my deceased grandfather’s car, talking to Beckett Couvillion the third, killing time until Mother Theresa gets home and cooks me dinner: I wonder about those poor souls who missed the boat in school.  The kids on grants, scholarships and whatnot, how are they surviving?

Shit, almost a year out and things look so bright for me I have to keep the shades drawn in my attic room.  No real job, no real future, no real connection…perhaps, the National Guard is looking for leaders.  I have never been real good at leading but I’m doing a great job at being a follower.